


Entwined

by TooYoungToFeelThisTired



Series: What if? [3]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternative Timeline, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Baby Fic, Consensual Sex, F/M, Falling In Love, Feelings Realization, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, No Incest, Pregnancy, Pseudo-Incest, Sexual Harassment, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2020-01-06 09:59:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 51,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18386159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooYoungToFeelThisTired/pseuds/TooYoungToFeelThisTired
Summary: The first time Five disappeared, they were thirteen. Since then she was losing count of the times he came and left. Good thing she was writing it down. Vanya/Five, Mature, My heart is entwined around yours...





	1. March 16th 2003

**17 years ago**

The moment number Five stabbed the knife to the table by his side and confronted their father about time travelling was the day, Vanya would never forget.

He had been talking about his wish to push his abilities to a new level for months now. It was obvious that because he was someone who's ability seemed limitless at times since he could get to any room or any place he wanted, he wanted to push the limits further to reach an imaginary top, greatness, the absolute end where not even his powers could reach. Until then...he wouldn't be satisfied.

Vanya listened to his rambling like a good sister and friend long after the others found the topic boring and overrated leaving only her to become his sole advisor and confident in the matter. Even if she herself would never dare to do such a rebellious thing as time travelling, the way Five got all excited and hyped about it made it seem like the most incredibly adventure he would one day go on.

He did his calculations and worked endlessly on the topic only to finally gather the confidence to speak about it with their father. Despite the endless talks Vanya had with Five about the topic the moment their father started to bring the theory down with threats of Five's safety, her faith in Five started to shatter to the point that when he looked at her she shook her head having a gut wreaking feeling inside her that this was maybe the last time she ever saw him.

As he stormed out of the room, she found out she was right...in a way.

* * *

**March 16th 2003**

Fourteen year old Vanya was in her room practicing her violin like every afternoon as her brothers and sister were out on a mission somewhere in the city. Since she once again wasn't included into the conversation, she didn't know much about it, just that they would probably come home sooner than last time when they went to Paris.

During her practice she was usually accompanied by their Mom, but today not even she showed up most likely still having to clean up the chemistry room, where her siblings were learning how to defuse a bomb yesterday. It went rather successfully until it was Klaus's turn or so she heard Diego and Ben discuss as they passed her room.

She kept her eyes on the music sheet even if she wasn't paying much attention to it. By this point she knew the song by hand, but she didn't have it in her to turn the page over. More and more she was feeling like she was losing her grip on life and lonely. She overheard her siblings were planning to sneak out outside the other day, but so far no one came to ask her to come. She suspected they wouldn't as she once caught them all returning to their rooms after they were out. They also didn't ask her then. She felt a stabbing pain of betrayal which caused her to miss a tune a bit before she returned to it. Her fingers ached, but she carried on. Her father told her she would never achieve a successful carrier as a musician after her practise. She didn't say a word, didn't even cry probably because of the extra pill she took in advance. She knew he would bring her down somehow and hurt her. It was precaution. She took the pills to numb the feelings which were tearing her apart and she used the small box hidden under her mattress to feel something which wasn't connected to the feelings of sadness and loneliness.

It was that moment that she felt someone's eyes on her watching her play. She assumed it was Mom who finally found the time to come.

It offered her a small condolence and she felt herself smiling even if just a bit before she finished the song.

She turned around to ask her how it was only to freeze in place as shock washed over her.

'F-five,' she breathed out watching her long-lost brother standing in the doorway watching her with that memorable smirk of his. He was wearing the same uniform as before but he looked...taller? Yes, a little bit taller and his eyes looked tired...very tired.

'You've didn't grew up much, but it's good to know you got better in the violin,' he said with a certain confidence which was just so him it made her heart speed up.

_He was back..._

She chuckled all the sadness disappearing from her heart before she quickly put the bow and the violin on the bed.

As she turned around to run to him, he was already in front of her pulling her into a tight and warm embrace something Vanya haven't felt in ages if ever. They never hugged before. Usually their interactions were filled with words occasional touch of the hand in comfort if father once again brought her down. They never hugged and their touches were usually brief and soft like a bird's feather not so soul crushing, intense and completely filled with... _care_.

Vanya closed her eyes pushing her hands around him to return the contact trying to burn the feeling of someone touching her like this, _caring_ so much for her into her brain for every time she would ever fill lonely or worthless ever again.

' _I missed you_ ,' he whispered, his voice was soft, much softer than she ever heard him before. Five was never down. Not the way the rest of them could be brought down by their father. If he ever made a comment about Five's abilities, skills, or knowledge, Five just replied with an annoyed or irritated remark. Yet, now he sounded...so emotional and broken, Vanya didn't know what to do about it. She didn't know how to fix himself let alone someone else so she just hugged him back as tightly as she could hoping it would be enough.

'Where did you go?' she asked after what felt like an eternity feeling the absence of his body pressed against her own as he leaned away, but kept his arms on her shoulders, 'To the future...it's not good.'

He sounded so strange and he looked different. She didn't notice before, but now she did. Now she could see that he was different. Very different. Why was he so different? His eyes...his eyes weren't his own...they felt old.

She was confused when he brushed her shoulder, 'I'm sorry for leaving. I'm _so_ sorry, Vanya.'

She forced herself into a smile even though with the emotions she was feeling now she wasn't sure if it wasn't an ugly grimace, 'It's alright, you're back, you came-'

'I can't stay,' he said firmly knocking the air out of her.

'No,' she whispered feeling the emotions getting the better of her. She felt wrecked all over again.

_No, no, please don't leave me. I will be all alone._

'Five,' she said softly looking into his eyes, she wanted to beg him not to leave. She wanted to tell him to say, or take her with her. Anything which would get him not to leave her alone again. She was desperate. She was all alone in this big house and she missed him. He was the only person she had left and he abandoned her again and was planning to do so again.

She closed her eyes painfully before she stepped away from him from his touch with brought her hope, 'Alright. Go.'

'Vanya-'

'Go! Leave! Just get out!' she snapped feeling a large bump inside her throat causing her eyes to water. She turned around breathing hard and trying to control the tears which wanted to go out.

'Shit,' she heard Five curse but she didn't look at him. She was done. She was done being overlooked and always left abandoned and behind like a piece of overused furniture. She was done! If he wanted to leave, if anyone wanted to leave fine. Just leave her all alone!

She felt tears running down her cheeks. Everyone always left her. He left her once before what was once more? She could take it...she was too ordinary anyway, too unimportant, just too... _nothing_ to have anyone care for her.

She felt his hand gripped hers and his breath on the back of her neck, 'I'll be back. I will be back, alright? I...I promise. Just...just wait please, hold on, and know...know that I...'

She blinked a couple of tears away feeling the pain in her heart spreading by each word. Did he mean it? Did he really promise he would come back? Did he really want her to wait?

'Fuck it,' he said and spun her around pulling her into another tight embrace, 'I care, alright? I _care_ for you.'

His hand went to her hair and he buried his fingers inside it while she pressed her face against his shoulder, 'I miss you...I'm so alone.'

'I know, I know, Vanya, but I promise,' he leaned away and brushed the tears away. When did Five became so soft?

'I'll be back...just wait for me,' he told her before he let her go, and she felt that if he slapped her it would hurt less.

'I need to go,' he said checking the watch on his hand, 'I'll be back, alright?'

She nodded not trusting herself to speak and watched as once again he left this time through a blue light which disappeared in a second.

She rushed to the hallways but he was gone. He was gone again.

Vanya touched her cheek where his fingers stoke away her tears. He was real, right? He really came back and left?

She covered her face to bury her cry which once again spread from her eyes. Why did she let him? Why didn't she ask him about where/when he was? Why didn't she talk to him more? Why...?

'Vanya, are you alright, dear?' asked Grace suddenly and Vanya tore he hands from her face, 'I...?'

'Did something happen?' asked her mom coming close to her looking alarmed by her tears.

Vanya quickly brushed the rest of them away, 'No, I...I'm sorry, mom. It's nothing.'

Her mom softly touched her cheek brushing it before she pulled out a tissue. Her touch was different to Five's.

'Here you go.'

Vanya took it and blew her nose while her mother kept her hand on her shoulder, 'Perhaps would you like to help me with dinner today? It always seems to lighten up your mood when we cook.'

The girl looked at her and nodded, 'Thanks, mom.' She didn't like to cook. She didn't like how her fingers smelled of onion no matter how much soup she used to wash them. Also the food never gave her pleasure when she knew she helped with it. But she didn't tell her this, because cooking with Grace meant she could keep her company, and that was enough for her to agree. Being with someone, anyone really and doing anything was enough for Vanya to agree to anything even to wait for seemingly unknown amount of time for someone who made her cry and hugged her making her feel like she wasn't nothing for the first time in a year...

'Maybe take a pill? You look a bit upset,' said her mom and she nodded listening to her. The pill pushed the tears away along with all everything else.

That night when she hears someone in the hallways probably Luther telling the others to be quiet as they sneak out of their room, Vanya sat up on her bed and went to her desk. She pulled out a black notebook and a pen.

She wrote down the date and time as best as she could remember.

_Number Five came back today. He said he couldn't stay and that he would come back._

She stopped there, not wanting to write down about the hug or that he said he missed her. She wanted to keep that to herself.

She closed the notebook and hid it under her bed making sure it wouldn't be sticking out. She momentarily stopped as she realized it was right next to her box. She thought she would use it before when she realized the others would go without her, but now...she wasn't so sure.

She lied back down. Even if she knew it was silly and impossible, it was like the spot where the notebook was hidden was warm.

She fell asleep in seconds.


	2. October 3rd 2003

**October 3** **rd** **2003**

'I wish these skirts were shorter,' said Allison to Vanya one day as they were in her room secretly looking at some magazines the girl rumoured for on her last mission.

Vanya nodded although she honestly didn't wish for such a thing. She wanted to length of her skirt stay the same way it was so it would hid the little scars on her thigh. No one was supposed to see them.

'So unfair,' said Allison, 'I mean we should be able to wear normal clothes more often, you know?'

'Maybe once we're older,' suggested Vanya and Allison rolled her eyes, 'Easy for you to say, you get to wear normal clothes in school.'

It was true. Last year their father decided to send Vanya to city school, as she would have to gain some education and degree as _ordinary_ people. She felt the daggers most of her siblings shot her that day cutting her skin. It hurt worst than if they actually did take a knife on her. She didn't enjoy the school too much. She was too quiet, too plain, too much herself and teenager outside of their house didn't have time or wanted to stick around long enough to get to know her. She didn't blame them, so days she didn't even want to know her.

Still, she took pleasure in small things, like getting to ride in the car and watch the city was a nice change of scenery. Her music teacher seemed to like her playing, and often suggest she joined their school band or some afterschool activity.

'I guess everyone wants what they can't have,' said Vanya and looked back at the beautiful picture of Nicole Kidman, specifically at her hair. It seemed everyone around her had somehow nicer hair than her plain brown which always looked a bit frizzy.

'Ah, I would die for this dress,' said her sister and pointed at another picture of Catherine Zeta-Jones in a bluish long dress.

Vanya nodded at the picture, 'It's very nice.'

When Allison showed up at her room with a magazine and sat down on her bed flipping through it like it was an everyday thing, she honestly didn't knew what to think about it, but went with it afraid would cause her sister to leave and never come back if she didn't. She wasn't all that interested in the celebrities and their fashion choices, but she was desperate to spent time with anyone always feeling so lonely she buried herself into it just like she did with cooking for mom.

Allison looked up at her at one pointed and touched her hair, 'Your bangs are growing out.'

Vanya nodded trying to show how surprised she was by the touch, 'I think I would like to see how I would look without them? I always look so young like a kid.'

Allison hummed probably imagine how will she look without the bangs before she smiled, 'I can see you without them. It will look nice.'

Vanya offered her a shy smile before asked, 'What about you? Thinking about changing your hair somehow?'

They talked a bit about Allison's ideal hair colour for the future. It was nice to be included in something for once. It made Vanya feel a bit like old times, times, she barely remembered when they were kids all in one room playing with each other or just being there, until one day she wasn't allowed to. The memory was foggy and at best, maybe it was never really true in the first place.

Still, this felt nice, and Vanya secretly started to hope that maybe she and Allison could meet up like this. They were the only two girls in the house after all.

She should have know all good things must come to an end as Luther popped his hand into the room nodding at her, 'You coming?'

Allison jumped from the spot on Vanya's bed excitedly rushing to him before she paused in the doorway. Vanya felt a tiny bit of hope again that maybe she would ask her to come as well, only for it to sink back into the darkest corner it crawled from when she spoke, 'Just return them when you're finish.'

Vanya nodded with a tight smile. It wasn't like this would end any other way. Allison and Luther were always inseparable now more than ever as their father was becoming a bit more benevolent about their interest and what they did in the free time since they were teenager now. They always hid behind closed doors doing God knows what.

She got up from her spot and closed the door waiting a bit. Perhaps it would be better if they were allowed locks but then again what was the point? No one ever came to her room.

She went to her mattress and pulled out her little first aid kit box, her eyes momentarily landed on the black notebook. It seemed so foolish to waste a perfectly good notebook now. The box felt heavy in her hands even if it was small. It was old and there was a crack on the side, which happened once when Diego was trashing too much as mom was sticking him up. The box supposedly fell to the floor.

Mom then removed everything from the box and put it in a bigger one leaving this one in the trash. Her finger went through the crack always making Vanya feel like it was an epiphany for her life. She always felt a bit cracked like that too. A broken thing, one of the 43 kids born without powers. That was the crack over her life, the cause of all her misery and sorrows. If only she was special...everything could have been different.

She looked at the door again. It was funny really, no, it was stupid if she was being completely honest with herself. Lately, since Five came back and disappeared she started to check the door for a couple of minutes every time as if she was expecting him or anyone for that matter to show up...but they never did.

She reached into her pocket and took another pill. _Take as needed_ stood on the small bottle. She swallowed one in a second. She didn't even need the water anymore.

Her eyes drifted back to the door having a feeling she heard something, but it must have been just her mind playing tricks on her again.

She opened the box.

* * *

That night it felt like she couldn't fall asleep no matter how much she tried. Sometimes it was because she took too much pills during the day. It was like her mind was too numb to function properly and her brain didn't know how to put her sleep. Sometimes she just felt like she didn't do anything through the whole day and her body wasn't tired enough.

She used to pull out a book and read it until the last hours afterwards she would wake up feeling exhausted and basically went by the day like a zombie. Tonight, however, she just decided to lay down in the bed until sleep would finally come.

When she felt someone's hand over her mouth, she let out a startled noise trying to instinctively move away from whoever was covering her mouth until another hand grabbed her shoulder and forced her to stay in place, 'Don't scream. It's me.'

Her already speeded up heartbeat went even wilder as she recognized the voice and the figure in the darkness of her room.

The hand left her mouth, but not her shoulder, ' _Five_.'

'You know your first instinct should have been to punch me not try to crawl to wall, what good would that do?' he asked.

Only Five would cause her to be annoyed with him in the first three seconds of his arrival.

She calmed down a bit, 'You're back.'

He let go of her shoulders and she immediately knew it wouldn't be for long again. Of course it wouldn't, 'Where did you go? Where are you constantly disappearing to?'

He paused for a moment before he sat down on her bed, the new weight making the whole mattress shift a bit, 'The future.'

'Well...why can't you stay?' she asked making sure to keep her voice down. Even though, a thought did cross her mind that if she screamed and dad would show up maybe he would get somehow Five to stay or maybe the others would. She doubted she would ever have such an impact on him, but maybe they could. If Allison would ask him, he would have to stay...

Suddenly she felt a stabbing guilt that someone would force Five of all people with such cruel tricks to stay. She felt sick to her stomach a bit.

'I...,' he looked away from her somewhere out of the window. He sounded tired, 'I wish I could. I wish I could stay for...well I wish I could stay here, but that would mess things up so bad you can't imagine. I can't even predict what would have it caused, but messing with the timeline is never good, Vanya.'

She closed her eyes. She wished she was less understanding.

'Are you alright?' she asked finally as she pushed the tears back inside. Her voice still a bit shaken.

'Hm?'

'You said the future was not good. Last time you showed up...You're not like fighting killing robots or fish people, right?' she asked referring to sci-fi novels they used to read and make constructive theories about the future and how would some things be good and some not.

Five chuckled, 'You remember.'

She shrugged her shoulders, 'We talked about it a lot.'

'No,' he shook his head sounding very tender all of the sudden, 'I talked...you listened. You always listened and never told me to shut up no matter how annoying and repetitive I got.'

Vanya nudged him a bit, 'You were never that. You made it sound like the best thing in the world. It was overwhelming, but also so _amazing_. Like you could achieve everything you want with it.'

He turned back to her. She wished he would turn on the light now so she could see his expression, 'I shouldn't have left...the first time. I was...I was so stupid. I thought I knew all there was and wanted to know more, but I really didn't know anything. I thought it would be just like going for a walk in the future, carefree and just simple.'

'Five, what happened?' she asked softly, but he just shook his head, 'Time travelling...it comes with consequences. Bad ones...you can get stuck. I got stuck and now it's too late,' he said and his voice was filled with so much pain.

Vanya didn't know what possessed her but she grabbed his hand into hers hoping to bring him some comfort and ease the pain in his tired voice, 'Five. You're not stuck and it isn't too late. You're here and if you just tell me...I-I can help or-'

When his hand was on her cheek she froze speechless by the contact. No one ever touched her like this. His hands were soft, yet somehow firm. So strange to feel someone's hand on your cheek like this.

She swallowed feeling her heart running a marathon inside her chest.

'You can't,' he said and her heart stopped. No, of course, she couldn't help him. She was just Vanya, the ordinary girl, worthless, nothing special about her. She was nothing.

She didn't say any of those things. She didn't want his confirmation.

She leaned away from his hand feeling the absence of his warm immediately, but refusing to get smitten by it again.

'It's...it's too late,' he said and let his hand fall down next to her knee on the bed.

'Then why are you here?' she asked feeling the accusation in her own voice and he must have as well.

'I miss you,' he stated simply like it was the most natural thing in the world. It didn't make her feel better though. What good was it that he missed her if he would just leave her? What good was it to have someone care enough for you to come back if he would just abandon you again?

'If you really missed me you would've stayed,' she found herself saying and felt him tense next to her.

_Good._

Who said she was the only one who should feel like crap all the time?

'D-do you want me to leave?' he asked and Vanya closed her eyes painfully feeling the tears returning.

'You're going to do it anyway, so why delay the inevitable?' she felt the tears roll down her face now and shut her mouth tightly so she wouldn't let out a sob and indicate to him that she was crying.

Five was left sitting down next to her without moving for a moment and Vanya really wished he would just leave so he wouldn't hear the pathetic sound which escaped her closed lips.

He grabbed her by the shoulders and despite her weak hands which tried to push against his chest for him to let her go, he pulled her into another soul warming hug.

'I'm here,' he said and she tried harder to get him off of her while she started to full on cry frustrated that she was so weak compare to him, and he wouldn't move, wouldn't let her go, wouldn't just leave...and that he would leave and everything in between...

She didn't know how much time had passed, but before she knew it she was holding onto his shirt wrinkling it with her fingers as she was pushing him as close to her as possible.

'I...I...I'm so alone...it hurts, Five,' she said choking on her tears and sobs.

'I know, I know, but it will be better. It will get better I promise. I know, it will. I know the future remember?'

'Y-you said it's a mess,' she complained and he chuckled a bit even if it didn't sound real. It sounded tired and a bit sad, 'It was...but now it's better. It's great actually, I just...I'm just out on a lot and I don't...I wish I could catch up to it, but I feel like I can't,' he said not making any sense before he sighed, 'And I come here and all I do is make you cry.'

Vanya sighed against him feeling that she might as well wiped her face into his shoulder, 'Sorry.'

'It's fine.'

She looked up at him and repeated her previous question, 'Are you alright?'

He was silent for a moment before he said, 'I wasn't, but now I'm good. Better than good actually, but I just can't bring myself to be fully...to accept it all yet...to accept that it is over.'

'You make no sense,' she said and he brushed her shoulder, 'I know, but it's for the best, I can't tell you things without affecting the future.'

'Then why come at all?' she asked. This time it wasn't a bite at him, she was genuinely curious. If future was good now and he was doing alright, why was he risking it all to come back? Definitely not so he could watch her cry again and again.

He watched her for a moment, 'Well...because this is my home, and you're my family cold-hearted dictator for a father or not.'

Vanya nodded feeling a bit better by that even if it surprised her. Five was not a sharer. He was strictly on point and he rarely heard him speak or show emotions apart from frustration or annoyance. It felt a bit surreal that he was here. It made her wonder if it wasn't all just a dream. She was going to fall asleep soon after all. But he did show up the first time, didn't he? She didn't have proof, but she saw him. She knew she did...she hoped she didn't make it all up.

'Can you tell me something about the future? Anything? Like...like old times,' she found herself saying.

Five was quiet for a moment before he started in a hushed voice, 'It feels...less gloomy. Not as gothic horror as this place sometimes did.'

She chuckled at that. It was something she told him once after she started to read Frankenstein and other horror stories.

'So you're not so doleful,' he said suddenly and she looked at him, 'I'm...I'm in the future?'

'Yes, you are,' he said and sat a bit away from her causing a distance. She blinked at that and he started to talk a bit more. He didn't say anything specific just talked in general about things which they used to speculate about how the future might turn out to be. She listen to him carefully feeling like it was last year when he demanded that she accompany him to the library where he talked for hours about his theories his eyes sparkling with excitement in the dim light before they had to leave for dinner or to bed. He sounded so hopeful and carefree, a boy who would achieve wonders. Now he sounded a bit different, more factual, down to earth, but still at times she caught his voice rose into that spot forgetting whatever pains and horrors he had to over come to make him like this and just get taken but the wonderfulness of the possibilities the future held for them.

She tried to stay up. She tried to stay up all night, but with his voice not louder than a whisper lullabing her soul, she drifted away.

When she woke up she was alone in her room several moments before the alarm went off.

His words still stuck in her mind.

_I'll be back...just wait for me a bit more..._

She got out of the bed and pulled out the black notebook writing down another day with the words: _Five came and we spoke about the future, he didn't say anything useful though._

She put the notebook back under the mattress next to the box and covered them both before she took the magazine she didn't return to Allison yesterday and put it under her door.

She was on her way to the bathroom when the door opened and Allison came out holding the magazine looking tired as well.

'I completely forgot where I left it,' she said instead of a _good morning_.

Vanya pressed her lips tightly and nodded before she continued to the bathroom cheering herself up that in the future she would be happier and Five was there was well.

She wished it future was already here.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N: Thank you for all the support and feedback :) I hope you liked this chapter as well. I know it doesn't make much makes sense yet, and it probably won't until we get to 2019. Dawn17 mentioned The Time Traveler's wife and I always thought that would be an interesting theme for these two. I hope you like it.


	3. April 23rd 2004

**Warning: Sexual Harassment**

* * *

**April 23** **rd** **2004**

Vanya was listening to Krenek's sonata No. 2 on the MP3 player she received from her music teacher at school, as Pogo was driving her to school. She tried to refuse it for several days until he literally forced it into her bag and convince her that she had to listen to the music constantly in order to feel and understand it. She felt ridiculously happy about the amount of interest and support she was receiving from the teacher and felt a bit bad that she would soon have to leave for high school even if she got accepted to the music school she applied too.

She wished Five would have showed up on the day that she had her auditions and found out she got in, but he never did. She got cookies from Grace and even though they tasted bittersweet as she was eating them all alone in the dining room since everyone else went for a mission to Budapest, she still tried to hold the good and positive feeling even refusing to take the box from under her mattress for that night at least.

Either way, Vanya turned the device off and said her goodbye to Pogo before she rushed to the entrance of the school. She read a new book on music theory and wanted to talk to Mr. Clarke about it before first period. He appeared to be a kind if a bit quiet man. She noticed that he rarely talked with other students which made her even more pleased that he always seemed to be interest in what she had to say. He often let Vanya practice and gave her pointers on improving her work even getting out of her way of coming to her auditions and saying she made him very proud which was something she never heard about her music before. She felt like crying with joy in that moment.

'Ah,' he said as she came into his office which was in the music room, 'You know you can't get slack on your other subject just for music. Well, you can, music is far more important that P.E, just don't mention to Mrs. Grundy. She doesn't like to hear that,' he grimaced and Vanya smiled at the man before she returned the book to him and started to talk about what she read. She got so engaged in all of it, she felt very disappointed when the bell rang and she had to go to class.

'Hey, maybe come see me after school today, we can finish this,' he told her calmly just as another student stood in the doorway.

Vanya nodded all too enthusiastically feeling very delightful about getting extra time with her favourite teacher and talking about her favourite subject. She knew she wasn't good in many things. She was an ordinary girl in the house where everyone else was extraordinary. She wasn't particularly smart or skilful like her siblings were. She knew she was quite clumsy and didn't have anything interesting about her. Even now when she was in school for the second year she rarely had someone to talk to mostly just sticking to herself. She sometimes wished she could just walk up to someone and make friends, connect, anything, but there was this block in her mind which was forbidding her and making her feel awkward and silly whenever she tried to engage with her peers or anyone for that matter. She knew it wasn't all to blame on her father and family. She was just a shy and quiet person, but the thing was that she felt like that wasn't really her, like the real her. She felt like if only someone stayed long enough or paid more attention to her, they would see just how  _real_  and  _alive_  she could be. Even if the pills numbed her down, she always felt this..fire inside of her. Something worth seeing, worth feeling. If only someone was interested enough to wait and see it.

_Just wait, just a bit and you will see how amazing I am._

Maybe that was why she liked Mr. Clarke so much. He actually took his time to get to know her and gave her the time to open up. With him she never felt weird or awkward. She felt actually a bit annoying with how chatty and passionate she was about music, but luckily so was he, so she couldn't annoy him  _that_  much.

As pathetic as it might have sounded, Vanya really liked Mr. Clarke. He carried the fatherly sense, she so longed and craved in her life as she never received one from their actual father with cold eyes. Always after her visit with the teacher she had this silly thought or a fantasy that she wasn't born to the woman who sold her to her father, or on the same day as the rest of her siblings. She had a fantasy that she was born to a woman Mrs. Clarke who would raise her with her husband to explore her love for music. They would never keep her locked up inside of a house with no love, inside the tiniest room there was, with siblings who didn't even see her as a person more like a piece of the furniture. She wondered if she would be a single child or had siblings and if they would be close and love each other. The fantasy was always a happy one leaving Vanya even more in despair when she had to return her head to the reality knowing it would never happen she would have to go home to the gloomy house with a father with cold eyes which never seemed to land on her anymore and brothers and sister who walked pass her as if she wasn't even real. Usually right after those fantasies she needed to lock herself inside her room and pull out the box.

Vanya waited until her lunch break to call the house and inform Pogo that he could come later for her. He told her that if she had enough money, she could even call a cab or take a bus which would stop down the street from their house. He probably heard the excitement in her voice. She was grateful for that.

She went to Mr. Clarke's room just as the last students were leaving. He sat her down as usual opposite to him and they started to talk. He seemed to be pleased with her latest deductions and researches.

'Don't you have your drive waiting for you?' he asked after he checked his watch. It was about an hour after the last period.

He got up at one point and asked her if she wanted tea.

This caught her a bit off guard since she was never offer any from anyone besides Grace and Pogo.

'You know, I think I have something special in mind for you today,' he told her and Vanya offered him a small smile drumming with her fingers over his desk as she was already mentally preparing herself for the new book or perhaps a new music piece she could listen to.

He sat the tea down on the desk in front of her. She watched as the steam slowly rose from the mug in a hypnotic way calming her excitement a bit down.

Mr. Clarke remained closer to her not returning to his side of the desk, 'Drink your tea, Vanya.'

She blinked a bit confused since the tea was obviously still hot, but with her ridiculous need to please people no matter what she found herself taking the mug and lifting it to her mouth. She could feel the heat and felt her body and throat defying a bit against the danger of the heat which could burn her.

She drank just a bit burning her tongue in the process like she expected and nearly choking before she sat the mug down, 'It's too hot.'

Mr. Clarke nodded and went back to his seat. She felt relieved that she didn't have to touch it again until it would cool down a bit.

They talked some more until Vanya started to feel a bit lightheaded. She had to blink a few times since her vision was getting a bit blurry. She asked for Mr. Clarke to repeat his question because she didn't hear it the first time, but she wasn't sure if he said it again or not. She felt very tired all of the sudden like she could fall asleep right there.

When she felt his hand on her shoulder she jerked startled as she didn't notice him moving from his seat toward her. He asked her something again, but it was like he was talking underwater. She could hear his voice, but she couldn't make up the words.

She felt him brush her shoulder slowly running it through her covered by the sweater hand. The touch was strange, but she tried to calm herself down telling her partly not functioning mind, that she just wasn't used to touches and Mr. Clarke was just being caring. It was when his hand stopped moving on her arm that she felt...scared.

* * *

Vanya didn't know how much time had passed but at some point she looked down and found Mr. Clarke's hand inside her unbuttoned sweater and shirt groping her through her bra.

She stood up so fast she startled him as he stepped back. Her mind partly was starting to take in her surroundings as she was buttoning herself up and Mr. Clarke was pulling up the zipper on his pants which she could see was shaped around his...

She rushed to the door grabbed her bag and ran out without a single word her mind clearing itself as she got outside on the fresh air. The first thing she did was that she checked her jeans but she was still zipped and the belt was secured in the same place as it was after she went peeing in class. The single fact caused her to sober up from whatever the hell was going on inside her as she walked to the nearest lamp and threw up.

'Honey, are you alright there?' asked a woman passing boy with a dog looking concerned.

Vanya wanted to scream. She wanted to cry and tell her that her teacher... that her teacher...that he...

She nodded and thanked the stranger before she started to walk. She wasn't sure if the nearest phone booth or bus station.

Why did he do that?

He looked so interested when she talked. He always listened. He made her feel special or at least made her feel like she was someone, a person, not just a shadow.

Her body felt a bit numb. She didn't feel his touch after he stroke her arm, but she saw it.

She looked down and found one of her buttons of her sweater wasn't done right. She almost ripped it as she tried to fix it, her fingers missing the touch like when they got sore from her practicing her violin for too long.

Should she go home now? Should she tell dad?

A cruel voice inside her head to her he wouldn't care. What about her siblings? Maybe Ben, Allison, Klaus? Even Diego and Luther. They were heroes. They were literally trained and raised for these things-

_Would they even believe you? Wouldn't take think you just want attention like always?_

She couldn't tell them. She couldn't tell anyone. No one cared enough. She could feel her fingers again. Did she even care?

Nothing happened. She pushed him away and ran away all on her own. She didn't even feel his hands on her. Was it even real?

If nothing happened what was there to tell? What was there to say?

Vanya just walked and walked and walked until someone stopped in her track and she looked up from her shoes only to find Five looking down at her with that typical boyish smirk of his, 'Hi.'

* * *

She felt so utterly upset with herself. Upset about going to Mr. Clarke, upset about spending time with him and not seeing sooner that he was...a...a...

-upset about drinking the stupid tea, upset about missing another chance to spent time with Five by silently sitting next to him on a bench looking like a pile of misfortunate things.

'Are you hungry?' he asked after a while, 'You're missing dinner.'

She checked her watch, and realized he wasn't wrong. Right now her whole family was eating a great dinner Grace prepared while she was outside hungry on the street. Then again, she wasn't even that hungry.

'I'm not hungry,' she said for the first time in the last ten minutes that they spent sitting on the bench.

'Not even a hotdog? Or taco? Hamburger?'

She grimaced trying to push everything away and just focus on Five for now. She had her pills in her bag. Later tonight she would take as much as possible to numb all of today out of her mind.

'You know dad doesn't approve of junk food,' she reminded him.

'Dad doesn't approve of many things. He's a buzzkill,' said Five and jumped down from the bench nodding at her, 'Come on, my treat.'

'You have money?' she asked sceptically, but he only winked at her in a way which always made her give in before he led her to the nearest McDonald's. She went for fries in the end somehow feeling like it was the only food her stomach wouldn't immediately decide to throw up.

'So why are you out? School?'

She nodded, 'Pogo allowed me to start taking the bus home.'

'Bold choice,' he said, 'Does it feel as liberating as we always hoped for?'

She smiled a little bit, 'Unfortunately, not so much.'

'Pity,' he said as he continued to eat down his cheeseburger.

'How is school life?'

She broke a fry in half looking at it for a moment before she spoke, 'I hate it.'

She caught surprise flash through Five's face for a moment before he got all concerned, 'How come?'

'It's just... I thought it would be better than at home, but it might be worst,' she spoke feeling like someone was touching her that moment even if she knew that wasn't real. She jerked a bit.

'Oh,' said Five sounding strange, 'Even the music?'

She gritted her teeth before she spoke, 'Especially the music.'

She looked down at the fry and could tell he was watching her the whole time trying to see between her words, but there was no way, he would have guessed what...happened or almost happened or just...

_Shit._

She felt her stomach doing the flip again so she closed her eyes shut.

'Vanya, are you alright? You're very pale,' said Five concern filled inside his voice, 'Maybe you want some tea-'

'No tea,' she said far too quickly which was a mistake as when she opened her eyes she saw the look Five was giving her. He was a genius even if emotions were not his strong suit, there was no doubt in her mind if someone could figure it all out it was him.

'Coffee then?' he asked slowly his eyes observing every single part of her to deduce the truth.

'No, I don't want to be up all night,' she said fearing she would be up and thinking and remembering.

Five nodded and at least order her a glass of water which she was grateful probably the most in that moment.

She knew she made the whole situation tense and awkward again. She wished she would find a way to detached herself from all of that and just focus on Five and spending time with him knowing he would leave soon again.

'I got accept into the music school I wanted,' she said softly after a moment of silence.

She watched as he snapped his eyes back at her from her hand before they flashed with realization of what she said before his lips pulled into a smile. Five smirked and grinned a lot, so his smile...that was something very rare. It made her feel better and proud knowing she caused it.

'You got in?' he asked for confirmation which was something he hated when others did, but he was obviously so excited and happy for her, he just did.

She nodded several times feeling like she could finally express the feelings she couldn't when she did actually get it. She rambled from that moment on about everything from her practise to her audition. Everything she wanted to talk about the moment she stepped foot into a seemingly empty house that day and everything she wanted to talk about the next morning day when the others were hyped talking about their newest mission. It felt  _so_  good to tell all of it to Five as he nodded at her with that smile still there listening to her.

At one point she giggled at how ridiculous she must have looked right then before she looked at him, 'I'm sorry. I just didn't get a chance to talk about with anyone from the house. I-'

'You're an amazing violinist. There was never doubt in my mind that you would achieve your own greatness in that field,' he said and if not for listen to her ramble or holding her when she cried, or just acting like she wasn't a chair in the dining room, then for  _this_ , for these words, she definitely loved him the most from her family.

'Thank you,' she said letting the feeling of joy spread around her like a comforting blanket, not carrying about anything else.

They talked some more before Five checked the clock and with a groan closed his eyes. Vanya nodded and put her hand over the clock, 'It's okay. I'm...I'm really happy you keep coming back.'

He opened his eyes but the pain was still visibly there, 'One day, I won't leave.'

Vanya smiled a bit even if it was bittersweet, 'I will hold you to that.'

He walked her to the bus and even got on it. They walked out on the end of the street. It was night already.

Vanya sighed before she nodded, 'I guess, until next time. I'm already super late.'

'I could jump us closer though,' he spoke casually.

'Really?'

He shrugged his shoulder and pushed his hands from behind his back, 'Of course. Just step closer and hold tight. It might cause you to feel a bit dizzy, but don't worry it's quick like a flash.'

She wasn't too convinced about the dizziness after she still felt her stomach was like an ocean which was trying to rock a boat, but she still found herself in Five's personal space.

His hands were carefully on her waists before he pushed them to her back hugging her. She closed her eyes taking in the feeling of his embrace letting the weight of her shoulders fall a bit knowing she was safe for now.

For a moment nothing happened as he kept on stoking he back in rhythmical moves before he took a deep breath and whispered, 'On three, one, two-'

He didn't wait until three.

For a moment Vanya felt like she got split into tiny pieces, molecules even before she was suddenly put back together. Her whole body felt different, awoken, weird. Her head was spinning, but Five kept her secured in his arms, so she was managing to get a grip.

She wasn't sure how much time had passed, but she didn't even care she just let Five hold her doing her best not to cry. She wasn't entirely sure if she would have and if she did if it would have been because of him leaving or what happened before.

She finally much to her displeasure pushed away from him, 'Thanks for coming. I'm really...I really glad you come back even if you can't stay. It really helps.'

Five watched her for a moment before he nodded and took her hand into his, 'Take care of yourself for me, alright? I will come back as soon as I can.'

His eyes looked so serious and determinate.

She nodded and in the next moment the blue flashed light took Five away his hand disappearing from her own leaving an echo of his touch still there.

Once home, her father was already in the study as the rest of her siblings had some time for themselves before the lights would go out.

She walked to stairs unnoticed until she found Ben in front of her door reading a bit, 'Hi?'

He put the book away and looked at her, 'Oh, you're back.'

He stood up and went to his room which confused Vanya until she heard Klaus as he was walking by, 'He was worried. He thought you runaway or something and wouldn't come back. He would have waited for you the whole night you know. I'm pretty sure he would even sneak out to look for you,' said Klaus and Vanya felt bad for putting Ben through that even if she felt very touched he cared so much.

'I thought you went on a date.'

She blinked and looked at Klaus. Her mind reminded her of the food she shared with Five. It was sort like a fake date.

She found herself smiling a bit coyly before she winked at him. He gasped, 'Wait, are you serious? You can't just leave me with that!  _Vanya_!'

She went to Ben's room where he was on his bed now reading the book not looking at her. She smiled at him a bit before she whispered, 'I would never leave without a goodbye, you know that right?'

He didn't look at her, but his eyes weren't moving over the words either.

She nodded to herself feeling that she should leave him alone, when she heard him say, 'Good, next time please do that. Was it really a date?'

She stopped in the doorway and shrugged her shoulders, 'I'm not sure. Maybe time will tell.'

Ben grinned at her, and she knew he felt good knowing something Klaus wanted to know. He would have fun teasing him with it for a while. Once she was in her room, however, she quickly stripped her clothes and change without a second to spare throwing the clothes to the dirty laundry even if she had a feeling she would never wear it again before she took out her pills and swallowed three at once.

Sometime as all of her emotions and feelings were leaving her she realized she hadn't even thought about using the box under the mattress, tonight. However, she knew herself enough to know she wouldn't be strong enough tomorrow or the day after that.

* * *

The next day in school she put everything Mr. Clarke ever gave her into a bag and left it in front of his office. She didn't know what to say about it or how to feel so she just numbed it by the pills and pushed it away leaving just a bad feeling of a memory somewhere in the absolute back of her mind. He wasn't there and all his classes had substitutes or were cancelled. It wasn't until a week later that someone started a rumour saying that someone attacked Mr. Clarke at home and beat him up.

When the police came they found some child pornography on his computer. It could have been just a rumour, but until the next last day of school Vanya haven't seen the man. She felt a bit relieved even if she didn't have anyone to ramble about music anymore. Well, it wasn't completely trust as Ben asked her about her favourite song and why she liked it, in the morning as they were waiting for Diego to get out of the bathroom.

She wondered if the next time Five would show up she would ask him about the whole beating, even though it seemed unlikely. She didn't really want to confront Five with the whole incident or talk about it for that matter. She liked that it was just a distance unpleasant shadow which no one had to know about. Anyway, how could Five even know? He didn't say anything and looked more confused than anything else the other day. He used to say then again, time travelling knows no limits.

That day she pulled the black notebook from under her mattress and wrote down:

_April 23_ _rd_ _2004: Five came and took me out for junk food and walked me home._

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N: First things first: everyone has different traumas and experiences and everyone reacts differently to both of them. I hope no one will judge or take personally or get offended how I wrote this situation and this story. Everyone has their own coping mechanisms, this is Vanya's. Well, my portrait of her in such a situation anyway. 
> 
> I didn’t cut as deep into this story as maybe some of you would have wanted and I left it a bit on the surface, but in this particular story I wanted to point out the denial and the ability of people to push back horrible experiences to the dark parts of their mind making the situation seem surreal and like it didn’t even happen or wasn’t as bad as someone might say it was. As you know at this point of their lives all the siblings grew up in an abusive home, which in some ways made them almost acceptable to bad things happening to them, especially Vanya. That is all I wanted to say.
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you for support of this story and feedback is appreciated.


	4. December 17th 2006

Vanya was lying on the bed. She wasn't completely sure what time it was, but it felt like the evening. The sun was pretty low causing the room to light up in an yellow and red light.

She had been to the room many times before. After Five disappeared the first time, it became her little sanctuary if she felt brave enough to try and spent time with a sibling. It didn't happen often as she always got too scared and chickened out, and just stayed alone. But if she sometimes took only one pill instead of two she would walk over the hallway and knock on the door.

' _Come in,'_ Ben would call inviting her or whoever was behind into his room.

As usual she would find him behind another book, even if she saw him only yesterday with a different one, which was now on the pile of books he already read.

' _Can I sit with you?'_ she would ask sometimes, and other times she wouldn't and just walked in. Something she would feel brave enough and not as awkward to do so. She would climb on his bed next to him and Ben would put the book away, or he would start reading out loud occasionally stopping to voice a thought he had about the page or the book in general which resulted in a discussion between the two of them.

Then sometimes Diego, Klaus, Luther or even Allison would walk in catching them as they were discussing Poirot's investigation methods or the resurrected characters in King's Pet Sematary. Their siblings would leave either with an eye roll, or calling them dorks, or chuckle.

Still Vanya cherished those moments because they made her feel that she wasn't completely alone in the house, since Five left. It didn't happen often though. Sometimes the fear and anxiety got the better of her, and she stayed inside, and other times Ben didn't let her come in, his door locked as he was also dealing with his fear and personal demons. His in the form of tentacles coming from his stomach. Despite this...it was something. It was someone in the house, who didn't act like she was invisible or not important, like she was part of the furniture and not a person.

Sometimes Vanya thought it was mean of her, and she was being a bad sister, but with Five gone, she couldn't help, but like Ben the most. She knew she wasn't his favourite. Ben was always loved by all. He was Ben. But she felt special when he bumped his leg against hers and asked her about what she was thinking, about her opinion, about her day in school, her music, anything really. It made her feel special enough not to dig out the box under her mattress.

' _Have you eaten today?_ ' he asked eyeing her skinny legs which were sticking out of the skirt that one time, not looking very happy about it, ' _You need to take better care of yourself_.'

She felt incredibly happy about the sole fact that Ben _cared_. She patted his hand and thanked him for caring.

His brows shot up as he spoke as a matter of fact, ' _Of course, I care, you're my sister._ '

Growing up the way Vanya did, made it clear that there was nothing _of course_ about being caring for someone because he was your _family_. It warmed her heart for the first time what felt like months when he said he did.

She rolled to her side to look at the nightstand. There laid a book, Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell with greenish bookmark still marking the page Ben read last. The last book he never got to finish.

She felt tears forced themselves into her eyes all over again. It had been a week since Ben... _died_. Just...died. Like one moment he was here with her explaining his thoughts on Lord of the Rings, and the next he was...gone.

The funeral was three days ago. Three days ago when she took four pills and swallowed them numbing herself completely. No one noticed of course. She didn't say anything, and everyone either assumed she just wasn't hungry or didn't care enough. She figured Luther and Allison would be together. Diego was close to mom at all times. Father and Pogo were constantly in the study discussing something. Now as the last pill swearing off a bit, she remembered Klaus telling them all to go to hell before he left. She wasn't sure if he was back yet or not.

She slowly sat up trying to put together again what happened. The Umbrella Academy went on a mission. She was in the middle of practise when she caught Diego running through the hallway screaming, _'I can't find my gloves!'_

She paid them little to no might continuing before she caught Ben and Klaus. Ben waved at her and she stopped waving back at him only for Klaus to push him out of the way and said that she should way a hanky their way and wishing them luck. Ben rolled his eyes and pushed him out of the way.

' _Ignore him.'_

It still made her giggle.

If she knew it would be the last time she ever saw him, Ben, she would hug him. She would throw her arms around him, cry like a maniac and never let him go. Those damn tentacles would have to rip her apart before she would let him go.

Vanya pulled the bottle of pills from her skirt. She could take another few and just give herself into the completely blankness and emotionless of her state of mind. It would be so easy to just do that. She was tired of the pain. Someone had to go every day feeling everything they felt, but she had the pills, who could take all the pain away and make her feel nothing. _Absolutely nothing._

Numbness and pain. She wanted both. It was always a battle which one would win for the night to keep her sane. Or maybe not even that. Maybe she was crazy for a long time now, but she just needed company. Company of the numbness or pain.

She eyed the bottle for a few moments before she stood up.

' _You need to take better care of yourself_.'

She had to eat something. She hadn't eaten for a few days now. She could feel it, and it probably wouldn't be wise to go another couple of days without food, since apparently no one would notice she hadn't eaten. She also hadn't make a peanut-butter sandwich with marshmallows in a those couple of days. Her silent protest against the fact that Five hadn't show up for a while now.

She walked though the hallway. No one stopped her. From Ben's room she had a nice view to Luther's room, seeing that his bed was empty. Lately their father didn't care at all that he spent almost every night in Allison's room. As she walked she paused by Klaus's room and ajar the door a bit.

It was empty as well. The bed in the same state mom left three days ago. He still hadn't come back. She felt dread consume her from the inside. They were all shaken by Ben's dead Klaus probably worse than the rest, but to disappear like that... Despite everything it was obvious Klaus was a bit weaker than the rest of her siblings. His powers didn't exactly protect him very much and given how often he lost in sparing, he wasn't a great fighter as Diego for example. She knew she wasn't the one to talk when she was useless and had no powers, but it made her even more worried about him being all alone, out on the streets, or wherever the hell he was.

The peanut butter jar felt a bit heavy in her hands, but maybe she was just weak from not eating. It was almost as if the little cartoon elephant on the label was mocking her with his large grin, as she made the stupid sandwich putting the plate on the counter before she made one of her own. She didn't really like them. Too sweet for her own taste, but it would give her some energy and buy some time to decided if she wanted another pill or not.

She wondered about Ben. No one told her what happened, but she caught Diego shouting at Luther that it was his fault, and he should have let him stop, and then Klaus yelling at all of them to go to hell when they cornered him and tried to get him to summon Ben.

She wanted to know what happened. She just heard whispers, and then the body they brought in the closed casket, the man from the morgue whispering to his colleague that it looked like he was ripped apart, he couldn't even put him together, too many pieces.

Vanya felt like fainting just as she almost did when she heard it. Was it true? Did Ben really finally lost the battle against his monsters? His powers?

When she heard the familiar sound and caught the blue light, her heart speeded up before Five popped in the room looking around before his eyes landed on her, 'Hey.'

She stopped chewing putting the rest of her sandwich on plate again, 'Hi.'

She turned her back to him to compose herself. She didn't want to explode or cry in front of him again. She seemed to do that every time he came, 'I made you a sandwich too. It's on the counter-'

Suddenly she felt his arms around her hugging her with his chest pressed to her back not letting her escape, 'I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I wasn't here.'

She closed her eyes tears rolling down her face as she nodded. She couldn't speak. She couldn't tell him his _sorry_ meant nothing considering that Ben was dead, but she nodded. She couldn't ask him where the hell was he when their Ben was dying? Why didn't he come sooner? He clearly knew since he was from the future, and yet he didn't come. He didn't come!

She grabbed his hands and pulled them tighter around her chest and stomach almost too tight, but she didn't care, if not the numbness from the pills she wanted the pain.

When she felt him kiss the back of her head, her knees broke and she felt to the ground, only Five's hold keeping her from hurting herself with the impact as she sobbed on the kitchen floor with Five's arms safely around her.

' _I'm so sorry...'_

* * *

Once she finally got some hold of herself, she turned around to look at him standing up from the cold floor, his eyes were just as red as her own.

'I'm sorry...I couldn't...I couldn't come sooner,' he said, and she nodded again. She wasn't sure if she believed him, or cared. He wasn't here, but she was, their siblings were, and they still couldn't have saved him. Maybe even if Five was here it wouldn't do any good. Maybe it would still end with Ben being gone for good.

She took the plate from the counter and gave it to him, 'I make you sandwiches. In case you come home.'

He looked at it a sad look on his face before he nodded, 'Thank you.'

They ate in silence both sitting next to each other on the chairs. Both grieving in their thoughts. She knew Five was close to Ben as well. Everyone was close to Ben because Ben was close with everyone. They shared a special bond due to Ben's easy nature and Five's complicated personality. When they were younger Vanya would almost be jealous of them being so close not including her, but it was impossible to feel anything negative toward Ben. He was the kind of person, you could only have positive thoughts about and care for. He was too kind and sweet for this world even if he was being upset or annoyed, he was still the nicest of them all including Vanya.

'Aren't you afraid someone will come downstairs and see you?' she asked after a while had passed.

'No,' he said his fingers tapping against the table a bit nervously for some reason.

Her shoulders fell a bit, 'Do you need to go?'

He stopped and looked over at her, 'No...just...I'm sorry.'

She nodded before she found herself saying, 'Can you...do you want to go out with me?'

He looked over at her strangely for a moment, 'Out?'

'I want to look for Klaus,' she explained telling him what happened at the funeral, about how he left and didn't come back yet.

Five visibly relaxed before he nodded, 'Of course, I will wait for you outside. Take a coat, it's cold out there.'

She nodded and went to change and put on a coat and scarf. Five was right. It was cold. It was going to start snowing any day now.

'Thanks for doing this,' she said a bit shyly, 'I know you don't have a lot of time before you have to leave.'

'I have enough time tonight. Let's go,' he said and urged her down the sidewalk.

'How come you never want to see anyone else?' she asked softly, 'I get dad but the others?' she was referring to why he never went to see Ben. Five didn't specifically have bad relationships with the others, but it was clear he never actively seek their presence if he didn't need something. Ben was different. He cared for Ben and wanted him around just like her.

'They don't need me as much as you do,' he said, and Vanya frowned a bit. 'I wouldn't say I _need_ you.'

She didn't like how it sounded. Need. Like the rest of them could take care of each other, but she _needed_ someone. It made her feel somehow worse than before. Like she was needy, and he was only here because of that, not because he wanted to. Her insecurities were once again getting the best of her.

She continued to walk feeling a bit more upset now, 'I heard him mention a couple of clubs and places he likes to go.'

'Good,' nodded Five.

The bouncer at the first place, Red Lipstick, refused to let them in saying they were too young, which confused Vanya as Klaus always spoke who he had a great time in the place.

She watched as Five clearly annoyed insulted the man before he nodded at her to follow him to the alley.

He reached his hands for her, 'I thought you said it was too dangerous to jump into a room you never saw before.'

'I already was there...in the future,' he confessed frowning a bit now.

'Okay,' she took his hand and Five stepped closer to her so there was little space between them, 'Deep breaths, alright?'

She nodded and Five easily teleported them into club's corridor before he pulled Vanya closer to him keeping her in place.

Honestly, how did he got used to this, she would never understand.

Maybe it was a good thing, she could only throw up that one sandwich she had in three days. She felt like she wasn't all there, that parts of her were now loosely attached to her body. It was not a nice experience.

Inside the club it was dark, and the air was heavy, smokey even.

Vanya couldn't help but frown as she watched the people around them getting drunk or dancing. The place was just too much.

She stepped closer to Five already regretting the whole idea before she sighed and told herself she was doing this for Klaus. Ben would have done it.

'Let's split up,' she said and tried to walk, but Five immediately stopped her something in his expression almost dangerous, 'You're an underage girl inside a club full of stranger adults, who are drunk. No way, I am letting you out of my sight, got it?'

She watched him for a moment realizing what he implied and nodded. It made her remember Mr. Clarke from middle school, and she couldn't help, but feel sick to her stomach more than from the jump before she chased the thought away, like she always did.

They walked to the bar and bartender, a tall woman with dark hair, asked, 'What can I get you two sugars?'

'We're looking for our brother,' said Vanya immediately swallowing whatever shyness she might have had from such a pretty person talking to her, 'His name is Klaus. He's tall and has curly hair.-'

'Klaus? Oh, yeah, I know him. Comes here a lot lately. He actually was just right here,' said the woman and pointed at the bar stool before she frowned a bit and looked nervously around.

'What's the matter?' asked Five now frowning at the woman as well.

She grimaced before she looked somewhere behind them. Vanya followed her gaze noticing a room with a large black window in the corner of the large club.

'One guy was chatting with him and buying him drinks,' said the woman, 'I guess he took him home or something. It's not a biggie happens all the time.'

Five stepped closer to the bar with a very intense look on his face, 'You seem awfully nervous for someone who thinks it's not a big deal.'

The woman looked away bussing herself with work, 'Like I said it happens.'

'Klaus is a minor,' said Vanya quickly making the woman's head snap up, 'No.'

'Yes, he's seventeen. He shouldn't even be here let alone drink or go home with strangers,' said Five, 'Maybe we should call our parents and they can call the authorities to check this place out, what do you think?'

The bartender shot him an upset look before she looked up again.

'Is he in _that_ room?' asked Vanya pointing behind them.

The woman looked at her hesitating before she slowly nodded, 'Our manager Bill...he likes him a lot. Klaus likes him too.'

'Great, we can add that to the list when we call the cops,' said Five, but Vanya already grabbed his arm, 'Please, let's go.'

They rushed to the staircase and up to the door of the room before Five without any ceremony opened it.

'Fuck,' said a man almost falling from his chair, 'The fuck do you want? Get out!'

Five walked in, but before he could say anything, Vanya noticed Klaus curly head on the red sofa. Her eyes widened, 'Klaus!'

She rushed around Five and put her hand on Klaus's shoulder slowly rolling him to the side to see his face, 'Are you alright? Klaus, please wake up.'

'He's fine. Just had one too many,' said the man calmly from his chair.

'He's a minor. He's seventeen!' snapped Five as Vanya tried to shake Klaus awake, 'Please, wake up, Klaus.'

'The fuck you talking about? He said he was twenty-two had an ID and everything,' said the man as Five was approaching him.

Klaus mumbled something in his sleep.

'Klaus,' said Vanya again and watched as the taller boy slowly opened his eyes before he frowned his gaze a bit unfocused, 'Vanya?'

'Yeah, Klaus, we should go home. Are you alright?' she asked brushing his face. He looked like he was on something, his eyes were red, redder than if he was just crying.

'Look, I wouldn't have touched him if I knew he was a kid,' she heard the man in the background.

'You _touched_ him?!' demanded Five.

She looked over at them catching Five holding the man by the collar of his opened shirt as he was now standing.

Vanya briefly caught that the buttons on his shirt weren't done right.

She looked back down at Klaus, her hand stroking his hair, but her eyes now went over his body.

'Klaus, where are your pants?' she asked quietly not wanting to alert Five about this yet. She was worried what would happen next, but she felt completely ready to throw up as she noticed her brother was missing his pants. All the worse kinds of thoughts came rushing to her head making her legs shake.

Klaus kept on looking at her before he reached a hand and touched her cheek. The touch was soft almost careful and definitely not _Klauslike_. They rarely touched if it wasn't an accident in passing, but based on what she saw and knew about him. She figured it would be full of energy and movement like everything about him. He always felt like he was on the run, living, breathing, heart beating just... _alive_. This just felt soft and slow and it made Vanya's heartache before he broke it completely with his next words.

' _Why couldn't it have been me?_ '

Vanya froze, 'What?'

'Ben...why couldn't it have been me? Ben's so good and so _pure_ and good...,' Klaus mumbled to himself tears falling down his face, 'Not me...I'm garbage, Vanya...So why did it have to be him? Why not me?' he chuckled at the end, but it almost made Vanya's ears bleed before she felt Five punch the manager and let him fall to the ground.

She brushed her face as she didn't even realize her own tears were rolling down her cheeks again.

'We need to come home. Let's go home, Klaus,' she started to help him into a sitting position, 'Please.'

Klaus watched her for a moment before he closed his eyes again, losing consciousness or falling asleep. She couldn't tell in the moment

Vanya looked at Five as he was coming dangerously close to the manager who was now in the corner shaking his head and begging him not to hurt him.

'Five, please,' she called over at him, and he stopped in track. He looked over at her, and she could see his dilemma between helping her, and going to beat the shit out of the manager.

He suddenly pointed at the man and said in the coldest voice imaginable which caused a shiver run down Vanya's back, 'If I ever see you near my brother again, I will make sure you _disappear_ and no one will find you, got it?'

The man nodded giving up promises and pleas Vanya was sure he wouldn't keep, but it got Five to walk to her and pull down his jacket, 'Put it around his waists.'

As Five helped a very drunk and at least a head and half taller than him, Klaus up, Vanya put Five's coat around him covering his underwear and legs as much as the coat allowed.

'Let's go,' order Five and they walked down the staircase and then outside to the chilly weather and the first snow of that winter.

'Oh, it's snowing,' said Klaus dreamily, and Five groaned probably because he could feel his alcoholic breath on his face.

Vanya looked down the street, 'There's a payphone. I will call us a cab.'

Five nodded as she ran those few steps and called them a ride. As she returned Klaus raised his head and looked directly at her, 'Your boyfriend is awesome, Vanya. Tell me are you thinking about protection? Babies are cute but pesky little things.'

'KLAUS!' she snapped at him her face red before she looked at Five who was shaking her head silently telling her not to say anything about who he was. It caused her to pause for a moment struggling before she nodded.

'Let's just go home already.'

* * *

Five helped her put Klaus into his bed even convincing him not to sing _Drop it like it's hot_ anymore as they entered the house. Somehow convincing him proved to be harder than getting him up the stairs. Of course, Klaus would make it difficult for them.

She tucked him in, 'I will get you some aspirin and water for tomorrow.'

Klaus was dead to the world in that moment.

She walked outside leaving the door slightly open before she walked to her room where Five went to wait for her, 'Thanks for tonight.'

'It's nothing. He's my brother too,' said Five looking at the ground for a moment lost in his own thoughts and demons before he looked up his face even in the complete darkness of her room clearly pained, 'Vanya, I want to come back, and be with all of you. I really do...do you believe me?'

Vanya thought about it for a moment. When he first came and told her he couldn't stay, she started to cry something inside her telling her that if he really wanted to stay he would find a way and do so. Now as she was getting older it was becoming more and more clear that there were a lot of things which were out of the control in life, and people rarely got what they wanted even if they gave up everything for it.

'I do,' she took his hand into hers actually believing him, 'I know you do.'

Five nodded before he stood up keeping their hands still together. Neither said anything for a while, they just kept holding each other's hand standing there.

'I really need you,' confessed Vanya suddenly, 'I...I was upset when you said I needed you more than the others because I thought it was just another thing which made me ordinary, useless-'

'It's not-'

'But I get it now...I really need you,' she said and offered him a small smile, 'Today was the first day I didn't get myself numbed by pills since Ben...it was also the first time I thought about something else even if it was to rescue Klaus's ass.'

Five chuckled a bit even if it was a bit hysterical more than amused before he stepped even closer, 'You...maybe you shouldn't let your life depend on the pills. Just one per day is enough I think. I remember how you are when you take too much...don't do that to yourself.'

Vanya watched him for a moment before she nodded not entirely sure she could do that yet, 'I will try...baby steps.'

'Thanks,' he mumbled a bit awkwardly.

Vanya brushed her hair a bit remember the manager, 'Can I ask something...last time you came did you return?'

'No, why? Every time I come I go straight to you,' he said confused and suspicious now.

Vanya shook her head, 'It's nothing. I just...it's nothing. I thought it was you, but it must have been a coincidence.'

'What did someone time travelled?' asked Five quickly and worried, but Vanya squeezed his hand, 'No. Just someone who...someone I didn't like got hurt, and I thought it was you, but obviously it wasn't. Forget it,' she said hoping Five would drop it.

Ah, as if she would be so lucky.

'Someone you didn't like? Who?' asked Five, but Vanya just shook her head again, 'Please, drop it, Five.'

Five remained silent for a moment before he sighed, the look on his face torn again, 'I have to go.'

Vanya offered him a small smile as she could sense how he really didn't want to leave, 'Thank you for today...tonight.'

'Vanya if I could save Ben, I would. In a heartbeat. But...,' he closed his eyes pain visible in expression, 'I _can't_. We can't risk changing the future we created,' he said giving her at least something to hold onto.

She nodded before she put her arms around his neck in a quick but tight hug, 'It's...it's what it is. Not okay, but...it's life.'

He hugged her back pressing her impossibly close and burying his face in her hair. She felt him shake a bit.

'I wish...I wish so _badly_ that it could be different.'

She pulled away to look at him, 'Come sooner next time. Maybe in a couple of months?'

'Maybe,' he nodded before he leaned away from her completely and a familiar blue light swallowed him whole.

She looked around her now empty room, her eyes landing on the mattress, she wondered about the pills and the box. Somehow when Five showed up, it was easier to leave behind both.

She walked again out of her room and went to Ben's again.

_Just for tonight_.

She told herself as she lied down under his covers her eyes landing again on the book.

Some time had passed, she wasn't even close to sleep, when she suddenly felt the bed shifting.

'Klaus?' she asked as her brother laid down next to her rolling on his side so they could both fit.

He was silent for a while, so she took her hand and run her fingers through his curly hair and shoulder, 'How do you feel?'

'I'm not gonna puke on you if that's what you are afraid of,' mumbled the boy and she chuckled a tiny bit, 'No.'

'I'm...I don't know...I'm sad, Vanya.'

'Me too.'

'I miss him so much, and I can't...I tried...I fucking tried for two and half days to be sober, but I couldn't see him...he wouldn't show up,' said Klaus before his voice broke, and he started to sob.

'I'm so sorry,' said Vanya before she leaned closer to him brushing his shoulder in comfort, 'Me too. I don't know what to think about it...you think? Do you think it's because of the tentacles? That maybe he's not a ghost or maybe he went...elsewhere?'

Vanya shivered at the thought even if she wanted to be brave for him and offer him comfort, 'I hope not. I think...I don't know how ghosts work, but maybe he's just confused somewhere? Or maybe it takes time to appear even to you. I bet...I can't imagine how scary it must have been.'

'Yeah, it was,' confirmed Klaus, and she closed her eyes painfully almost wishing he didn't.

When she felt him put his hand on top of her head she opened them again. He started to stroke her, 'He really loved you, you know? He always spoke with you nicely and asked about you. He liked when you came over to talk to him. He really loved you, Vanya. You were his little sister.'

She felt tears inside her eyes and the painful rock inside her throat which was impossible to swallow down as she nodded and mumbled, 'He _loves_ you too, Klaus. He's here somewhere...he will show up, and I'm sure he will...He loves you too. I think more than any of us, you know that right?'

Klaus pulled her closer sobbing now against her hair as he gripped it a bit painfully, but she didn't mind. It was a welcoming pain balancing the emotional she felt inside her and Klaus. Numbness and pain always made her feel good.

Hours later, when the others caught on to the fact that Klaus returned and his father forced him to the office and then Luther, Diego and Allison forced him to talk with them, Vanya found the time to open the notebook under her bed.

She took it and wrote down:

_December 17_ _th_ _2006: Five helped me find Klaus. Also he teleported with me again._

It occurred to her as she started to write that perhaps, in the future she gave Five this notebook to know what to do during his past visits without giving it all away at once. If it was so, she started to wonder if she could lie maybe and write something else like _Five stayed_ or he showed up to the rest of the family...

She quickly chased such thoughts away remembering the pain in his eyes every time he said, he wished he could stay.

Why bring him more pain over something he clearly couldn't change?

She put the notebook away, and wondered when would Ben show up to Klaus before she picked up the box from under her mattress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N: Hey, sorry I didn't update this one in a while. I got sidetracked with my other stories. I will try to update more/sooner. Like I said I was in a really weirdish place lately.
> 
> I hope you still like the story. Thank you for reading and all the support. If you like you can leave feedback, if not it's also okay. Have a nice day :)


	5. August the 31st 2007

**August the 31** **st** **2007**

Vanya learned to sleep with one eye open or better yet one ear listening ever since her and Five brought home Klaus that one time. He stayed home for about a week afterwards, but then once again started to sneak outside.

More or less, he didn't spent the night out, however, so Vanya was often left to open the window or front door for him so he could get in. This resulted in her having the lightest sleep imaginable and every single time Klaus tapped the window on the first floor or front door, she mechanically rolled out of the bed walked downstairs opened for him and returned to her bed.

Sometimes he would follow her and laid down next to her complaining about how small her bed was. She would usually point out that it was _not_ meant for two people and one of them being a giant like him.

Other times she would hear him go to Ben's room and sleep there. Sometimes she would take her pillow and join him other times she let him be.

Vanya knew they weren't close. Well, not in a way that they could talk about _real_ things. Him poking her and telling her that if she didn't stop wearing those brown pants, he would call the fashion police on her, didn't count. She meant things which matter.

She tried to ask him about Ben a couple of times, but she always chickened out the moment she remembered him crying like a little baby after he died. She couldn't force herself to say one word when she did.

Other times she almost told him about the old first aid box under her mattress confused why she would do that in the first place. He was Klaus. He was always so full of everything of life, always looking like he was having a good time. Just enjoying the life. He wouldn't understand.

Tonight she laid away for a different reason however. She had a big deal ahead of her. It was around three o'clock and in a couple of hours she would head to look at her first apartment. It had been a little over half a year since she started to plan her future outside of the academy and the house. Ironically it was Klaus's doing that made her think about it in the first place.

'I can't wait to hit eighteen and get the hell out of here,' said Klaus one day as he decided that he wanted to do Vanya and Allison a makeover.

'Me too,' seconded it Allison immediately as he was flipping through a magazine.

'Look up,' ordered Klaus Vanya as he was doing her eyelashes.

'Where will you go?' asked Vanya softly. She knew it was probably stupid, but she honestly didn't thought of leaving the house for good until they mentioned it. With Klaus's comings and goings she just assumed everyone would stay around. Maybe she was just clueless or naïve, since it sounded like they had talked about this a lot.

'A friend of mine will take me in.'

She frowned at that a bit hoping the friend wasn't the manager of that club from last year, but not sure she could talk about it in front of Allison.

'Well, I'm going to L.A,' said her sister and smiled brightly at them, 'I already talked with Mr. Jones, who's going to be my agent.'

'Talked or rumoured?' teased Klaus earning a pout, 'Forget it. I'm gonna be big, rumour or not everyone tells me I got talent.'

'For lying,' commented Klaus as he checked Vanya's eyes, 'Alright now the lipstick.'

'Is this really necessary?' she asked as she eyes the red colour on the lipstick Klaus presented.

'Yes,' said Allison and Klaus at once, but Vanya felt like it was too _red_ for someone as pale as her. Why waste it on someone as…unremarkable as her? No one ever saw her anyway.

'Besides, don't you want to look pretty for your _boyfriend_ ,' said Klaus with a sneaky smirk, and Vanya felt her cheeks go red from how hot she felt, 'Uh, who?'

Allison put the magazine away, 'Boyfriend? What boyfriend?'

Klaus pointed at Vanya, 'Don't even bother. You said you have been on a date, and I remember the tall dark hair and handsome from the time you took me from the club.'

Vanya rolled her eyes, 'I never said it was a _date_ -'

'Ben told me,' said Klaus immediately, 'He couldn't keep a secret for the life of him.'

For a second Klaus grimaced in an odd way, but Vanya dismissed it as just his responds to talking about Ben.

'Well, very _nice_ of him, but it wasn't a date. We just ate-'

'With who?' demanded Allison now fully invested in the story, 'How is it that Ben knew? Klaus knew and I didn't? Your _only_ sister, Vanya. That hurts a bit.'

Vanya felt like rolling her eyes, but she settled for a sigh before she tried to explain again, 'Just this friend-'

'A tall and handsome boy with black hair,' said Klaus teasing, and she rolled her eyes this time, 'Fine, yes, but he's just a friend.'

She lied through her teeth. She couldn't give up Five's secret like this. She knew it was important only she was aware he was coming back. If he could show himself to them, he would, but he didn't and she didn't want to mess this up for him. She already found her peace in the sole fact that he could come back not like Ben who was well…gone.

'Who you sometimes go out with it? On dinners and late night missions to rescue your intoxicated siblings?' asked Klaus.

'Exactly,' said Vanya trying to keep as neutral face as possible not giving anything away. She knew she wasn't a good liar even if it was for Five she felt the truth at the tip of her tongue ready to be let out into the world.

' _I heard a rumour,'_ started Allison suddenly both Klaus and Vanya's eyes widened and they froze, 'that you tell us if he's your boyfriend.'

Vanya felt the familiar compulsion, they were all familiar since the time Allison was little and used her powers carelessly whenever she wanted to.

She shivered before she frowned over at her hoping the other girl would at least feel a bit bad for doing that, _'He's not my boyfriend.'_

'Do you want him to be?' asked Allison, but because she didn't rumour her Vanya could speak freely, 'No, he's…he's like a brother to me.'

'Yeah, don't you have enough of those lying around?' asked Klaus before he waved his hand, 'Forget brother and friends, look for a boyfriend. And the dude might have been a bit grumpy. I'm pretty sure he called me a man-child at one point, but he also cared for you. He told me not to give you shit. Trust me no one goes looking for some teen in the cold night just from the goodness of his heart.'

'I looked for you,' objected Vanya.

'Because we're family. That's what we do,' he grabbed her chin, 'Now don't move. I'm gonna make you pretty.'

'Did you kiss him?' asked Allison interested.

'No,' said Vanya once Klaus was finished. She always wished she could cut the charade by telling who _tall and handsome_ was but then thought it wasn't worth it. At least they were spending time and talking to her. For now at least. Even if she preferred they didn't talk about _Five_ who they assumed was her _boyfriend_ such a ridiculous idea. She felt embarrassed about it. He was…well…he was _Five_. It was such a silly thing to say that he was her boyfriend.

Klaus showed her a mirror. She looked…different. She looked older with makeup and definitely more noticeable, but she couldn't decide if necessary prettier.

She still looked over at Klaus and smiled, 'I love it.'

He squealed like a little girl and pulled her into a hug which Allison quickly joined. This didn't happen often. Apart from Five, no one ever hugged her but since that night Klaus became just as affectionate toward her as he usually was to the others. It was nice. She liked getting hugs from him. With Klaus being so tall, it was almost as if she was a child receiving love and embrace from a father. Apparently she still wished for it even if she had learned by now that she couldn't' expect it from the man who adopted them. She knew by now that the _adoption_ was only for the public eye. He might as well had bought them and kept them as pets.

When they pulled away and chatted about Allison's future career as an actress Vanya's good mood was slipping away. She started to realize little by little that everyone would leave.

Klaus would go to his friend's hanging out with new group he found.

Allison would go to L.A.

Luther would probably follow Allison to the moon and back.

Diego kept bitching about leaving since he was thirteen.

It really knocked the air out of her to realize she was the only one who didn't plan on leaving.

But she couldn't really stay could she?

Well, theoretically she could and had to because Five was coming back, but did she want to? She was currently finishing her studies in music school. After she would be finished next year she would have a diploma and could work in the music industry or teach. She got a scholarship so she didn't have to pay for her studies, but everything else was covered by dad. House, food, clothes, if she needed a new book for school. All that was covered by dad.

She couldn't imagine a life on her own. She would have to find a job, well part-time job to cover for her until graduation which was still one year away. She would have to find somewhere to live which meant pay a rent, food and all of that. How come the others seemed to have it all figured out? Right, because they weren't _her_ and they always had everything figured out.

The fact that she was even thinking about it and weighting her options proved to her that she in fact _wanted_ to get out of the house. She was already allowed far more privileges when it came to the outside world than the rest of her siblings, and as far as she could tell she liked the world behind the doors of the Academy.

She saw how everyone just seemed to go on with their lives, not carrying about the TUA at all. In fact the group of people she sometimes sat with at lunch in school never even mentioned them although they had a mission or were in the news. People in her school were music geeks and teenagers who just liked to talk about music occasionally something normal life related.

So it was decided then. She needed to start looking for a job and earn some money and find a place and leave this house.

The job, well part-time job was surprisingly easy. She knew she didn't want to be a waitress or anything which required being in the presence of drunk people or people who eat.

She felt pity for the poor woman in Griddy's whenever she saw how some of the little monsters left the booth after they were done. With that in mind she started to look for a clerk position in stores with pretty much anything but food. She dreaded to think she would have to clean an alley after some of the messes she occasionally witness. She might as well be cleaning up crime scenes.

She found her place in a nice little corner bookstore, where an older lady with Russian accent, Ruslana, hired her on the spot. The store had its charm and Vanya liked how the woman just looked so eccentric like an actual character from a book with her cigarette, red hair and three cats walking around the shop like something out of a Neil Gaiman story.

Since she didn't have school on Fridays at all and some days she only had evening or morning school, she worked out a time schedule with the woman for her shifts. After the school year was over, she worked every day even on most of the weekends killing any form of social life she might have build, but she didn't mind all that much. Before the job, she would spent summers all day at the house and this gave her reasons to get out of the gloomy gothic horror atmosphere.

Her father didn't seem the care what she did anyway, but she did feel an obligation to mention it at least. Oddly, it was Diego who looked the most surprised.

'You're working in Little Odessa?' he asked as he came into her room after she announced it in the living room by passing.

She shrugged her shoulders, 'It's a bookstore.'

'Yeah, on a street full of Russian mafia,' he said and Vanya made a grimace, 'I doubt I will meet any of them in a _bookstore_.'

They continued to look at each other, and Vanya had no idea what was happening.

'When do you get off at work?' he asked.

She honestly didn't know why did he want it for but she gave him her schedule, and he gave her a knife.

He didn't say anything, didn't comment on her schedule, just hand her over a knife and walked away.

Vanya still found herself smiling a bit as she gripped it. It was a nice gesture. Something which told her he cared even if he didn't say it.

She didn't tell him she couldn't bring the knife with her because of their metal detector in school, but with her first earned money she invested in a pepper spray and started to save up.

She even spoke with her guidance councilor, who was offered her some options about her studies and how to carry on even if she would have to be on her own. She also pressured Vanya into applying for a scholarship in the local college and what she needed in order to get in.

With a plan in mind and working her way to handle her departure, she found out a thing about herself she didn't know before. She was very responsible and organized if she put herself into a new project. Honestly, it was the first time, she ever felt in control over something, her future, and it felt good. It felt great even to have a plan and be able to work her way through it. Crossing out things from her to-do list to her own success was very satisfying and rewarding, and it even made her feel a bit happier, calmer and a bit proud about her own dedication to all of it.

It was Friday today.

She asked for a day off with Ruslana, and arranged a meeting with a landlord she spoke on the phone a couple of days ago. He was supposed to show her a one bedroom apartment, she noticed in the news. She wasn't very hopeful, she was sure it would take longer than that to find a good and affordable place, but she was willing to start somewhere feeling almost busted with energy from the prospect of trying something new and moving up her list.

Klaus came home around four-ish that night/morning, but she didn't might. She was too excited to sleep anyway. She got dressed. After a moment of consideration going for her only summer dress, as it would probably be the last day she would were it. No way she would put it on to school.

She was waiting at the bus stop when she noticed him walking toward her.

Vanya scared him a bit as she jumped him pulling him into a hug, but she didn't care. She really missed him, and she was glad he showed up today of all days.

'I'm getting an apartment,' she said as she pulled away to look at him feeling even happier when she said it.

Five looked down at her and smirked, 'Really. Sounds fun, care if I join?'

She grinned at him and nodded. She couldn't help but take a moment to look at him closely.

Klaus was right. He was sort of tall with dark hair and handsome. He grew older since he left, and she had to admit she was very nice to look at.

With a grimace, she forced herself to look away feeling a bit silly about looking at him like that just as the bus was coming.

They ended up on the bus together, and then in the worst neighborhood imaginable at least by Vanya's opinion.

Five looked over at her as they passed a couple of shady looking gangster, 'Uh, no.'

He even put his hand on her back urging her a bit as they passed a man peeing in the alley next to the building.

'No,' he mumbled again under his breath.

After the landlord looked her up and down for what felt like the 5th time and told her that if she was late with rent they could arrange _other_ _ways_ she could pay, Five full on pushed her behind him and gave the man what she assumed was his _deadly_ look. She was never on the receiving end of one of those, but from how quickly the man's face went pale, and he backed up, Five must have perfected it over the years.

Once the man went to unlock the door for them Five looked at her over his shoulder, 'No.'

They followed inside to what was essentially not much bigger than one of her siblings' room, but if her sibling's room had a restroom and kitchen counter squeezed together.

She was about to point out that the toilet was next to the kitchen counter, when Five turned around to face her, took her hand in his and led her outside without a goodbye to the man or a spare look.

'Hell _no_ ,' he said grumpily once they were outside not breathing in the smell of vomit and toilet which was inside the whole building.

Vanya looked at him, 'Well, it was just the first place.' She tried to be hopeful.

'That was not a place that was a –never mind,' he said leading her down the street back to the bus stop, 'I have a better idea anyway.'

The ride took about 20 minutes, but it was clear they were in a better looking neighborhood.

She looked over at him as they stopped in front of a relatively decent looking apartment building, 'Okay, now you will just spoil me, and I will hate every other place I find. I will never be able to afford _this_.'

'Don't knock it out until you try it,' he said before he smirked at her in that way which made stomach flip knowing whatever he was planning would cause thrill and trouble.

He took her hand again and led her inside which puzzled her a bit. When they were younger, _very_ younger like four-ish she remembered they sometimes took hands as they walked downstairs for dinner, and lunch, but after a certain age all displays of affections were forbidden and frowned upon. Then they hit puberty and that was a whole different problem all together.

He let him guide her up the stairs.

Vanya was confused how he knew exactly which door's was the landlord's as the man in his forties with a limp led them to the apartment.

She was right. Now she was spoiled. The apartment wasn't big at all, but it was lovely. It wasn't a one bedroom apartment as she was originally looking for. It had another room, not very big but still there. It could be a very small child's bedroom like she had in Academy or it could be a very large closet or study.

Five pushed her a bit into the apartment, 'Look around a bit. I'm going to talk with Mr. Wheeler.'

She knotted her eyebrows in confusion but didn't say anything about why he wanted to talk to him.

Looking around she had to admit it was a very nice apartment. Without the furniture Vanya could easily picture what she would like there and where would she put it, and it made her smile warming her heart to do so like it was a game.

It would be an amazing apartment.

But it wouldn't be hers. She didn't even ask Mr. Wheeler about the rent, but she was positive even with her savings, her part-time job and some stipendium she wouldn't be able to afford it.

Accepting the disappointment she was about to walk outside before she had the craziest idea and took a spin around the large living room on her heels, her dress flying away and then hugging her legs as she took the spin and stopped.

Now that she got _that_ out of her system, she turned around only to find Five looking at her with a soft smile on his face.

She chuckled pressing a hand over her cheek embarrassed. It wasn't often that he smiled. Smirk, yes, all the time, but smiles were rare, and soft and so _different_ making Vanya feel all sort of strange.

'Yeah, _shut up_.'

'I didn't say anything,' he said still smiling, and she rolled her eyes hoping she wasn't red on the face as she felt while walking toward him. She felt like all her blood rushed to her face now.

'It's a nice place,' she commented approving the whole apartment very much.

'Oh, you think it's more than _nice_ ,' Five teased her.

Vanya rolled her eyes, 'Alright, it's a very nice place. It's amazing even-'

'-Good because it's yours,' he said cutting her off.

'-But it's not affordable-Wait, what?' she asked him seriously now realizing what he said.

'All you need to do is sign the lease when you move in-'

'Whoa, wait, hold on. I can't just sign a lease I can't afford it,' she said raising her hands to try and reason with him.

'I already spoke with Mr. Wheeler. It won't be a problem. He lowered the price for you,' he explained calmly and Vanya honestly didn't know what was more humiliating that Five arranged it or that the nice old man lowered the price for her.

'Five,' she sighed at him.

'Would you rather live in the nightmare we saw earlier-?'

'I would rather live somewhere I can afford on my own,' she said and Five clenched his jaw. She knew he wanted to argue, call her stupid or something similarly sharp as he usually did when he clenched his jaw like that, but in the end he just sighed and stepped closer.

For some reason after seeing him almost lose his temper with her like that she wanted to step back. It wasn't necessarily out of fear. Five could be a cruel person if he wanted to, but he would never _willingly_ hurt her if he could avoid it. Still there was something about his heavy gaze on her as he moved closer to her which made her feel nervous like before a recital, almost scared.

He put his hand on her shoulder suddenly and spun her around so she was facing the living room with the view to the kitchen as well as a bit of the larger bedroom.

As he put his other hand on her other shoulder she felt her heartbeat speed up for some reason, and his hold on her almost burning.

She felt him pressed closer to her. With how much taller he was from her, not as tall as Klaus or Diego, but still pretty tall, it made her wonder how old was he right now.

Before she could ask him he leaned closer to her ear from behind and said in a very low voice, _'Just picture it.'_

He meant to picture living in such a nice place, and it was completely normal, but Vanya couldn't understand why was her heart trying to break free out of her body with how hard and fast it was beating and why did her mouth suddenly felt so dry.

She swallowed a bit shaking and closer her eyes trying to compose herself for a second from the weird spell which landed upon her.

'You could have a nice couch right there,' he continued his voice a bit hoarse now.

Her eyes flew open upon hearing that before she listen to him describe how the apartment might look with future.

'And in that smaller room you could have a music room for you also filled with books,' he said, and she giggled a bit sadly, 'A whole room full of books? Bed would have loved that.'

Five was quiet for a while before he snickered, 'Ben would have _loved_ a house full of books.'

She smiled, 'Yeah, you remember how Klaus once said his personal hell would be him being stuck in a library with nothing to do but read all day? I bet Ben would have loved that.'

She felt him chuckle before he put his arms around her neck and shoulder pulling her closer to him so she was now standing with her back pressed to his chest. Now it didn't feel so heated or new. Now it felt natural, and it made her feel calm smoothing the tiny bit of ache she felt from talking about Ben.

'Will you come visit?' asked Vanya as Five started to slowly move with them like a lift in a nice summer breeze.

He hummed, 'As long as you will want me to.'

She thought it was a strange thing to say, but she paid it little mind after that as she was happy for what felt like the first time in a while. Really happy.

'Then you are always welcome to come,' she said and meant it.

'Good,' Five replied sounding a bit different now.

Vanya suddenly thought about something remembering something from earlier, 'You knew immediately who was the landlord.'

She turned around and looked at him, he let her go, 'Do I still live here in the future? That's why you know him and this apartment? And want me to move here?'

He watched her for a moment before he looked away, 'It wouldn't be wise if I gave it all away tonight.'

She pouted for a second before she turned around and looked at the bare apartment again, 'I could move in a month.'

'He will keep it for you. You can get cheap furniture in advance except for the mattress,' he said and it momentarily caused her to froze for a moment, but he continued without a pause, 'Make sure the mattress is new. It will kill your back otherwise.'

She realized it was just a coincidence and chuckled before she turned to look at him, 'You're so weird sometimes.'

'I think you mean _caring_ and _looking out_ for you, and _you will be grateful_ in the future for that,' he said smugly, and she rolled her eyes.

His expression was lighter now as he looked around lost in his thoughts, 'What's my life like in the future?'

He sighed, 'I already told you. Less gloomy, but I can't say more.'

She watched him for a moment. She wished he would tell her more, 'It's our birthday in a month.'

'I know,' he said not showing emotions, 'I…I won't make it.'

She nodded and tried to take it lightly, 'I didn't…I didn't have my hopes up anyway.'

'Ask Diego and Klaus to help you move,' said Five as he started to walk to the door, 'They will help.'

'I'm not planning to take anything from the house,' she followed him.

'The furniture you will buy,' he clarified, 'Make them useful.'

Vanya chuckled at that.

He walked her to the bus before he said he had to go again. She accepted it like always.

Before she stepped into the bus, she hugged him tightly, 'Don't stay away for too long, okay? Just…just don't.'

She felt his hand in her hair as he kept her close for a moment not letting go, 'I'm proud of you. You're doing this. You're getting out. You'll do great. I know you will.'

He let her go and watched her get on the bus and sit down.

Vanya raised her hand to wave at him right before he disappeared in the same flash of blue as always. She looked down at the skirt of her dress and straightened it a bit with her palms. Her mind reminded her what Klaus said a couple of months earlier about Five being her boyfriend, and how she was going on dates with him. It was sort like a date. He came and they spent time together just the two of them.

She knew it wasn't a real date, none of the times he came were real dates, but they were nice. Spending time with Five was nice even if it made her feel a bit weird at times like her heart was pounding and her face was burning.

As she walked out of the bus, she realized it could be a crush. Five showed up and spent time with her, only with her, which was the kind of attention she rarely got. He wasn't around much apart from those times, and he was quite handsome. He was also quite affectionate and protective toward her. Maybe she was misguiding her feels and created a crush on him.

It caused her to pause in front of the house frowning. That would be the last thing she would want. She _loved_ Five. He was her brother. She wanted him to continue to come around, but if she messed it up somehow with one-sided feelings, she could lose him forever.

Vanya walked inside promising herself not to let whatever childish silly feelings she might be foolishly developing on him, to get in the way of their good relationship. She couldn't lose him over this, and she wouldn't.

Five cared for her, and she needed him.

Once she got home, she went to her father. She wanted to start with the preparations for her departure.

'I'm planning to leave soon,' she said as she walked into his office after being allowed to.

She waited a moment for a respond before she said, 'Move out after my birthday really. Uh, I just wanted you to know.'

'Very well, number Seven, I will arrange housing and college,' said her father without looking up from his notebook.

Vanya blinked, 'Well, thank you, but that won't be necessary actually.'

She looked away for a moment to gather some courage, 'I'm going to figure it all out on my own.'

For a second, she saw her father stopped writing. He didn't look up, but he clearly got affected by what she said. She wasn't sure if she was happy or worried about it.

'Number Seven, do you honestly believe you will make it on your own? All your life you have been fed, clothed, and taken care off. Everything you ever had was because of your association with this academy. No matter your insignificance in its importance.'

Vanya stood frozen in place upon hearing that.

Her father continued to write.

'That's not true. I…I got into the school-'

'After a rather generous donation from the Academy,' said her father and Vanya forgot what she wanted to say.

'What?'

'I sent the donation the about three months before you sent your application to the school. I imagine it had a great deal on their decision whether to take you in or not,' he said still not looking at her and continued to write.

'However, you are not a part of the Umbrella Academy, you have no obligation to stay if you wish to leave as well as how you wish to deal with your life. If you want you can leave even now it won't be in any inconvenience for us.'

Vanya stood still not sure what to say to that really or what to say at all before she took in a sharp breath forcing herself _not_ to cry in front of the man and walk out of the office. Her father didn't say anything else, but he sort of didn't have to.

She packed one bag took her violin case and went to back outside. She crossed paths with Luther on his way to Allison's room.

'Hi, what's with the bag? You're going to a concert?' he asked eyeing the bag suspiciously.

She shook her head before she handed him the note she wrote her address on, 'I'm leaving.'

'Wait-what? Leaving where?' he asked and looked at the address as she already started to walk, 'Wait, Vanya, does dad knows?'

'He doesn't care,' she mumbled before she turned around, 'If you want you guys know where to find me.'

* * *

Mr. Wheeler opened the door for her and led her in, 'Here you go. Your boyfriend told me you might come sooner anyway.'

Vanya nodded. She figured Five knew about her leaving sooner, which must have been why he already arranged everything today.

She walked in before she stopped as she noticed the locks on the windows, 'Those weren't-'

'Oh, no, he gave me money to have those put. I told him it's the second floor, but he insisted. I get it. It's a dangerous world out there. I have a daughter about your age. We have locks too.'

Vanya offered him a smile, 'Thank you, Mr. Wheeler.'

'My wife is making enchiladas today,' he said suddenly, 'Stop by around 5. If your boyfriend shows up bring him too.'

Vanya didn't even know how to react so she just smiled as the man gave her the keys and walked away.

She looked around. Mr. Wheeler and some neighbor helped her carry the new mattress she bought earlier today.

As she went to pay him for the first month rent, he shocked her by telling her her _boyfriend_ apparently already paid the rent for a year giving him some ridiculous story about how he was in the army and would leave soon. And how he wanted her to be safe alone in the apartment.

She had work in the morning so she just took a quick shower made sure everything was locked before she lied down on the bare mattress. She brought only a few things from the house. The box was one of those things.

She couldn't hid it under the mattress now as she had no bed, so she put it under one of the wooden planks which was a bit lose. She remembered her dad's words about how she got to the school and she felt tears in her eyes.

Could it be true? Did he really go her in? She used…she thought…she was so sure this was the one thing she achieved all on her own, but could it really be he set it for her? What about her job? Did he also have a word in it? It would made sense. She shouldn't even be surprised.

She wasn't good. She wasn't good at all, she was just lucky to be adopted by one of the donors. Mr. Clarke told her she was good, and showed interest in her music, but he turned out to be a total creep who tried to rape her.

Vanya dug her fingers into her hair ready to pull them out as she chuckled hysterically in the dark. Even Five had to arrange the apartment for her. All her life someone always took care of everything for her. _All her life._ She thought she was so smart and had it all figured out, but she didn't really had control over anything.

After what felt like a while she finally calmed down.

She turned on the light again to wash her face a bit.

When she came back to the room, she pulled out the notebook and wrote down: _31_ _st_ _of August 2007: Five helped me find an apartment._

She couldn't help but realize Five always showed up when she needed him the most, always saving or helping her in a way. She really was pathetic and useless wasn't she? She couldn't even take care of herself. How the hell was she supposed to survive the real world on her own?

She took out the box and opened it.

Afterward she took a pill and set her alarm as she lied down on the mattress. It felt strange to sleep in a new place, all alone, no one around. So quiet. Very quiet.

She thought it would feel good, great even, the independence? Leaving dad and that monstrous house. But really it felt terrible and lonely, and Vanya couldn't help but wonder if she didn't make the worst mistake of her life by leaving.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N: Hello, thank you all for the support and reading the story. There isn't much I want to say today. If you like leave a feedback. Thank you again


	6. November 27th 2007

It happened about 3 months after her moving into her apartment and learning how to live independently, away from her family house.

It wasn't like the world had magically become sunnier or better, there were no birds singing softer now or colours looking brighter. Nothing as silly as that. The world looked the same, the city looked the same. Everything around her looked the same, and yet, it was like for the first time in ever Vanya could breath.

It didn't happen all at once, it took time and adjusting but when a month went by, and she was organizing her first bookshelf, Vanya realized she really did feel better when she was away from the house and Reginald and in general the Umbrella Academy madness. She would like to think she made friends with her neighbours, especially her landlord's daughter who was two years younger than her. She had her group in school, her boss was good to her and in general she had a good life for now. She even started to spent time outside of their normal places for meeting. It was nice actually. Even when she was alone, she got used to it by now and filled her time with music and books just as she would at home. Sometimes she got a call from the house, Allison, or Luther, occasionally Diego or Klaus if he needed something, or ask if she finally threw out her brown pants.

On Sundays she started to have family dinners with Wheelers and even started to learn how to cook from Mrs. Wheeler. She was even getting use to them asking about her boyfriend, and not blushing too hard when she had to talk about him. As much as she wanted to deny it, after a small incident when one of her classmates ask her for her phone number, she realized she was actually accept Five as her boyfriend and was even a little bit crushing on him.

The realization didn't cause her to panic or even feel terrible about it, just neatly tug it into a box and store it into her mind, she supposed she always liked Five the most and a bit different than the rest of her siblings. She always felt like they were connected and close, and she felt the most hurt when he left the first time throwing all they shared and have away like it didn't mean anything to him.

She knew she didn't have a lot of experience with man and with everything Five did for her, it seemed like the natural course of events she would develop a crush. She took it in as practically as possible. People crushed on people all the time. It wasn't like it meant anything. Five was never around, and even if he was he didn't feel the same way, he always called her his favourite sister which meant he saw her as a _sister._ As depressing as it sounded Vanya felt calmer knowing that would be the case, and she wouldn't have to worry about it or ruin what they had. She would be perfectly happy if he never found out and they could continue with him coming whenever he could and her being there. She should have known by then that calmness in life like that never lasts.

* * *

It happened on the third month, Vanya was sleeping or more like in between when the doorbell from downstairs rang.

Assuming it was Klaus again, she got out of the bed, she bought two weeks ago, and walked toward it. The day after she left, Klaus came knocking on her door in the evening looking very disappointed and offended even if he didn't admit it, that she left without telling him. She wasn't feeling like discussing dad and how he triggered her so she lied saying the landlord wanted her to take or leave the apartment that day. She let Klaus in, he gave his approval, and she took him out for dinner because she didn't have any food in the house yet. He bitched a bit about how now with her gone they all tried to leave, but Reginald assured them he would have the police bring them back if they tried. Still, they only had like 30 more days to go.

'You know he's only pissed because he realized he couldn't control you anymore?' asked Klaus as he was stuffing his face with a hamburger, in the same place her and Five had been to.

She grimaced, 'I doubt he cares.'

Klaus chewed a bit before he spoke, 'No, it's true. We talked about it. He probably realized there was nothing holding us back as we realized that if you can leave we can too.'

'That's not true. You guys had plans to leave _way_ before I even thought about it,' she reminded him, but got confused when he offered her a sad smile, 'Yeah, but it's a long way from bitching about leaving because your dad is an asshole to _actually_ leaving. You're the only one who had the balls to do so, sister dear. I respect that.'

She took the offered compliment and smiled back at him.

Anyway, since Klaus left the house he sometimes showed up at her place in the middle of the night the way he used to do back in the house when he decided to sleep in her bed.

At first she thought he was worried about her, or maybe his friend who was supposed to give him a place to stay kicked him out, but in his drunk or drugged state she sometimes realized it had nothing to do with that and more with the fact that he just didn't feel like being with anyone else but her in that moment.

She didn't realize it at first because Klaus was just so _Klaus_. He was the definition of a person who was always having a good time and looking so happy and excited about everything. He didn't give a shit about what people thought and just enjoyed the life even if that meant drugs and alcohol and sex. It took a while for her to realize that he was actually just as sad she was.

But maybe she always knew. Maybe that was why she was so drawn to him because they were the same in this. She tried to act all emotionless and he as happy as possible when both were suffering from the pain of loneliness and depression.

She turned on the speaker and even if she was like ninety-eight percent sure it would be just Klaus, she said for good measures, 'Hello.'

'it's me...,'she blinked confused.

_Not Klaus._

'Five,' she heard before she realized it was him. She just didn't recognize the voice first. Strange.

She buzzed him in, 'Come in.'

She felt a bit of a struggle with the door before he must have opened them. Maybe they were jammed.

She unlocked the door, but kept it closed waiting until she heard footsteps coming up the stairs and the hallway to her apartment.

She greeted him with a smile as she opened the door even if she was a bit surprised that he would come this late at night. Then again she learned to accept he had reason to come at the hours and days he came.

He didn't meet her eyes and just straight out walked toward her couch which Klaus got her from a friend, where he crashed down like he own the place. Well, since he paid for a year of rent he sort of did, didn't he?

Vanya closed and locked the door before she walked up to him, 'Uh, Five? Are you alright?'

He was looking somewhere ahead of him not showing any signs he heard her. Fear crawled into her heart at the sight of this. She never saw him like this before.

She squatted down in front of him, 'Five? Hey, are you alright?'

He didn't respond, so she carefully put her hand on his wrist, 'Five, please.'

His eyes immediately landed on her before he grabbed her own wrist and stood them both up, 'Why didn't you tell me before?'

She blinked confused.

'Tell you what?' she asked quietly and confused before he pulled her closer almost causing her to lose her balance their faces inches away now and his breath on her face.

'Are you drunk?' she asked momentarily losing her worry as she tried to pull away and cover her nose. After spending time with Klaus, she immediately detected the alcohol on his breath which now explained his somewhat weird behaviour.

'Oh god, not you too,' she said now a bit annoyed. How did she end up with two dumbass brothers?

Her annoyance was short lived as he suddenly pulled her back to him to face him, 'Why didn't you tell me about that fucker sooner? Clarke? What he did? Why?' he has his tongue slipping over the words a couple of times before he pronounced them correctly.

She swallowed a bit hard at the mention of the man's name, 'Five...'

'It happened the day I came, didn't it? I knew you wouldn't just hate music, and I could tell you were upset, and yet you didn't tell me,' he said and let her go instantly falling back to the couch.

Vanya watched him feeling her heart hammering inside her chest like it wanted to burst out. She didn't want to talk about it. She didn't want him to keep talking about it. She didn't want to think or remember it.

'Why did you-'

She covered him mouth before he would finish whatever else he wanted to say, 'Just shut up. Don't say anything.'

His eyes watched her in silence before he nodded shortly, and she moved her hand away.

His eyes burnt her with intense questions she wasn't ready to answer and maybe she would never be so she just looked away feeling it was too much when she caught the sight of his hands.

His knuckles were bruised and covered in a bit of blood, 'Five?'

She kneeled down again and took his dominant hand looking at them. A sudden realization came to her. He really did not know about Clarke and what happened to her that day, but he knew now and he must have time jumped to the past to beat him up. So it was him.

She felt a new wave of irritation grow inside her as she was trying to focus on something else than the cruel memory Five was making her re-live again.

'So what? You can't come to save Ben, but you can jump to some paedophile's house and beat him up?' she snapped at him surprised by her own outburst.

He shot her an upset look she saw many times as a kid but never directed at her.

He stood up, and she had half the mind to take a step back, but she didn't holding her ground and trying to redirect the whole situation to something else, something she wouldn't feel like the victim of.

She was sleeping in her bed, and he just stormed into her life like always wrecking it and her apart like always, and she had to wait for him all the time never knowing when he would show up again and would happen. And from the people, unavailable people, she had fell for him? Of all the people who would be bad for her or impossible to be with, he was the worst in every day.

When he grabbed her chin, she was completely at loss of everything words or motion as he spoke, 'How is it that no matter where I go, whatever time I enter you are still the most complicated woman there?' he asked leaving her confused as to why was he holding her chin like that or saying.

'You can't even imagine how freaking frustrated you make me feel.'

She swallowed hard looking into his eyes. Were they always so intense and _green_? Did they always make her feel weak in the knees?

'I make _you_ feel frustrated? Me? Seriously, if you came here to argue you might as well-'

He grabbed the back of her head with his other hand and kissed her before she could say another word completely catching her off guard.

Many things crossed her mind then. Things like what the hell was he doing, things like his breath was so heavy and covered in alcohol, things like why did it feel so good, and why was she kissed him back.

And then she felt him deepen the kiss, and she parted her lips for him and all those things were gone, replaced with just the feeling of his touch and kiss.

She read about first kisses before. She read about how awkward they could be, or sweet, or passionate. Authors always described them in such a surreal way like they were something out of this world divining, something just almost magical or heavenly. Now Vanya realized, it wasn't entirely true. The kiss itself was just that, a kiss, a word they used to describe the action of pressing one lips against the others, it wasn't bad or good, but it was just that a kiss. The real magic was happening somewhere completely else. Somewhere inside, in her heart, her soul. The real magic was in the feeling the kiss could evoke. The feeling of being held, and cared for. The feeling of everything else losing its value. The feeling of something you never knew you missed yet from this moment on you would always crave.

_The feeling of falling in love._

She let her fingers touch his cheek as she tried to mimic his movements in her first attempt of a kiss before she couldn't breathe anymore and pulled away realizing she could have done it all along if she wanted to. But she didn't want to pull away, did she now?

Vanya pressed her fingers against her lips and watched him for a moment still in shock and confusion and a bit of panic as it all came back to her.

He kissed her...

Five kissed her just like that on the lips...like...like it wasn't a big deal...

He didn't look at her, instead he chuckled and sat back down leaving her stunned standing looking at him, 'You're the most confusing person I know. I can never tell what's on your mind. _So_ _complicated_.'

Vanya blinked watching as he leaned his head against the couch unsure of what to say.

_She? She was the most confusing and complicated person he knew? He had to be joking._

'I beat him up,' said Five suddenly before he closed his eyes, 'He won't hurt anyone ever again.'

She nodded before she realized he couldn't see her and said, 'I know. Thank you.'

He opened his eyes, 'Do you want to talk?'

She felt her heart drop a bit. About what? The kiss? What happened with Mr. Clarke? How he found out? The kiss?

She felt so confused in that moment. He just showed up, told her he knew she was assaulted and then kissed her out of the blue.

Vanya lowed her fingers from her lips, 'Five, what...what happened in the future?'

The way he acted. It was obvious she had to tell him about Mr. Clarke so he went and beaten him up and got drunk. That was the most logical explanation.

He suddenly stood up looking different than before. Wrecked, upset, sad like he was hurting.

'Five-'

He put his hands on her shoulder and let out a shaky breath, 'I...I don't think you should wait for me anymore.'

She blinked not fully understanding or wanting to understand what he just said, 'What? What do you mean?'

Five swallowed a bit looking like it was physically hurting him to say what he said next, 'I...I think you should move on.'

'I don't understand,' she said slowly, and he shook his head, 'Yes, you do.'

He brushed her hair a bit almost gently which was like he was trying to kill her even more cruelly as possible with what he said next, 'Don't wait for me...we...it won't happen.'

Vanya swallowed feeling like he was suddenly ripping her heart out, 'I don't understand.'

'Vanya,' he groaned and closed his eyes painfully looking like he was about to cry, 'We...won't happen. You have to stop waiting for me. You...you have to find yourself a nice guy, a good guy, someone sweet and nice. Someone who can be here every day with you. Someone will deserve you, and...and give you all you want. Someone who you can have a family with, kids, all of that.'

She stepped away from him, 'I don't understand what you are talking about even. You show up here drunk and argue with me and then kiss me and now you're telling this, and you call me frustrating, and complicated and confusing? What the actual hell?'

'I'm sorry,' he said and jumped to the door before she had time to blink.

'Five! Don't,' she called out, and watched him pause in the doorway, 'please, just talk to me. What's going on?'

He didn't turn around, but he spoke, 'When we were kids, I used to think we would be together forever. I used to actually believe it that you would always be with me no matter what. Then I time travelled and now I'm in the future and...I want you to be happy. I never wanted anything else.'

'So me being happy means finding some guy and have a family with them? This is what you're saying?' she asked shaking her head, 'How do you expect me to be happy without knowing where you are or if you're okay?'

'I'm always okay,' he said in the most monotone voice she ever heard him spoke it like he wasn't alive even, like he wasn't human even.

'I'm in the future, and you're there, and you're happy and that's all I ever wanted for you,' he turned to look at her, 'Good night, Vanya.'

She shook her head as he opened the door and left. She had half the mind to run after him, and do what? Tell him not to go? Tell him to explain all this?

She already tried that and he still didn't explain anything and left.

After a couple of moments she walked to the door and locked it after him. She didn't know what else to do.

For a moment she wasn't sure it was even all real. It was night so maybe she was asleep. But then she remembered the wonderful feeling inside her when he kissed her, and then pain when he told her that they wouldn't happen, and all she knew she could never create such two feelings on her own. She was familiar with the pain, but no self-inflicted pain ever hurt as much as him telling her all those things.

Vanya walked to her bedroom before she laid back down on the mattress for a couple of seconds. Before she knew it she was up again pulling the old first aid kit from the lose plank and opened it staring at the content for a couple minutes before she suddenly closed it and put back on its original hiding place.

The she pulled out the notebook and wrote:

_27_ _th_ _of November 2007: Drunk Five told me to find a boyfriend._

She stared at her words for a long time before she grabbed the notebook and threw it across the room. She had half the mind to throw it into the trash or burn it, but instead she laid back down and closer her eyes praying for exhausted to help her fall asleep.

Before she knew it, she felt hot angry tears falling down her cheeks.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N: Hey guys, thank you for reading and the support. If you want leave some feedback if not it is okay as well. Thank you.


	7. March 8th 2012

'I think we should break up.'

Vanya stopped chewing and looked up at Tom not sure if she heard him correctly, 'Excuse me?'

The man, her boyfriend (well apparently not so much now) sighed, 'I'm sorry this was not how I planned for it to go.'

Vanya titled her head before she looked around. They were sitting a dinner close to their school. It wasn't uncommon for them that they stopped here for lunch or just to sit around until their next class. They were people here, and it felt too real to be a dream so no she wasn't dreaming, this was really happening.

She was...confused which puzzled her even more. Maybe she was in shock, or maybe her pills were just numbing her down too much. Shouldn't she be outrages? Upset? Angry? Sad?

'Look,' he started again looking very much lost and nervous which oddly made her want to reach out and touch his hand to comfort him somehow.

'We have been dating for about six months now, and it wasn't bad. It was actually pretty good, but it was _just_ good,' he said looking like he hoped she would understand, 'I think. I noticed, and I knew this from day one, that you're not a very open person, and that you tend to just go along with things.'

She blinked genuinely surprised by this assumption, 'What?'

'Like last week you clearly didn't enjoy the art show I wanted you to come, but you came anyway even if I saw that you didn't like it at all and was very upset about being there,' he said.

It was true last week he asked her to come with him to an art show of one of his favourite upcoming artist. It was...well she supposed it was art, but it was strange. It was basically chairs or other furniture just lying around, and she was sure it had serious meaning, but she didn't understand it or find anything enjoyable about it. Still, she thought she did a pretty good job to look supportive and not offend anyone by expressing her dislike. Then again, she was told many times she was a terrible liar.

'I thought that was what people usually did for people they are dating. Go out of their way to be with them even if they don't enjoy the scenery?' offered Vanya and Tom smiled a bit sadly before he sighed again, 'Yes, but...it just feels like you're always going out of your way just to make me happy, and I mean, I should be all for it because my last girlfriend was just super argumentative and so opinion it was exhausting as hell, but...I feel like I don't get to know the real you because of it. I know you for almost a year, and I can count the things I could _actually_ know about you on the fingers of both hands.'

Vanya looked down at her plate, her appetite gone as now she did feel a bit sad and guilty about what he said, 'I'm sorry-'

'Gosh, no, don't apologize if anyone should be sorry it's me. I think, I liked that you were like that...trying to please me and what I wanted, it's really nice, but in the long run, I like you too much to do that to you. Also...like I said, what we have is _good_ , but...'

He looked a bit away.

Vanya gave him a small smile knowing what he meant as she thought about it for the longest of time as well now, 'It's not love...there's no spark.'

'Yeah,' he nodded, 'it would have been a good harmonic relationship all the way, but...we're young, Vanya. You're young. You're the nicest and kindest person I ever meant, and I think you deserve someone who lights you up completely, someone who you let into all those little dark corners of your mind you don't anyone,' said Tom, 'And if by six months that wasn't me I would never be that person.'

He had a point. A very solid point. By then Vanya already started to wonder about how would a future with Tom like, and for some reason, it made her feel a bit hollow inside whenever she pictured their perfect little life together. It would have been nice, calm, and very harmonic for sure, but she felt strange when she thought about a life like that. She felt unhappy.

She sighed before she admitted before she could stop herself. 'I know. I knew. I was...I was in love once,' she said realizing it was the first time in over five years since she said those words out loud. It was the first time she said it since she realized it at one of the worst nights of her life when she got her heart broken.

'like that passion and spark and everything was just intense I felt like my heart would burst,' she said recalling how she felt when he kissed her and showed her he cared before he walked out on her, 'It didn't work out, but yeah that was love.'

Tom took her hand suddenly as if trying to comfort her, 'See. Six months and this is the first time you ever mentioned that.'

Vanya shrugged her shoulder, 'I was a long time ago, and it...ended badly.'

'Still, _that's_ what you deserve. Not the heartbreak, but the real love, real spark.'

She nodded even though she wasn't sure if she really did deserve it.

He led her outside of the diner. As far as breakups went Vanya had to say this was far nicer than she expected.

Tom offered her a hug brushing her back. She felt like she was just saying goodbye to a friend she wouldn't see for a while. Apparently it really wasn't a good relationship.

'Hey, don't look for _this_ look for a spark. Look for all of that the crazy heartbeat and butterflies in your stomach and even a bit of a pain with intensity which drives you mad,' he said before he let her go, 'Don't cut yourself short on that. You really deserve a love like that.'

'Okay, you too,' she said and nodded before they both walked into different directions.

Vanya put her hands into her pockets of her jacket as she continued to walk. It was the beginning of the spring, but it was still a bit colder. Even if their relationship ended on a light tone, she couldn't help, but analyze what Tom told her.

She met him about a year about in a psychology class she took for extra credit. He was studying architecture and appeared to be a nice person to be around with. He didn't mind that she wasn't chatty. They studied together with their study ground in the library and afterward or before they often stopped for coffee, where they got to know each other a bit better.

To be completely honest she was very surprised when he asked her out that first time. Some of her female classmates sometimes invited her here and there, but never a male one. She immediately knew it wouldn't be just hanging out, so she asked Sarah, her landlord's daughter to help her pick something to wear. After she dismissed her entire wardrobe she offered her to lend her a cute dress, she wouldn't fit in anymore because she was too tall for it. It hugged Vanya nicely. The date or hanging out was nice, they talked a bit about school, their mutual friends, and life. By that time the glory of the Umbrella Academy had started to slowly fade away so she easily dodged or avoided questions which would lead to it. If he noticed at the time he didn't seem too bothered by it. Since he did most of the talking, they somehow ended up talking about first crushes, and he asked her about herself. She said all too quickly she didn't have one feeling only a slight pain in her chest when she did so. She bitterly pushed it down, mentally reminding her heart, she didn't own _him_ anything.

Maybe to prove something to herself, her heart, or _him_ , at the end of the date she leaned over and kissed Tom on the cheek thanking him and telling him she wouldn't mind doing it again. Honestly, she didn't know where did the boldness came from, but she quickly rushed upstairs just in case it decided to leave her.

Once in her apartment she tried to call Allison, but her personal assistant picked up and told her she was having an important photoshoot for some magazine which should have meant something to Vanya with how serious she said its name, but she honestly never heard of it.

'Alright, just...tell her I said _hi_ ,' she said and ended the call shortly afterwards. She didn't bother calling Klaus as his phone got disconnected about four months ago, what number he was using now or where he even was she didn't know.

She hoped he was okay. She would be lying if she didn't say she didn't look for him in every alley she passed by or waited a dreadful call from the police or the hospital.

Vanya pushed those thoughts away again as she walked home. She couldn't blame Tom. In fact she was a bit glad, now that she thought about it. Pretty much their whole relationship was them doing things what he liked so she would please him and make him like her more. She was always eager to please everyone around her and make them like her more. It was also true that during the six months she didn't tell him about her family, or _him_ or anything from her past which could be considered sharing.

Maybe she was just kidding herself with the whole thing. Maybe she wasn't ready for any sort of relationship with anyone. Tom was a good man, but if she couldn't open up to him, who could she be open with? Who could she let into her darkest corners of her mind and souls as Tom put it. Who could she allow to love her, all of her and who would she be able to love back?

'Hi,' she heard and her head shot up as she recognized the voice.

For a couple of seconds she once again wasn't sure if she wasn't dreaming as she was glancing at _him_ standing by her apartment building obviously waiting for her.

He brushed the back of his neck in a nervous way. He was wearing a black suit and blue shirt which she had to note went nicely with his eyes.

'How are you?'

She chuckled before she covered her face with her hands for a second. She must have been dreaming, no, not dreaming, she was having a nightmare. Her worst nightmare after almost five years was coming true.

She put her hands away and threw him as upset look as she could make before she started to walk toward the door to the building without a single word.

'Vanya, wait,' he called from the street, but she ignored him and continued to walk. Of course, he showed up today, of fucking course he should up _now_. She just got dumped and was rethinking everything about love and relationships and _he_ just had to show up to wreck her life again. Well, not this time.

NOT. FUCKING. THIS. TIME

'Vanya, please,' he jumped in front of her causing her to jump back if she didn't want to crash into his chest like so many times before. She didn't. Not this time.

She walked around him, but heard and felt him follow, his footsteps just as firm as she remembered them although his voice sounded far more desperate, ' _Vanya, please, stop._ '

She shook her head not trusting herself to tell him anything as she got up the stairs to the apartment. Just as she was about to get in, he must have jumped again because she heard that familiar sound. When she felt him grab her wrist, she lost it.

'Vanya-,' she cut him off with a slap which caused him to let her go and take a step back. She had no illusions that it must have been from the shock more than the actual hit, but she took pride in knowing she had the guts to do so and that it shaken him a bit.

'Don't you dare to jump inside!' she told him as coldly as she was capable of doing before she walked in and locked the door after her.

Her palm hurt a bit, but she ignored it.

She got dressed into more comfortable clothes and went to prepare dinner for herself. Over the time, she first started to live on her own she got quite decent in some foods mostly thanks to Mrs. Wheeler and Sarah. She found a bit of joy if she could make something for herself and Tom, in the past for Klaus when he was still around.

She groaned when she realized she made too much for herself as if her subconscious was too good for her own good.

Although it was quiet outside, she knew he was there. He was a stubborn bastard, and she had no doubt he was there waiting for her to crumble.

She took half of the food put it into a dish.

She found him sitting next to the door on the ground. The moment she opened he was up on his feet looking at her ready to say something, but she just handed him the food and went back in, 'I'm sorry!'

He called out before she closed the door which caused her to pause.

She heard him take in a long breath, 'I'm a piece of shit. I know, and I'm sorry that I was drunk and rude and an asshole to you.'

She looked at the door. Even if she couldn't see him, she could easily picture him standing there holding the dish looking intensely at the door with his eyes all big and apologetic. Admitting to do wrong used to be the hardest thing when he was a kid. Vanya knew that didn't change.

She opened the door and nodded inside, 'Come on, I don't need all my neighbours to know my business.'

Five nodded quickly before he came in still holding the dish.

Once inside he looked a bit around. It wasn't too obvious, but she did notice he was snooping or looking for something.

'So what? You're going to start showing up again?' she asked annoyed before she went and took the dish from his hands setting it on her table.

He looked a bit lost at words, 'Sort of. Maybe, I...I don't know, I mean. I know I just can't...tell you.'

Vanya chuckled humourlessly before she shook her head, 'Of course you can't.'

Five watched her for a moment before he sighed obviously frustrated, 'I know it's a lot, and unfair to you, but-'

'Oh no,' she said and shook her head, 'You don't know anything. You come as you please, you make me feel like I matter to you and then you just tell me-'

'You _do_ matter,' he said and stepped closer like he was about to reach out for her but stop himself. She wasn't sure if she was grateful for it or not. Seeing him standing here after five years. There were times she hated him so damn much she wanted to erase him from her mind completely. Other times, she held onto the memory of him hoping he was safe and alright in the future and that he would...maybe come back again.

'You matter to me more than you can imagine,' he said his eyes looking so pained, she almost felt bad. Almost.

She looked away, 'Yeah? You have a funny way of showing it.'

He was quiet for a moment before he said, 'I...uh, I stopped drinking.'

She blinked before she looked back up at him.

He smiled a bit looking a bit awkward which was such a strange look for someone normally so confident as he was, 'I know you didn't see it as much of an issue until last time, but in the future it was bad...really bad.'

Vanya watched him for a moment before she brushed a few pieces of hair behind her ear, 'So what that's an excuse? That you were drunk?'

He shook his head quickly the smile gone, 'No. There is no excuse. I was a total jerk toward you, and I'm so sorry, I-'

He looked to the side for a moment and pause his eyes catching something.

Vanya followed his gaze noticing where his eyes landed.

It was really cold a couple of weeks ago and Tom landed her his jacket. She kept on forgetting to return it to him so she left it hanging on the hanger by the door. It was clearly a man's jacket, and it was obvious Five noticed.

He clenched his jaw for a moment, and Vanya recognized the look of irritation, she witnessed on him so many times before while they were growing up. It was a look he often had when he was pissed, but he tried desperate not to show it to appear calm, reserved and almost untouchable.

For some reason it annoyed Vanya, nevertheless.

'So what's his name?' he asked suddenly.

Corrected, this didn't annoy her, it pissed her off.

'Why do you care?'

He snapped his eyes back at her. He was breathing a bit harder as he narrowed his eyes at her, 'Genuine curiosity. Not to mention I have a right to know who my sister is dating-'

'You have a right to know? You don't have a right to know anything! You left! You went out of that door and didn't come back for five years and now you show up and _what_?'

He took a step closer, 'I did it for you.'

She rolled her eyes, 'Really? Really! You kissed me!'

She could tell by the way he flinched that she threw it at his face, but she didn't care.

_He just...!_

_He was so...!_

_He made her so...!_

_ARGH!_

'You kissed me like...like I mattered, like it mattered like maybe...just maybe you felt the same, and then you told me to move on. You,' she jabbed him into the chest with her finger.

'You told me to _move on_ that we wouldn't work out!' she knew she was practically screaming now, and she didn't care.

'You knew I had feelings for you, you knew you were going to leave me, and not come back for _five_ years, and you still kissed me and left me, Five,' her voice lowered by the end, 'You...you apologize and say you're an asshole and you're sorry and yet you show up and all you do is try to pull me into that mess all over again.'

Five watched her in silence before he shook his head looking defeated, 'I know none of this makes sense, but please, trust me it's-'

'Important,' she cut him off, 'The future depends on it. You're like a broken record at this point, you always say it's all important for the future to turn out the way it has to but what? I need to suffer like this for it to be okay in the future. Is that what this is about?' she asked before she took a step away from him turning around.

'I'm such a mess from all of this you can't even imagine,' she shook her head.

'I just want you to be happy, and I know it might look like I'm just causing you pain, but I swear I want you to be happy, Vanya, and I'm doing everything I can to secure that for you in the future.'

'What about now? What about the present? My present, Five. Why can't I be at least a little bit happy now? Why do you have to show up today messing me up just as my boyfriend broke up with me because apparently I'm no good with relationships? Why today of all days?' she asked and turned around noticing the shocked look on his face. He didn't bother to cover it.

'Wait...what?' he asked slowly like he didn't understanding her at all.

'What what?' she crossed her arms. Why was she doing this to herself? Why didn't she just tell him to leave? Of course there was this little tiny voice inside inside her brain which whispered the answer pointing out that her heart hadn't stopped beating like a drum since she saw him outside her apartment, but she purposely acted like she didn't hear it.

'He broke up with you?' asked Five, and Vanya rolled her eyes, 'That's the only thing you caught from all of that?'

'He broke...but he wasn't supposed to...he couldn't have you...,' Five looked away for a moment consumed by his own thoughts.

'But you said...,' he suddenly looked back at her all the anger and shock gone completely as if only now he just understood something.

'Said what?' she asked looking at him feeling a bit exhausted from the whole fight.

Five took a step closer toward her. He still looked a bit shaken as he spoke, 'I...I'm an idiot.'

She chuckled a bit and uncrossed her arms looking at him with all the tension she must have gotten mad but she actually felt either like crying or laughing, 'What now?'

He looked over her face for a while before he continued, 'I told you...What I told you I made it sound like it wasn't important what you felt. I made it sound like I didn't care about your feelings for me...that was not right because I do care.'

His eyes looked just as green as they did that night five years ago when he shattered her heart into pieces.

She took a step back, 'Don't.'

'Vanya, I...love you,' he said, and she gasped because she never imagined she would hear him of all the people to say that. She never would have imagined she would hear him say sorry either but to say he _loved_ her was a whole new level she didn't know how to accept.

He took another step closer, and she was so shaken by his confession, she didn't step back this time.

His hand touched hers, and she felt the spark go off turning on a flame inside her, she already forgot she used to have around him.

'I loved you since we were kids, and always have,' he said his eyes never leaving hers even if his voice was a bit shaken. It was first time for many things as just like with the other things she never heard Five so nervous almost anxious.

He swallowed a bit, 'Even now.'

He leaned closer to her. He was so much taller than her, he felt like he was towering over her as he pressed his forehead against hers still looking at her.

'I love you, Vanya.'

She tried to look away, or close her eyes, but she found them glued to his not being able to move them even an inch. Why was his stare so hypnotic? Why were her knees so weak all of the sudden? Didn't they remember what he did to her? How hurt she was, and how hurt she would be again? Didn't they care? Didn't she care?

Somehow after what felt like eternity she found her voice and spoke or more like whispered, 'You're going to leave me again.'

'But I'll be back,' he said quickly swallowing again. Apparently their proximity was doing something to him as well, 'and this time...after this time it will all make sense to you. Vanya, and in the future...we're together. You and me, we're there in the future, and I promise it will all make sense after this time.'

She felt like crying, but at the same time she felt like tiptoeing and kissing him again just to feel his lips on hers one more time as she had been dreaming about them for years since that first kiss never being able to put the feeling they created inside her rest.

'How long?'

'What?'

'How long will you be gone? I need to know. I want to know how long before you come back again,' she said frowning at him. She needed to know. This one time. She needed to know because he was planning to just come here tell her he loved her and then leave for another five years he might as well get out because she wouldn't survive it. Not again. Not without something, some hope, something to hold on to.

'You know I can't just tell you-'

'You have to because if I don't know...if this time I don't know...I...I can't let you in again,' she told him firmly pushing herself not to go back on her words. She needed this. She needed something. Some control over all of this madness of his comings and goings. She needed to know when she would see him again after today.

His eyes looked into her as if he was trying to determinate if she was serious before he nodded and said, 'Four months. I'll be back in four months.'

She should have pushed him away and tell him to go. She knew what would have happened if she didn't. She would let him in, and he would break her heart maybe not today, but maybe next time or the next or the next. He would just shatter her once again like before, and the worst part was that she would let him. She wasn't sure if she deserved a love like this, the passion, spark or whatever, but she wanted it. She craved it since the first moment, he showed up back from the future, she knew she would be doomed to heartache but continuing meeting him, but did she ever had a choice? What choice was there when she loved him since she was a child and then so brutally without a goodbye got separated from him? How could she not fall for him all over again every time he came back when she never stopped loving him?

Vanya watched him for a moment before she stood up on her tiptoes and pressed her lips against his immediately feeling that it was nothing like the soft almost chaste kisses she exchanged with Tom. The moment they touched it was like everything exploded inside of her and around them, and Vanya couldn't help herself, but completely melt against his chest as he put his arms around her.

She never really had a choice in this, did she now? She could only be a slave of her own heart which hadn't slow down since he came back torturing her every day of her existence with the love for him.

His kisses were wild and heavy, and they caused her to get lost in the feeling of absolute bliss as their hands run over each other's bodies feverishly seeking new places to touch, grip or pull.

When his hands found her waists and lifted her up, she broke the kiss with a startled yelp before she put her arms around him.

'Warn a girl before you do that,' she said her lips hurting a bit from all the kisses. She never made out with Tom so intensely almost making her lips soar from it.

_She loved it._

He carried her to her bedroom, 'The warning was implied that all is fair game.'

'Really when?' she asked as he lowered her on the bed sitting her down on the edge.

He stoked her cheek looking at her adoringly. He looked the happiest she ever seen him since he started coming back. Even his old eyes which must have been through a lot looked a bit lighter, 'When you kissed me with those addictive lips.'

She swallowed as his words caused a familiar sensation to run through her body all the way to her centre.

He kissed her again but this time only shortly before he stood up and loosened his tie the previous unfamiliar awkwardness gone. He was all cocky and confident as he started to unbutton his jacket before he tossed it away, 'If it's okay with you, I'm going to fuck you now.'

This knocked the air out of her. How could he just say it like that? How?

Five smirked clearly enjoying her surprise before he kneeled in front of her looking into her eyes.

'I'm going to need you to say that you want me to.'

Vanya nodded too quickly hoping she didn't look as embarrassed as she felt, 'Yes.'

He leaned toward her again and kissed her so rough she almost forgot her name. He took her by complete surprise when he grabbed her thighs again and lifted her moving her to the centre of the bed as he put his knees on it and followed.

When he broke the kissed he was smirking, 'Took my advice about the mattress I see.'

She rolled her eyes and pulled him by the collar closer, 'Less talking.'

'Fine by me,' he whispered before he kissed her again while also lowering her back to the bed and with her hand pulling at his collar following her. She didn't know what possessed her but at one point she grabbed his lower lips between hers and sucked it earning a moan from Five.

Just like that she found her favourite tune.

He pulled away from her face after that and started to unbutton his shirt to which she popped up on her elbows and watched him for a moment coming to terms with what they were about to do.

She felt hot all over her face as she realized it.

_I'm going to have sex with Five._

Once he tossed his shirt somewhere to the side he reached for her again kissing on the lips before he moved to her neck. It was nice for a while just to feel his hot open mouthed kisses there before she felt him scratch his teeth and then bit her skin there causing her to bounce her hips to forward causing both of them to groan a bit.

It got only more heated from that moment as his hands started to map her body under her favourite sweater and she realized they were too overdressed. She wanted, no, she _needed_ more skin.

She sat up while their lips were still locked with him following her lead before she broke the kiss to pull her sweater over her head Five already unhooking her bra. She should have known he would be good at that. Was there anything he wasn't a child wonder in?

Vanya would be lying if she didn't hesitate for a second as she pulled the straps of her bra down. She even covered her breast for a second as she took the bra and threw it to the side on the now pile of clothing they were creating on her floor.

When she looked at him, she could tell he was breathing a bit harder than before eager to look down, but he didn't. He kept his eyes on her face giving her the time to adjust and be ready to show herself to him.

She felt a wave of adoration for him in that moment before she took another bold move and let her arm fall loosely to the side of her body revealing her in front of him naked at least from the waists up.

His eyes stayed on hers for a moment as if he was asking for permission before he lowered them down.

She watched as he parted his lips a bit and swallowed hard. If it was possible, she would have sworn he was blushing a bit, but this was Five. She never saw him nervous about anything...well until today. Maybe that was the problem. She always saw him as someone...superior to her. Someone who had it all figured out, always knowing what would happen next, what to do next to successes. But this was Five who cried with her over Ben's death in the kitchen, and lost control almost killing two men for hurting her and Klaus, Five who was scared and sorry for hurting her and definitely upset about Tom's jacket. He was human just like her. He made mistakes, hurt people got hurt, he could be awkward, and embarrassed and somehow that made her feel a bit braver and less embarrassed herself in that moment.

She moved forward and took his face between her hands which caused him to blink confused. She would have laugh a bit at how ridiculous it looked. What, he got hypnotised by her tits?

Instead she guided him down with her kissing him on the lips to remind him what they were doing. It didn't take long for him to get over his momentary frozen state as he brought his hand into her hair and started to slowly but lovingly kissing her neck and moving to her chest right to the middle before he went to explore her breast.

When Vanya was alone taking care of herself in the dark, she never felt any pleasure from her breast. She tried to massage them, stroke, or cup them to see what it would do but it never left her feeling anything. She started to think it just wasn't an erogenous spot for her and maybe she could only get herself of with her fingers against her clit. Then Five's teeth gently sunk into her nipple and she cried out from the sudden out of nowhere sensation. Okay, maybe she just didn't know how to properly touch them, or it might have been the fact that _Five_ , her Five was the doing all of those wonderful things with his lips on her skin.

She brushed a hand into his hair which caused him to look up at her. His fingers slowly stroked her face as for a moment he just looked at her. He looked so composed, calm and so _happy_ just enjoying the moment before he kissed her again letting her taste all the hidden lust she could see behind his eyes.

Her hands moved from his back and hair to his waist and she started to work on his belt. It took her a while, and she groaned at one point from frustration over the stupid thing not opening up, but Five kissed her melting it all away before he helped her slide them down with his boxers.

Now she was the one staring. She saw movies with nudity even porn so she _knew_ how one would look like. But seeing it in person was just...different. It made her face go hot all over again from how hard and red it was. She couldn't exactly tell if it was pretty or ugly. She doubted any of those descriptions could be labelled on penises, but it made her want to press her legs together and rub them a bit on instinct so she couldn't find it was nasty. She even felt her mouth went a bit dry at the thought of what would it feel like inside of her.

It was only in that moment that she realized what this would mean. Actually mean. It didn't scare her. It didn't scare her at all, but it did cause her to consider telling him. It seemed like the right thing to do.

She looked a bit away and reached for her own sweat pants, 'I...I've never have done this before.'

After that she looked up to see his reaction.

A smirk pulled on his lips for a second like he was proud to know he would be the first one before he asked, 'But do you want to? You can say no if you don't,' he said but she noticed how tense his voice was like he actually thought she would.

She pushed her pants all the way along with her panties before she threw them on their pile on floor, 'I want to.'

He nodded seemingly relieved before he brushed his hair. She didn't fail to notice the way his hands shook.

She laid back down on the bed, and he towered over her for a moment before he kissed her so passionately she lost herself in the kiss like he was trying to take something from her, steal it. She wasn't sure what that something was, but she knew that he didn't need to steal it, whatever it was she would give it to him freely with a smile on her face. In that moment she would give him anything he wanted.

As they kissed his member brushed against her for a second causing them both to moan.

Five broke the kiss pressing their foreheads together panting a bit harder, 'I never did this before either.'

'Huh?' she asked ridiculously. It took her brain a moment to decode his words.

'Oh,' she said blinking before she gave him a pleased smile which was a product of the rush of fondness she felt for him in that moment. For her to be a virgin was understandable. She was so reserved and even with Tom they never took their relationship to any significant level, and she didn't have it in her to have her first time with some stranger. Except for Tom no one ever seemed to take interest in her in that way. At least she didn't notice so. She wasn't pretty or remarkable in any way which counts when it came to looks. She got used to it. Some people were pretty some people were not that was just the way it was.

However, Five was just so...brilliant, handsome and hot. He was so cocky and smug it was frustrating as hell, but she would be lying if she didn't admit how many times it got her heart to skyrocket. He had all those sharp edges on his face she wanted to touch for so long. And he was so tall and beautiful she didn't understand why he was interested in her at all...

Anyway, she couldn't believe no one ever offered themselves for him.

'You're surprised,' he noted, and she stroke his face feeling pleased that she could touch those sharp edges she only enjoyed watched for so long until now, 'Can't imagine no one offering.'

He turned his head and planted a kiss on her palm, 'No one worthy. No one even mildly interested or pretty. No one like you,' she could feel her blush spreading through her face to her chest.

'No one I wanted.'

She bit her lip. It sounded too good to be true, but also too good to pass the opportunity.

She found the strange boldness from earlier and jerked her hips a bit causing him to groan, 'But you want me?'

When his eyes opened, it was like he turned into an animal. She could tell there was very little rational left in him, and if she wasn't turned on by all of this, she was definitely now.

' _I always want you,'_ he almost growled at that point.

'I wanted to be with you and have you so bad I lost my mind at one point,' he leaned down and kissed her again as if he wanted to show her, to prove the intensity of his words.

'I wanted you so bad all the time, but I wasn't sure,' he kissed her throat and then moved to the sensitive spot he found before again.

'I wasn't sure by any of it this. Future you is a fucking Riddler. A mastermind really.'

She moaned as she felt his fingers stroke her clit suddenly. When did those get there?

'You always say things and yet you're not saying anything, and it's the most frustrating thing ever. I never know where I stand with you, and you're so...you look so smart and calm while I'm a nervous mess around you,' he said, and she had half the mind to tell him he was doing the same to her when he rubbed her again causing her to ground her hips against his.

' _Vanya,_ ' he groaned into her ear through his teeth.

'Five please,' she panted against his cheek.

A moment had passed when she assumed he had to compose himself before he kissed her all the way through her body to between her legs.

'Wait you want to...' she said as she realized he was going to have him mouth on her _there_ with the way he going.

He looked up with a smirk, 'Vanya, until today I wasn't sure I would ever be with you. I thought it was too late, but now I know it's not. It's all right on time actual, so now I want to do all sorts of things now, to you and with you and some things you could do for me.'

How could he possibly make her feel even more aroused than she already was?

'So yes, I want to go down on now,' he finished and offered her a small grin before he actually went down.

Vanya let her hands go into her hair and pull at them hoping she didn't smell bad or would make some weird sound or do something strange. She was so unprepared for this.

_So unprepared..._

She realized just how unprepared she was when she felt his tongue lick her all the way from her opening to her clit causing her to jerk into his face.

_So unprepared..._

Five grabbed her thighs to push them further apart as he settled between her legs and blew her mind.

For some reason she had never felt more present, more in the moment than she did when Five had his mouth on her sucking and licking her for all her life. It felt like the first time she stopped taking two pills a day as if the fog inside her mind cleared out and, she felt everything more profoundly, more softly, just _more_ …

She didn't notice she put a finger into her mouth until he didn't make her come causing her to bite down on it. As the pleasure from her first orgasm washed over her, she felt Five take her hand.

Her eyes cracked open a bit as she watched him bring her index finger which had small bite marks on it to his own lips and sucked out the little drop of blood. His mouth so hot inside, and she wondered if now he would forever know how she tasted like. She hoped she tasted good.

'Next time I want to hear you when I fuck you with my mouth, alright?'

She nodded, but in that moment she would have agreed to anything he asked of her.

He leaned down and kissed her while she reached for him, 'I want you inside. Please, _please_.'

It felt bigger in her hand than it looked. It was also hot in a way which made her ache for him to just put it in to see how he would feel inside.

He kissed her to silence her before he grabbed her hips and pulled her closer.

She let him push her hand away before he got inside.

She jerked and let out a little sob as the sudden pain ran through her, but he held her too tightly not letting her get away.

He kissed cheek, 'I-I'm sorry.'

She heard how hard it was for him to speak for a moment, 'It...will pass.'

'Okay,' she mumbled trying to hold back another sob from how uncomfortable it felt. She was right. He was bigger than he looked at first.

He didn't move, and she knew he wouldn't until she told him to. For a moment she wondered if she shouldn't ask him to pull out that it hurt too much, but then looked over at him. His pupils were dialled with lust sure, but she could see also something else there. Something she hadn't considered until she heard him say it today.

She bit her lower lip taking her mind of the unpleasant feeling before she asked while she loosened her fingers from his shoulders. She knew she dug them too hard, enough to leave marks, 'Can you say it again?'

He blinked down at her, 'Say what again?'

She let her fingers touch his lips slowly moving over them, 'Please.'

He opened his mouth and licked her fingers with his tongue before he said, 'I love you.'

'Again,' she said as she lowered her fingers to his bottom lip, 'please.'

'I love you,' he said looking at her so intensely.

'Again,' she said, and he lowered himself down to kiss her neck on the spot which made her go while making the pain fade little bit little.

'I love you,' he bit her there and she jerked her hips again which caused him to groan. Well, that didn't feel so bad.

'Again,' she stroked his hair a bit.

'I love you,' he said while biting her chin for a second before once again she felt his clever fingers against her clit.

She jerked her hips again telling him that he could move, and he did, starting as slowly as possible while still rubbing circles into her. It didn't take long at all before it started to feel good.

Really good. It was like nothing she ever experienced before and Vanya honestly wasn't sure if she wouldn't die in the next moment from all the sensation and intensity.

'Five,' she said. She could barely talk with the delicious feeling building up inside her as they moved against each other, but she tried, 'Again, _please_...say it again.'

She felt she was close. She felt like soon something would break inside her from all that sensation and she would die. It felt like it was too much and so close, but still not there yet.

Not yet.

His thrusts got messy, losing the rhythm, but at the same time it got even better if that was even possible. It felt better...somehow _more_.

' _I love you.'_

It was the last thing she heard before a wave of nothing but pure bliss washed over him mind swallowing her whole. Somewhere in the back of her mind she heard him cry out or maybe it was her, maybe both of them, but she didn't car as she arched her back from the bed and throwing her head against the pillow letting all of it wash through her and devour her alive.

If she died right now, she wouldn't mind it all that much.

Somewhere even further where her blood wasn't rushing through her ears, and she wasn't ridding out on the feeling of pure euphoria, she heard a glass break.

It took her a moment to realize that Five was panting on top of her against her neck while trying to say something or that he was not longer inside of her. It took an even looking moment for her to start functioning again and learn how to speak herself.

She let her fingers stroke his hair lovingly before she smiled as she leaned to the side and kissed his temple, 'I love you too.'

* * *

Five was gone when she woke up, but she found her food from yesterday in the fridge, and that he made breakfast. A pancake with a smiley face on it just like Grace used to when they were little. It caused her to smile and also wonder how was mom, she hadn't thought about her for a while now. It also surprised her because Five never really liked the smiley faces always just straight out eating them without paying much attention to them. She wondered what it meant.

As she got up she noticed there was a large carton paper against one of her windows with a small note on it.

_I cleaned up the glass and called Mr. Wheeler about the broken window. He will have it in two days._

It left Vanya a bit confused and wondering if maybe there was a storm yesterday. She didn't notice but then again she was a bit too occupied anyway. She lost interested in it and went to do something more fun.

She walked over to her calendar after she finished and marked the month Jun. Four months. She already felt like she could barely wait.

Afterward she pulled out her notebook and wondered for the longest time what to write. She thought about all Five told her. Since it was clear he knew when to visit maybe even had her notebook, but he was surprised Tom broke up with her, and the turn of events, it was obvious she couldn't write down _I had sex with Five._

All in all she decided to go for simple.

_March 8_ _th_ _2012: Five came to apologize for being such an asshole._

She felt more than satisfied with her choice of words before she giggled like a little girl feeling happier and more satisfied than she ever did before.

_I love you_

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N: Do you want a clue? I feel like I should give you guys a clue :) Something was missing in this chapter. There I said it, and I am not sure if I will be happy or sad if you will figure it out before the next chapter, but there you have it :) This chapter took almost no time to write because I got so excited for it. Thank you for the constant support you show this story, and I hope you like it so far. If you want leave some feedback.


	8. July 20th 2012

**July 20** **th** **2012**

She was just coming home. She would be usually stressed out that she was this late, but lately she felt very contained and sort of happy about everything, nothing seemed to get to her, and she felt like she was always in a good mood. Honestly, it was a very alien feeling at first not to be so stressed and overthinking everything, but she was getting used to it and actually enjoying it.

'Shit, you should have said you needed help with groceries,' she heard Diego say as she finally appeared on last stair case to her floor.

He and Luther jogged toward her and both of them grabbed the two grocery bags from each of her hands.

She felt like rolling her eyes at them, but instead she smiled fondly despite saying, 'Thank you, but I'm pregnant, not immobile.'

They walked her to the door where Klaus was already standing smiling at her, 'You're getting bigger, lil' sis.'

Now she did roll her eyes before she shoed him away so she could unlock the door. Despite his comment, she felt glad that he showed up here, even more that he didn't look too high or wasted. She didn't hold fake hope that he was sober, but at least for now it was enough.

They all had to maneuver a bit to get through the living room full of boxes.

As her brothers started to get into the boxes and building a cradle, she washed her hands and went to make dinner. It was still a bit surreal to hear their voices arguing and talking in her living room like old times.

She looked down at her belly. She was four moths along and honestly it still only looked like she gained a few extra pounds. Her boss at the Icarus actually asked her three times if she was seriously pregnant as if that was something people often lied about.

Based on how much of a pedant she was when it came to her own pills, she was very shocked that she was such a slacker when it came to the after pill. She only bought it because she thought she could have a relationship with Thomas, but when that went downhill, she didn't see a point in keeping track of taking one every day. Oh the irony.

She was half way through cooking and the cradle didn't even look half way started, when Diego came to her and mouthed, 'I'm gonna kill him.'

She bit down a chuckle before he walked back to the scene of wonders where Luther was holding two pieces of the cradle and Klaus was on her fire escape smoking. Nice of him, not to do it in the apartment.

After the initial shock washed over her once she found out, she went to write down everything she should consider and need. Informing her family was not on the list.

It happened as she was inside of baby shop. She wasn't buying yet, but she was on her way from work and she had this sudden urge to just walk around a bit feeling oddly touched how everything looked soft and _tiny_. She wasn't expecting to meet Diego and his new girlfriend there and it was obviously a surprise the both of them as they watched each other like fishes out of water.

By that time she hadn't seen him for almost five years so to see him outside of the house at all was well strange for the both of them. If you lived outside the mansion for a longer time, it was easy to think all of it was just a nightmare and real. Especially after she got to move on with her life and get to a good place like she was now.

Luckily his girlfriend took the initiative and the small talk explaining that they were there to buy a gift for her sister who was expecting. When she asked how far along she was, Vanya assumed she must have known if her sister was pregnant and spilled the beans. She felt Diego's gaze on her the whole time as they small talked about baby things before she had a phone call and stepped aside leaving them both alone in the shop looking wary at each other.

'So who's the father?' asked Diego slowly looking as uncomfortable as she felt when he asked.

'It's…complicated,' she told him honestly before she returned to look at the baby shoes.

'He's not around then?'

'Not really,' she admitted feeling like there was a bit harsh thing to say. It wasn't like Five could be around or like he even knew she was pregnant.

They parted and she was a bit glad because the whole situation just felt awkward until he showed up the next day at her front door with a bag.

She honestly didn't have much time for breakfast, but she felt the same stupid need to please everyone around her just like when she was younger, so she nodded and ate breakfast with him and talked for what felt like the first time ever. She knew it was because of some guilt trip he was going through now that he had a girlfriend, was out of the house and was getting his life on track, but she selfishly decided to accept it.

She met Klaus as she got her midnight cravings one night for vanilla ice cream and had to go to the nearest 24/7 grocery store to get it when she met her brother there with his arms full of chocolate pudding, four raisers, and a duck tape.

'Dear sister of mine, would it be bold to assume you have been blessed,' he said and she was so thrown off by his choice of…items to buy that it took her a moment to realize what he actually asked.

'How did you know?'

'Ben…he once read that women who are expecting walk differently,' he said and looked somewhere to the side frowning like he was upset all of the sudden.

She didn't ask him about his shopping choices even though they sat outside her apartment on the stairs for an hour her eating her ice cream and him the chocolate pudding.

'I wanted to shave my butt with it,' he said after an hour, and she started to laugh so hard, she felt like she couldn't breathe. She felt like she hadn't laugh like that in ages honestly.

With Luther she assumed it was Diego who decided to use his new information about her in some way to prove to their Number One that he was better in something than him even if it meant being a better brother. He called her and asked her if they could meet up. She felt a bit weird as they said and he kept on instinct that he would help her with whatever she needed. If someone was listening, it would have sounded like they were a broken up couple, but he wanted to be in involved because of the baby. Still she appreciated it.

Allison was the last to call her/find out. Vanya had no doubt Luther called her the second he got home from their _hanging out_. She didn't ask immediately she just coyly asked how she was doing and what was new to which Vanya didn't see a reason to hide it.

Ever since then her siblings paid more attention to her than at times she thought she could handle, but enjoyed it too much to say anything. It wasn't the worst.

'Hey, can I just say something?' asked Klaus as finally she had a standing cradle in her living room.

'Did you know Klaus is the people's victory, isn't that neat?' he asked, and she honestly didn't know where he was going with this, even if she should have totally see it coming when Diego groaned, 'Ah hell no, she's not naming it after you.'

'Wait, that is an option? To name it after someone?' asked Luther clearly in to the new possibility and Vanya raised her brows, 'I haven't even thought of a name.'

'Well, there is so much time for that, but you should know that there had been plenty of famous Klaus people-'

'Shut up, she's not naming the kid after you,' argued Diego.

'Why not? People name kids after their close relatives all the time,' said Klaus defending himself, 'Yeah, but can you imagine her naming it, Reginald?'

They all visibly shivered at the thought before Vanya said, 'Well, in that case maybe Benjamin wouldn't be the worst idea.'

They all stop arguing after that and looked at her as she shrugged her shoulders, 'Or maybe something Slavic? I don't know maybe it's a girl anyway.'

She almost missed the look Klaus shot at her sofa, a little bit annoyed, and mumbled something she didn't quite catch before a sort of lazy smile pulled at his lips and he rolled his eyes, 'Yeah, it wouldn't be the _worst_ idea. We could call him Benny not to get it mixed up.'

They hummed in agreement or agreed before the conversation shifted a bit.

One by one they left Klaus surprising her a bit with a bear hug, 'You're _so_ tiny.'

It was nice but it made it a bit awkward when the others were saying their goodbyes not sure if they should hug her as well. She honestly didn't know either so she just offered them a smile and wave.

She stepped to the cradle and very carefully let her fingers run through it. In just five more months there will be a little baby inside it. She still had a hard time picturing herself with one. She went to pick up another book and started to read. She read a lot of books now trying to get ahead of things since she didn't know jack about babies and how to take care of them.

When she heard the familiar sound and saw the light flash in her bedroom, she stood up startled throwing the book to the side.

She swallowed a bit. She had been preparing for this moment since she threw away her three positive pregnancy tests, but she wasn't expecting it right now.

She rushed to the door just as he opened it crashing a bit into him, 'H-hi.'

He blinked at her a bit confused as she blocked his view. Theoretically she could have just stepped aside and let him see for himself that she had a cradle in her living room, but somehow seeing him there looking down at her with so much…love, adoration and care she just couldn't move.

'Hi,' he said and leaned down kissing her stealing her breath away just like before. It was like the world stopped when he did that brushing his lips against hers making her body come alive in a way she didn't know was possible as she was always so numbed down by the pills. She let him in and he deepened the kiss, his tongue moving against hers and literally making her lose herself in the feeling. She missed him _so_ much all the time.

When he finally broke the kiss she felt a bit dizzy like the room was spinning, but he was hugging her around the waists keeping her close.

She had to blink and took a moment to focus her thoughts in order to function again after such a kiss. It wasn't until she looked back up at him that she saw the direction of his vision and froze a bit. He was looking at the cradle.

She waited next to him for some reaction, but he was looking very calm. Maybe he was in shock?

She cleared her throat before she spoke, 'I'm pregnant.'

Well, she had a cradle in her living room so it was fair to say he deduced it on his own. Still, she felt like she needed to actually say it out loud for it to finally be true.

He blinked like he just came back to himself before he smiled and looked down at her. His expression was the softest she ever saw, 'I know.'

'Oh,' she said. Now she was the shocked one.

He chuckled at her dumbfounded expression before he leaned down and kissed her tenderly, 'So who build it? Would it pass the inspection?'

He took her hand as he walked to the living room. She told him about how their family helped and how they started to spent a little more time together. She asked if he was hungry, but he refused and kissed her again instead.

She waited for so long. Four months were nothing compare to the five years, but it was four months after she got a taste of what his lips, and the feeling of his hands on her, his mouth on her and him inside her. It was very hard four months. Honestly she used to think she would just straight out jump him the moment he would walk through the door, but now she wanted a minute. She needed a minute.

She had her hands on his chest pushing him a bit away so she could look at him before she said, 'This is the reason? That if you didn't come the way you are coming I wouldn't get pregnant?'

His eyes were pained for a moment before he gently stroked her cheek, 'It's one of the reasons, _yes_.'

'What we have more kids?' she asked trying to lighten the matter, but with no luck, 'I can't tell you that. I…it's complicated.'

'Why?'

Five pressed his forehead against hers, 'Because if you knew what was coming you would try to change it and that could lead to changing things for the worst.'

'Why?'

He leaned away probably finally realizing he wouldn't just get her off the subject so easily.

She could tell he was struggling between telling her and not telling a thing before he nodded and took her hand leading her to the bedroom where he sat her down.

'In the future when I first jumped to 2019 there was nothing, absolutely nothing, something happened. Something terrible,' he explained although he didn't really say anything.

Vanya blinked confused and he guided her to the couch. He was quiet for a while, a long while and Vanya could tell it would take a while for him to actually start talking.

'It took me years to jump back, Vanya. Years, to even come close to the possibility of undoing what was done in 2019, and when I did I realized it already had. You fixed it well…me and you and our batshit crazy family we fixed it,' he sighed and looked at her his hand safely on the side of her neck, 'For the future you, this past. The future you she's living in the present, her present. And the present is good, better than good it's great, and if I change even a tiny little thing in this past, in this version of you present, I will change your future. I saw what it was before, Vanya. So believe me when I say it was _bad_.'

She watched the sadness and urgency in his eyes. It broke her heart a bit more how he was trying to get her to understand without giving it all away, how he was desperate to make her understand him and his situations, 'No kids?'

'No kids,' he confirmed, 'No us, no you, no me, no Umbrella Academy, no world,' he said and it caused her to shiver from what he was saying. _No world_.

'I love you,' he said and kissed her cheek tenderly, 'I love you so much. And I know, I know I'm hurting you when I don't tell you things, when I leave, when I…just come back only to leave again, but…'

His free hand touched her stomach with care, 'I can't risk the good future you have now. We have now. I just can't even if it kills me every single time I come and see how hurt you are that I leave. I can't.'

Vanya pressed her hand over his on her stomach trying her hardest not to cry the emotions released by the moment getting to her, 'You really couldn't save Ben, or Klaus from being a junky or anyone, could you?'

He closed his eyes looking so torn like he wanted to tell her something. She knew she could feel it. She could feel it wrecking him apart.

He took a deep breath before he spoke, 'One of the first things future you told me when I was about to come visit you for the first time was that everyone wants happiness and no one wants pain, but that you also can't enjoy a rainbow without some rain.'

She chuckled humorless, 'What the hell is future me going for some Obi-wan master?'

He chuckled and kissed her, 'You haven't seen the movies, did you?'

'No,' she confessed and looked at him feeling love and care and sadness, 'Will you at least get to watch it grow up?'

He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against hers, 'I will be here as much as I can, but I can guarantee that it will grow up to be one hell of a happy and great kid with so many people loving it, it's maybe a bit annoying for her.'

'Her?' Vanya asked immediately feeling a bubbly feeling inside her stomach.

_A girl_

Five leaned away, 'Shit, sorry. I guess they would've told you on your next appointment.'

'Sorry,' he said and stroke her cheek with his thumb.

She couldn't help a smile, 'A girl.'

She was going to have a girl. They were going to have a girl. She never felt more profoundly of what was happening inside her. She was carrying a baby girl inside.

He kissed her, but it was a bit uneven because she was smiling the whole time.

He sighed and smiled as well which ended the kiss, but neither looked too disappointed by it.

'So the others stick around too?' asked Vanya needing to at least clarified that.

Five groaned and rolled his eyes, 'Gosh, _yes_ , Jesus, they're so _annoying_. It's like they have no boundaries constantly in our business and I just-'

She couldn't help but laughed at his outburst feeling that the situation was easing a bit up. When she got pregnant she didn't think her family would be much evolved. She sort of was getting familiar with the idea of being a single mother all on her own. Now it was very nice, and it made her happy to have everyone fuss around her a bit. The fact that they would stick around even afterwards was a great relief.

'Okay, okay,' she put her hands against his chest to stop him giggling, 'I'm glad I'm not alone.'

'I'm sorry,' he said softly, 'I wish there was another way, I would have done anything. You have to know that.'

She kissed him and nodded, 'It's…what it is. As long as it worth it.'

She touched her stomach again, 'This is worth it.'

They watched each other for a moment, just enjoying themselves for a moment before she kissed him again moving closer to him and very slowly letting her hands under his shirt. He followed her lead all the way letting her take what she wanted and what she craved since he left four months ago. He awoken a hunger inside her that night she didn't know before. A hunger which could only be satisfied with him, his hands, his lips, all of him.

'What about a name?' she asked breathlessly right after he made her come the second time, and she returned from her high.

'Later,' he mumbled before he kissed her again letting her forget everything but his lips.

* * *

'When will you be back?' she mumbled not sure if she was awake or asleep as she felt him leave the bed.

When he kissed her cheek, she knew it wasn't a dream, 'Five months.'

'I will be so big by then,' she mumbled still exhausted from their night.

He kissed her again, 'You will be beautiful like always.'

She didn't remember what she said to him next, but when she woke up he was gone the only evidence that he was there was that the crib was in the nursery room now. He did know why he wanted her to have that second room after all.

She pulled out her notebook and wrote down the newest note while taking one of her pills.

 _July 20_ _th_ _2012: Five came and helped me move the crib._

She spent the rest of the day looking over baby names for girls and picturing little girls with brown hair and green eyes or black hair and brown eyes. She couldn't decide all versions looked too cute in her mind.

Once again Vanya felt happy and loved.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N: Hey, I'm pretty sure this didn't come as a shock as most of you guessed it last chapter, also the Time traveller's Wife trope. Anyway, I hope you like it. I think I will have a bit of a break from maybe a week or so from posting all stories because I'm in a weird place again and don't really feel like writing or posting etc. But I will be back in a while. I'm not planning to leave any story unfinished it will just take me a while. Thank you for the support and for being so great all the time. It's more than I deserve really. As always if you want leave a feedback if not it's okay. :)
> 
> Have a nice day


	9. December 8th 2012

**December 8th 2012**

Vanya wiped away the disgusting jelly from her large stomach and abdomen hopefully for the last time.

'So you're saying everything is okay?' she asked her OB as the elderly woman returned to her file, 'Of course. Although it isn't pretty common for first-timers to overdue the pregnancy. It just means the baby very is happy inside. If you don't get into labor in three days come visit me again and we will discuss other options. But for now, you should be fine.'

Her words didn't ease Vanya's worries or annoyance, but she nodded and walked out of the room to meet up with Allison who was sitting for her in the waiting room.

'So?'

'It's all normal,' sighed Vanya feeling her frustration getting the best of her. She was just so agitated lately. Her baby girl was overdue ten days into the world and she was pretty much losing it from the anticipation and fear which was digging its way into her thoughts.

'She will be here soon enough,' said her sister as she put the magazine down and helped her into her coat.

Vanya barely managed to button it even if she had it especially bought to fit her large stomach. Most of her clothes were too small for her even the maternity ones.

They walked outside and Allison grimaced, 'This weather is bizarre. It should be snowing not whatever this was,' she pointed with displeasure at the rain and wind which was scattering it all around them.

They hurried into Allison's car and drove to Vanya's place. With the adding months her siblings interest in her pregnancy did not die, in fact if it was possible it became even more intense almost to the point of breaking a few boundaries like when she woke up to find Diego putting baby safeties on all her kitchen drawers in the middle of the night (how did he manage to get it was beyond her).

'What are you doing?' she whispered because she wasn't sure she wasn't dreaming when she saw his brother in her kitchen.

He straightened himself in front of her trying to look all confident, but given he wouldn't meet her eyes he was failing, 'Eudora's sister gotten those, so I thought I will get you ones too. An early start.'

She was honestly still too asleep to argue with him, so she just told him to lock on his way out.

Then the time Klaus started to accompany her to her pregnancy classes (by the end of the course she was pretty sure he made their teacher his personal yoga instructor).

'I'm pretty sure you made her your bitch,' she said as he was helping her gather her things.

'Well, I'm sure she has a few tricks up her sleeve,' he told Vanya and winked to the direction of her teacher.

'She's 58.'

'Oh, you wouldn't believe the sex-drive people have in that age,' said Klaus knowingly, and Vanya honestly needed to find a new teacher after that.

And then there was the time Allison and Luther burying the whole nursery with toys and equipment.

'I don't have room for that,' she said desperately as Luther pushed another gigantic teddy bear through the small door to the nursery.

'It looked smaller at the shop,' he said instead of an apology.

'I think your apartment is just too small,' said Allison and Vanya rolled her eyes.

Five was right, their siblings definitely lack the understanding of boundaries at times, but it still made Vanya happy that they cared so much. The attention even if sometimes it was a bit nerve-wracking, and it made her feel like she was thirteen again when Diego and Luther went at it again, wasn't unwelcome.

Allison came three days ago as she decided, she wanted to help Vanya a bit when the baby would come. Even if there was a small part of her which made Vanya feel a bit self-aware as if her sister was implying she couldn't handle taking care of her baby on her own, she was also a bit relieved she showed up. Still, she couldn't help, but wonder if this wouldn't complicate things as Five said he would show up in five months when he was last here so it was possible he would come any day now. She had the smallest of hope that maybe he would show up on the day of the birth, but she was trying not to get her hopes up. It wouldn't do her much good adding to all she was going through. Her body changed rapidly during her pregnancy, not by size but also how she started to look at it and approach it. She never saw herself as very pretty, not when her sister was a poster child for the Umbrella Academy and then a movie start. But after she got pregnant she had to admit she started to like herself more. Her hair and eyes and in general the way she looked. Five said she was beautiful and with every day that she measured her growing belly delighted that her baby was growing inside her, she actually felt that she was.

The only thing she sometimes had a hard time to look at was the tiny almost invisible white scars on the side of her thigh as a reminder of the first aid kit box she used to have.

On the ride to her place, Allison told all about her new boyfriend, Patrick, who apparently was more or less the love of her life if she could believe her. It was strange to hear Allison be so in love with the man talking like a teenager again because that was how Vanya remembered her and because it didn't suit her to act like that at all now that she was a grown woman. But at the same time, she hoped her sister found someone who she could be finally happy with without rumors. She hoped this Patrick was just as into her as Allison was into him, but then again Vanya couldn't picture anyone who wouldn't be. Still, it was strange. Vanya knew how Allison felt about Luther. She could still see it sometimes as the two looked at each other when the other wasn't looking with a certain longing. She knew there was still something there, but Allison never did tell her what happened which caused them to let go of one another. Maybe it was Luther not being able to leave dad, and Allison not being able to stay, or maybe it went beyond that. Still, Vanya wished happiness for all of her siblings so if Allison could find hers with Patrick, she was all for it.

Once home Vanya's landline rang, and it took her about a minute longer to pick up, 'Hello.'

'How about now?'

She chuckled before she rolled her eyes, 'No, Klaus, still not in labor, I told you I would find a way to call you.'

'Just checking,' he sang into the phone, 'What did the creepy OB say?'

'Although it isn't pretty common for first-timers to overdue the pregnancy. It just means the baby very is happy inside,' she parroted the woman's words.

'And don't call her creepy. She's nice,' said Vanya.

'She looks like the woman from that Sweeney Todd movie. The lady who made him kill his wife, you know which one. We watched it in the summer. And B-and Ben wouldn't like her either. She would give even him the chills.'

For a moment Vanya paused. It was so rare for Klaus to talk about Ben, but when he did she couldn't help but smile. It was so long since he passed, and she still missed him dearly, but she liked to think about the good times more of than about the sad things.

'She's like a vampire or something,' said Klaus and she heard him let out a hiss like he was Nosferatu.

She sighed before she nodded, 'Alright. I need to pee again so-'

'Call me when you go into labor-'

'-I will call you when I go into labor.'

'Good, I love ya lil' sis,' he said and she smiled a bit as she said, 'I love you too.'

She then hung up.

'What's up with him?' asked Allison as Vanya hurried to the bathroom. She felt like a Chihuahua with how little her bladder could hold before it demanded her to use the bathroom.

'He's worried I will go into labor and no one will tell him. Although Luther said he just wants to go to the hospital to try and steal some drugs,' she called.

After she was done came the humiliating part of asking Allison to help her get up because she couldn't.

The other woman smiled at her kindly before she pulled her up and even pulled her pants and underwear up.

'I wouldn't be surprised.'

Vanya shrugged her shoulders as she went to wash her hands, 'I don't know. If he wanted to steal some meds, he could have just gone by himself. He's been very sweet lately.'

Allison crossed her arms over her chest, 'Do you think it will stay that way? That he won't fall into old habits again?'

Vanya sighed and wiped her hands into the towel, 'Don't know, but it's different now. He seems calmer like he's in a better place. I know he still gets drunk, and I'm pretty sure he had something when he asked my neighbor if he could sniff her cat-'

'What?' asked Allison shocked, and Vanya shook her head, 'I don't know he claimed it had something to do with pheromones anyway. I think he's better…well –ish.'

They walked out of the bathroom and went to sit on Vanya's couch, 'You think it's because of the baby?'

'Maybe,' she touched her stomach. It was a while since she felt kicking. The baby was too big now and had little space left inside her to move properly.

'Yesterday, he tried to sell me on that Klaus is a girl name.'

Allison snored, 'Gosh, he does not give up.'

Vanya nodded, 'The worst or the best part is, by the time he finally stopped talking I felt so confused that I wasn't sure if it wasn't.'

'He should go to sales. He could be able to sell sand to some Arabic Sheikh with his tongue skills.'

Vanya chuckled and looked at her sister who then smirked, 'Yeah, I meant talking but with that too.'

Both of them grinned at each other before they fell into a comfortable silence, 'But apart from the very attractive choice of Klaus as the name for your baby girl, and my first niece, have you finally made a decision?'

True be told, Vanya had spent as little time thinking about names as possible. There were some which caught her interested, but she felt…gosh, she felt like she wanted to wait until Five came back to decide. She knew she couldn't always wait with the important decision for him, but she felt as if he had to tell her the name or else she would pick the wrong one and change their future.

'I don't know. I will know the moment I will see her,' said Vanya nonchalant trying to hide her true reason.

Allison watched her for a moment and Vanya was sure she would call on her bluff before she sighed, 'I would never take this long, sis. Picking up the name would be first on my list of things to do. In fact, I already have a few options.'

Vanya grimaced before she sobered realizing something, 'So you have been thinking about it?'

She watched as Allison shrugged her shoulders but she knew her well enough to see through the disinterested mask, 'I really like Patrick, and I can see a future with him. I wouldn't mind a family with him one day as well. I mean right now I'm focused on my career but later who knows?'

_Five knows_.

But Vanya kept that to herself still feeling strange about seeing her so into someone who wasn't Luther or Allison herself.

'What about the names?'

Allison grinned at her, 'Well, a part of me wouldn't mind, Allie.'

Vanya couldn't help scorn.

'Yeah, fine, or Gracie or…I kind of like Claire,' she said her face softening a little bit.

'Claire?' asked Vanya and Allison nodded, 'Once when dad wanted us to visit the local hospital for some publicity, there was this little girl. She was four, and she had the most gorgeous smiles. She had stage two of cancer, but she always smiled,' explained Allison smiling fondly at the memory.

Vanya took her hand, 'I think it's a good name, and don't worry I won't steal it.'

'Okay, but come on. You can't just name the kid, baby. I mean even the Baby from Dirty Dancing wasn't really Baby.'

Vanya laughed a bit, 'Okay, I promise. I will think about a name.'

'What about her dad's name? Anything which can be used for a girl?' asked Allison and Vanya sighed before she gave her a look and her sister backed up. It was clear from the time her siblings found out, that she would not reveal the name of the father no matter what. She promised Five she wouldn't and as much as the look of pity Luther sometimes shot her and the upset look Diego had whenever someone mentioned the father, she held onto it.

She took some comfort in knowing even if he couldn't stay now he would come whenever he could and would stay as long with them as he could. It was enough, it would have to be.

'Hey, did you pee yourself?' asked Allison suddenly causing her head to shot up.

She looked down at her pants and then back at her sister, 'Oh shit. Call Klaus.'

* * *

'Why don't you have a wheelchair?' was the first thing Luther asked her as she and Allison walked into the hospital.

'Uh, because I have legs?' asked Vanya stating the obvious as all her siblings hoarded over her like she a miracle in making.

'How do you feel? Do you need some water?' asked Diego.

'The hell would water help her?' asked him Klaus and Diego glared at him. 'Why don't you offer her a croissant?'

Vanya honestly just wanted to go to the front desk and talk with the nurse there, but given how manic her siblings were it was proving to be a bit impossible.

Finally Allison the only voice of reason managed to pull her out of the group and toward the nurse explaining the situation just she started to feel a small dull pain in her back and abandon.

_Well that wasn't so bad_.

* * *

Once in the delivery room, Allison took her hand, but Vanya wished she wouldn't as she felt she would most likely crush it with every new wave of pain. She could hear the storm outside getting worst as well as the lights to flicker as with the hours which passed her contraction were growing more frequent and regular and with less time in between them.

'Is this common?' asked Allison nervously by her side noting the flickering lights above them.

'We have a backup generator, don't worry,' said the closest nurse.

Vanya closed her eyes squeezing Allison's hand as the new wave of pain passed through her. It still wasn't that bad, but she was starting to understand that it would only get worse, as the doctor informed them, it would take a couple of hours for the labor to actually start.

At one point she thought she heard someone shout outside before the door suddenly burst open and Five came in with his nose all bloody.

_He made it._

It was the first thought which crossed her mind, and she felt herself smiling like an idiot knowing he was really there.

'What the hell?' shrieked Allison as the nurse was about to kick him out. Vanya pulled higher on the bed. She wanted to tell them that she wanted him to stay when he said loud and clearly to the room, 'I'm the father.'

Vanya felt Allison jerk a bit as they were holding hands, but for once in her life, she didn't care about her siblings' well being above her own. She just wanted Five to be near her more than anything else.

The moment he caught her eyes, he must have recognized it because he came to her grabbed her by the back of her neck and kissed her smoothing every worry and pain she felt at that moment. He was here. He came to the birth of their daughter. He came, and it was enough for her to overcome it all somehow because he was with her.

Her free hand found his face and she stroked the skin under his nose which had a bit blood on it, 'What happened?'

'Well, apparently you made it sound like your baby father is a piece of shit, and Diego decided to for once to be a good brother and show me that I can't treat you like that,' he said sounding annoyed but his eyes showed a mix of worry and love as they were fixed at her.

He then looked up and offered a short nod to their sister, 'Allison.'

Vanya would have later found some amusement in how the woman looked at Five with her mouth opened for what felt like ages before she blinked and said, 'Number Five.'

She looked down at Vanya, who silently begged her not to get into it all right now before she pointed at the door, 'Can I just go for a moment? I will be back in a bit.'

Vanya nodded at her and watched as Allison almost tripped walking out of the door no doubt to their siblings to talk about what just happened.

'I take it the rest of our family had similar reactions to your comeback,' she said, and Five rolled his eyes.

'Yes, it went from _holy shit, Five you're alive_ to _oh my god, you're the father_ to Diego's fist colliding with my face. For the record _no one_ ever mentioned the part about me getting punched in the future,' he said before while taking her free hand in his. 'Some warning would have been nice.'

She giggled, 'I think we will vote unanimously that you deserved that one.'

He shot her a look, but his lips were pulled into a smile, 'How do you feel?'

'It doesn't hurt too much yet. Just a bit of pressure, but I'm worried. I'm so happy you're here,' she said, and he nodded before he brought her hand to his lips and kissed it making her warm and cared for even more than she already did.

'I knew I would be here with you since you showed me the notebook,' he confessed before he sighed, 'I just wished you told me something about it. I wish you could tell me something about it.'

'So it's payback,' she said frowning a bit, 'Future me keeps you in the dark, you keep the past me in the dark. It's a never-ending circle.'

'Oh it ends,' he told her before he leaned down and kissed her again, 'I promise it ends, and it ends well, that much I know, that much I can say.'

She smiled at him before she felt her body jerk as another wave of pain passed her.

It didn't start for another four hours. The nurses came and went and no matter how much her body was in pain making her twist and roll on the body from one left to right, they still offered only that baby was not ready yet. As the hours passed the storm outside was becoming worse, almost at synch with her contractions.

'Hey, hey, Vanya, it's fine. You're fine. Look at me,' said Five, and she looked him desperately trying to focus her mind on something else but the pain.

She tried to focus on the wild wind which was hitting the window behind the sound of the snow mixed with rain sharply hitting them making her flinch almost as much as the pain made her roll around the bed.

'Vanya. VANYA!' she heard Five's voice and her head snapped back to him.

'Did you take your pill today?' he asked brushing her forehead, the touch was welcoming. Her eyes, however, looked back at the window and the storm outside.

She had a feeling she told him something, but for the love of her, she wasn't sure what.

The lights flickered again, and this time the room stayed in the dark for almost four seconds.

'Vanya,' she heard Five but it was like his voice was far away and the sound of the storm behind the window was overcoming everything else before all she heard was the sharp wind and then the loudest sound ever which almost broke her eardrums.

It came around the same time she felt the strongest wave of pain hit her and the world go black for a moment.

* * *

At one point or the next, Vanya wasn't sure if she didn't actually die. Everything around her felt foggy and unclear like she was looking at it through a dirty window dried after the rain.

Her eyes gazed to the side, and she saw Five sitting on a chair next to her hospital bed his hands in his hair almost as if he was ready to pull it out. She couldn't see his face, but based on his posture, even in her state of mind, Vanya recognized he was upset. He was shaking and very much in distress.

She felt so tired and exhausted beyond imagination. It took everything inside her just to keep her eyes open. She knew they told her that the pain was necessary, but somehow no matter how strong the contractions got she felt like she was inside a vacuum which was protecting her from the full strength of the pain.

That couldn't be right, could it?

The room was a bit cold which was nice since she could feel how sweaty and sticky she was all over even if the only thing on her was her hospital gown. She wondered why before she spotted one of the windows was partly covered with some carton but some of the rain and snow were still coming through it as someone who looked like the cleaning lady was gathering the pieces of glass from the ground.

_Did the window break_?

She briefly thought back to the sound she heard in her ears. It was so loud. She felt like it would blow up her eardrums.

Her eyes moved back to Five, he looked so _shaken_ and _worried_. She knew he was like this because of her. She wanted to ease his soul, but she couldn't speak. She couldn't open her mouth and call out his name, no matter how much she wanted to.

She closed her eyes. Her body still ached even if the pain was now mostly numbed by exhaustion.

_Five_

She opened her eyes and looked at the man she loved, but couldn't speak to. She wished she could take his hands and pull them away from his face into her own, cover them and tell him all will be alright. That she could take it for their daughter.

She tried to reach her hand toward him, but her body wouldn't cooperate, and she only managed to barely move a finger.

She felt too tired.

All of a sudden Five raised his head looking to the side somewhere next to his left. Vanya was stunned as she caught how his eyes shined in the dim light the room was providing. He looked like he was ready to cry. Since they grew up together Vanya could count the times, she witnessed Five crying or close to crying. A distant memory from when they were kids, father calling him an idiot because of his theories, after Ben's death, and now.

Somehow, seeing him like this gave her enough strength to reach out and touch his hand. His body felt unbelievably cold compare to her own.

His eyes immediately snapped to hers as he felt the contact, and he stood up his hand brushing her face. It was nicely smoothing her feverish forehead.

'How do you feel? Can you hear me?' he asked his hand doing wonders for her with how cold it felt against her burning skin.

She managed to let out a soft whimper because everything else seemed too exhausting to say.

Five leaned down and kissed her cheek, 'Just a bit more. I promise. Just a little longer and all will be worth it.'

She sighed wishing she could tell him. She knew. She knew it was worth it. It was for their baby. Everything was worth it for it, and she didn't mind the pain more matter how agonizing it was if it meant it would be for her.

He kissed her forehead and it was then that Vanya felt as if something popped like a bubble only loud, and she felt the absolute worst pain of her life hit her in full speed and intensity almost breaking her in half.

* * *

After that it got worse, Vanya couldn't tell anything apart from the agony. She heard someone talking. Five, Allison, the doctor, the nurses, but she couldn't understand what they were saying.

She felt every single part of her body hurt while she tried to grip Five's hand as hard as she could.

She felt so tired she might as well died and just didn't know about it. She was almost sure she would die in the next moment and never see her baby as the pain was ripping her apart from the side.

' Vanya,' she heard Five, but she couldn't look at him. She had to keep her eyes closed hoping to somehow overcome the pain.

'Just a little bit. it's worth it.'

She knew that. She knew that! But it hurt. It hurt so much.

'One more push, Ms. Hargreeves,' she heard her doctor, but she couldn't stop shaking her head. She couldn't. She couldn't. No more. She just couldn't. She was too tired. So tired.

She heard Five snapped at Allison for some reason although she didn't hear what he actually said. However, in that moment, at the absolute bridge of exhaustion and losing her consciousness, Vanya thought she heard something over the fog of the pain. She knew she couldn't be sure because she only heard it a handful of times during the ultrasounds, but even so, she recognized it.

_Her baby's heartbeat._

She could hear it as loud and as clear as if it was already in her arms. It was beating a bit faster, but beautiful like the first time Vanya went to Lindsey Stirling's perform life. It was the most beautiful sound.

Vanya gripped Five's hand as hard as she could and took a deep breath ignoring the pain as much as possible while focusing on her child's heartbeat and Five's hand before with every bit of strength she had left she pushed.

* * *

The next time Vanya woke up, it was morning and the storm had passed. It was lightly snowing behind the large window.

They were in a different room, her original hospital room, and Five was standing by the window with his back to her. She looked to the side and saw Allison and Klaus somehow fitting together on a semi-sofa opposite from her bed while Diego and Luther were lying on the ground. All asleep.

Her throat hurt, and she had a feeling she must have been screaming a lot during the labor even if she couldn't properly remember it now.

'F-five,' she said, her voice very hoarse.

He turned around, and tears rushed into Vanya's eyes as she saw the baby in his arms.

He quickly walked toward her carefully giving it into her arms, 'She's okay. She cried, and the doctor checked her up. She's perfect, Vanya.'

Five said and once her baby was in her arms, he leaned and kissed her forehead.

'You were fantastic. You did so well. I love you so much,' he mumbled against her forehead, and she nodded but her eyes stayed on her baby girl who was sleeping inside the blanket, in Vanya's arms.

She felt tears falling down her cheeks. She was so small, and beautiful. She was just... _perfect_. And it was in that moment that Vanya understood she never in her life did or would love anyone in such intense and unshattering way as she loved her daughter.

'You did it. You did so well, Vanya. She's amazing.'

Vanya nodded again stroking the little girl's cheek. It was so soft.

Three days later once Five left Vanya wrote: _December 8th 2012: Five came to the hospital._

But in that moment while he was still there with her and as her siblings slowly started to wake up, and while looking at her beautiful little daughter Vanya knew exactly what to name her.

' _Elena.'_

She finally looked at Five and given the look of absolute adoration, devotion and love on his face, it was obvious she picked the right name.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N: Thank you for reading. Sorry it took so long, but it took me a while to focus my thoughts. Anyway, thank you for reading and support for this and many others of my stories. :) It means a lot, and I am grateful. I hope you will continue to read it until the very last chapter. If you want you can leave some feedback.


	10. August the 18th 2013

**August 18** **th** **2013**

It was close to 2 A.M which was usually the time Elena woke up for a night snack. By the third month, Vanya managed to wake up on her own without the baby having to cry for her and wake the whole apartment. By now things had settled down around the apartment. The first month it was almost a mental institution with all her siblings using it as a boarding house never leaving her and Elena alone. It was nice that they cared at least that was what Vanya told herself when Allison rumored Diego to go sleep to the fire escape because he pissed Luther off so bad the other brother locked himself in her bathroom and refused to leave. _It was nice that they cared._ But it was five people and a baby for an apartment which was meant for only three max, and it showed.

After the first month Allison had to return to L.A which made it a bit easier to breath, Eudora started to _drag_ Diego out more often, Luther had to go back to the mansion to carry on missions, and Klaus apparently liked to date as he loved to sit next to her and show her his new _casual boyfriends._

She loved her family. She was happy she had her family and they were closer now than ever, but _god_ was she grateful that they finally started to go their own stuff because she _needed_ them to back off every once in a while. She would like to think all families were like that. By the words of some of her mom friends from the park they were.

As she went from one room to another she saw that Diego decided to crash again. He claimed it was because her apartment was closeby his last stop, but Vanya knew it was whenever he had a pretty shitty case or dealt with some bad guy who was vicious than others, he felt the need to know they were safe just like he liked to stalk Klaus every time he dealt with a tinder date gone wrong or dead junky found in the alley.

Vanya came into the room only to find Five sitting inside her armchair Luther moved over after she came from the hospital.

'Hi,' she whispered as she watched him feed the bottle to Elena who was drinking enthusiastically. Five must-have found the breast milk she had in the freezer and warmed it up.

'Hey,' he whispered back and she went over to sit on the arm of the armchair before she leaned down and kissed the side of his head.

'She's so big,' he told her looking at their daughter. It was true. She was eight months now and mastered the ability to sit up, stay longer awake, babble a conversation and eat solid food. She was an actual person now. Even if she occasionally tripod over, she liked sitting always trying to reach for something which was in front of her interested in everything around her. She reminded Vanya of Five more and more every day. Elena was an explorer. She liked to investigate new toys and see all they could do just as she liked to go over open drawers and bags.

'She's a growing girl,' said Vanya lightly stroking Elena's cheek.

'Diego's on the couch,' noted Five almost grumpily and Vanya had to push back a chuckle, 'Oh, jealous?'

'Is he planning to sucker punch me again?' asked Five even in his hushed tone he sounded irritated.

'It's not like you didn't deserve it,' she said, and he turned toward her ready to argue, but she cut him off with a kiss. It was a short one as Elena finished her bottle and Vanya leaned away to kiss her cheek and take her from him, 'No one knows how to put her to sleep, but me.'

'Yeah, that sticks,' confirmed Five and Vanya smiled feeling oddly happy that her daughter would still stay her baby.

She started to slowly rock her as she walked around the room with her. At first, it was like all she ever did was sleep woke up eat and sleep again, and then she couldn't fall asleep at all. It took a while for Vanya to find the right pattern of her moves to get her there.

Five watched her, his eyes bright and a small smile on his face, 'You look good.'

She grinned, 'Thanks, but I barely have time to shower through the day even with everyone constantly helping.'

He stood up and walked closer to her, 'You still look good. It suits you...motherhood I mean.'

She chuckled even if she was still skeptical, 'Okay, thank you.'

After a couple of minutes, Elena dosed off her eyes closing on Five who she watched with unmasked interest.

Vanya smiled and looked up at Five only to find him looking back at Elena probably memorizing her face and every single of her breaths into his mind palace, 'She can sleep in bed with us tonight.'

Five looked up at before he put his hand to the back of her head and leaned down to kiss her forehead lovingly. He needed that. She understood it. Sometimes she just liked to pull her close and hold her, her skin soft and warm against her own, or she would smile at her and the day was better. Maybe all babies had that effect on people.

'Thank you.'

Even if later it would have been harder to get her to unlearn, and to sleep in her own cradle, for tonight Vanya wanted both of them close if only to let Five have more time with her as a baby.

She carried her into the bedroom, and Five followed both of them had to be careful not to step on any of the toys Klaus threw around. Elena might have been the baby, but her uncles were the ones who kept on making the mess in Vanya's apartment. Every time she cleaned up when she had a bit time, they would pull toys from the basket and scatter them around the apartment like little kids competing for one with another with which toy they would draw Elena's attention the most.

Vanya put her baby between them as they laid down, the girl not stirring once just continuing to sleep.

It was like Five couldn't take his eyes off of her occasionally touching her tiny fist, 'She's so beautiful.'

He then looked over at Vanya, 'She's all you.'

She shook her head at that, 'No, she's _all_ you.'

In Vanya's and pretty much every siblings' opinion, Elena was a female version of when Five was little. She still had her baby blue eyes of course, but apart from that, she had Five's smile, and cheeks, his nose and chin. When Vanya looked at her all she saw was Five, and she honestly had no clue how would Five not be able to tell she was his daughter in the future since he claimed he didn't know until the moment she told him she broke up with Tom. The only thing Vanya assumed her daughter would inherit from her would be her hair color. Even the little she showed of her personality was completely Five. If she wasn't the cutest and most adorable baby ever and Vanya didn't feel like crying or smiling every single time she looked at her, she would find it annoying. She was the one who went into labor and gave birth shouldn't she have some satisfaction like Elena looking more like her? She childishly found it a bit unfair. Just a little bit.

But when she rolled to her side and saw Five looking at their daughter so captivated by her before he reached over and took Vanya's hand in his and pressed it against his chest without disturbing Elena, she didn't care at all as long as they were like this.

* * *

She woke up early in the morning again because Elena wanted to eat, and it was more or less time for her to wake up anyway. She liked to be up around six-ish.

When Vanya found the side where Five was filled with toys and pillows she assumed he put them so Elena wouldn't fall down, she was a bit confused. She didn't think he would want to go meet up with Diego and Klaus who would like always stick around all day.

Her brothers needed to get a life. Diego broke up with Eudora (she dumped in again) so now he was either inside Vanya's apartment or in the police academy or of playing vigilante.

'Why can't you just stick to being a policeman?' she asked him as she was making him and Klaus pancakes one morning as they were entertaining Elena.

'Policemen need to follow the rules, but some dirtbags don't deserve to be taken down by the rules,' he said and shrugged his shoulders.

Once she changed her diaper and clothes, she took Elena into her arms caressing and baby-talking with her a bit before she put her into her lap.

Vanya loved how Elena would smile softly and then opened her mouth letting out little giggly noises while trying to reach for her. She would like to think Elena was a happy child as she smiled a lot. When she played with her toys, or when they talked to her, Elena liked to smile as if she knew people would smile back at her as well.

She full-on laughed when Vanya kissed her stomach trying to get away, she was very ticklish there.

Vanya smiled at her one more time before she pulled her into her arms and whispered, 'Let's go check if daddy and uncle Diego didn't kill each other, okay?'

She waited a bit for Elena to babble back her respond and carried her out, 'Good morning.'

Elena made a noise she usually did when she met someone in the morning as they walked into the living room where Diego and Five were sitting on the opposites ends of her couch and chair and Klaus was in his apron making breakfast, 'Good morning, girls, did you have a good night sleep?'

He immediately went and took Elena from Vanya's arms talking to her and asking her all about her night while the baby babbled back to him. Apart from Vanya, Klaus was the second best with Elena. It was a bit weird at first that someone like him was this good with a kid, but then again, Vanya often thought he was a child as well, so maybe it shouldn't be. He was the second favorite person Elena liked to talk to because he often let her speak and then asked questions as if he really could understand her. It also helped that he was far more energetic than Vanya, playing and hanging out with Elena for hours without a break just enjoying her presence. By now Vanya was almost ninety percent sure Klaus was clean, and one hundred percent sure he was always clean when he was around her daughter. She would like to think being an uncle helped him deal with some things he couldn't on his own. Then again, she knew her baby was magic so.

'I see you guys talked,' she said slowly as she took the seat next to Five smiling at him. It was a bit funny to see the two glaring at each other since it was so long since the others saw Five in one room. She forgot about how he added to the family dynamics.

'So now that second-worst father of the year made it back, can we talk about what is going on?' asked Diego. Ah yes, Vanya should probably feel a bit more guilty about it, but honestly, she wasn't good with confrontations. So after Five left the hospital when Elena was born she sort of acted like she was too busy or emotional to talk about it with the others and just said that Five was time traveling to the future so they would have a future, but the parts in between she skipped and avoided like a plague. Since she was the _Mamabear_ as Klaus liked to call her, the others let her be only speculating among themselves. So now she pretty much threw Five to the lions.

Five frowned, 'I hope you're not comparing me to _dad_.'

'Why shouldn't I? He sucks because he doesn't care about us, and you suck because you don't give a shi-'

'Don't finish that,' cut in Five, 'You have no idea how hard it is for me, and how much I would give just to be here, but I can't it doesn't work like that.'

Diego shook his head with an upset smirk, 'Always have the answer to everything. I can't believe you're buying him all this,' he turned to Vanya who sighed, 'If it wasn't like that I would probably never have Elena.'

There was silence in the room, the only noise coming from the eggs and bacon which were boiling on the frying pan.

Diego watched her for a moment probably a bit upset with her as well, but he took a deep breath trying to control his anger before he looked at Five again, 'Okay, can you explain?'

Five sighed, 'Well after I ran away back in 2002, I time-traveled into the future 2019 to be exact, and it was sh-,' he looked over at Elena still in Klaus's arms as he continued to cook before he corrected himself, ' _bad_.'

'Sounds about right,' said Klaus while he came to them and put Elena back to Vanya so he would have free hands.

Vanya grabbed a small monkey from the ground and hand it to her while the child played with it mumbling to itself from time to time and then focusing on Five, a new person in her life, Five explained the rest of what he could to Diego and Klaus. Vanya could tell Diego was less than impressed and already had several arguments in his mind but was keeping them for later, while Klaus looked mostly confused before he announced breakfast to be ready and handed everyone a plate.

'I got to go,' said Diego and brushed Elena's baby hair a bit before he left without a goodbye. Vanya knew he would most likely come later, but it still sucked that he was pissed like that.

She turned to Klaus who shrugged his shoulders, 'Like I would judge any of this sister and brother of mine.'

They both winced before Five complained, 'Don't say it like _that_.'

'And please don't tell anyone, people will think it is weird,' argued Vanya and Klaus chuckled making no promises.

After lunch it was usually the time Vanya and Klaus would take Elena out to play in the nearby park, but today Klaus put the stroller out and gave it to Five, 'Here, why don't you two have some of that limited family time. I can make us some fabulous lasagne which I learned from this sexy dude later. '

'Is he allowed to say words like that?' asked Five as he took Elena and started to put her into the stroller.

'It's not a curse word,' argued Klaus, 'Plus, my niece knows how amazing I am,' grinned Klaus.

Vanya watched him for a moment debating if he really was alright with skipping the walk to the park today, since it was their thing, but he just kissed her cheek and winked, 'Go on. Besides I only do that to get new gossips about the lives of our city moms, not to mention to protect you from single daddies.'

'What?' asked Five at the same time as Vanya giggled, 'He's kidding.'

She smiled at Elena who smiled back and briefly caught Klaus shaking his head and mumbling _not kidding_ to Five who looked a bit down now.

She chuckled at that and pushed him out of the door and away from Klaus and his shenanigans.

They walked out of the building, and Vanya couldn't help, but smile the whole way. She went to the park every day with Klaus sometimes Luther rarely Diego and Allison, so it wasn't a big deal, but the fact that it was now Five who was pushing the stroller and people were looking at them and thinking they were a family and they actually were _family_ in that sense, somehow made her happy. She didn't hold sadness or anger over the fact that Five wasn't around anymore. With her baby growing up with the best uncles and aunt in the world, it was impossible to feel like she was lacking something. Elena was a happy child so she was sure, she never felt Five's absence at all.

 _She didn't know him_.

To be honest with herself, yes, sometimes it hurt Vanya to think that Elena didn't miss Five because he was a stranger to her. When she was a child she never missed her biological mother because she was raised in a house where she believed it was normal to have a cold father who was more a teacher than a parent, nannies who came and go, s robot Mom, and a monkey butler. She couldn't miss something she didn't know, and even later when she understood that it wasn't supposed to be different in a family home, she never really dwell on her mother and who she might be. She did sell her to Hargreeves so she must not have cared either.

But now she was a mother, and she couldn't think just about herself but also about Elena and Five. She could tell he loved her. The way he couldn't stop looking at her, almost crashing into two people as they walked, it was impossible to assume otherwise. Elena was a bit fascinated by him, but she was a baby, she was fascinated with every new face which showed up in her life, but she didn't miss him or love him the way she loved her or the others were around. She didn't know him apart from being a new face. It wasn't often that it made her worried about how future Elena accepted Five's return, but when it did, it made her all anxious thinking about it. She kind of wished it was 2019 already and at the same time, she wished it would never come.

They came to the park and the playground for the kids and Vanya unbuckled Elena who started to babble probably about the kids around them.

'She talks almost as much like me when I'm on a drive,' commented Five, and Vanya chuckled, 'Oh, believe me, she does. She sometimes even raises her voice the same way you do when she's upset or she thinks we're not listening. All _you_ ,' she rolled her eyes but kept a smile on her face.

She nuzzled her face, and the baby laughed a bit before she pointed to the directions of the swings. She didn't look too impressed by them a few weeks ago, but then she got the hang of it and liked to be pushed a bit from side to side kicking her legs happily.

Five helped her put her inside and they talked a bit as they swung her a little bit.

'Hey, Vanya,' said another mom, Carol, who Vanya and Klaus often met, 'Hi, Carol. How are you guys?'

'Luckily better,' she said pulling her little toddler Chris high in her arms before she looked at Five and Vanya grimaced, 'This is Five. He just came back from the tour.'

'Carol, nice to meet you. Now I can see Elena's all daddy,' she said not commenting on the name and just politely nodding. They exchanged a couple of words before Carol and her son left.

'Tour?' asked Five, and Vanya shrugged her shoulders, 'It's what you told Mr. Wheeler, remember? I just figured it's not the worst idea and went with it.'

She kneeled down and wiped Elena's face a bit feeling Five's gaze on her, 'Is it bad?'

'No, it's fine. Just...in the future you said Elena's dad comes and goes so I assumed you meant he wasn't around because he was a douche, which is what Diego kept on hinting,' he said looking somewhat lost in his thoughts.

Vanya watched him wondering about it all, 'Is Diego giving you trouble in the future?'

'No, not anymore, I guess, he realized that it's...not like I have a choice,' he said looking down at Elena as she was enjoying the swing.

He looked a bit troubled now, and Vanya had to ask, 'Are you alright?'

He looked up at her and took her free hand with his, 'I never actually thought it could get harder for me to leave this place, but now she's here, and I...it's hard.'

Vanya squeezed his hand, 'But it's worth it, right?' she reminded him.

Five closed his eyes and kissed her fingers, 'I know, I know, but...I asked the future you to marry me.'

Vanya blinked surprised completely by this, 'Oh?'

'You said no,' said Five with a sigh before he grinned at her.

'Oh,' was all Vanya could say, 'I guess I had a reason?'

She should have been more shocked by what he just told her, but living the life she had, she wasn't. She was a bit surprised Five asked her. She had never given marriage much thought. Funny, she loved Five and wanted him to stay, had a baby with him, but never thought about the possibility of them getting married. It wasn't high on her priority list. She wondered if that was why she said no. Maybe she just didn't feel the need for them to have a paper tell them they belong to each other. They already knew they did.

'No doubt about it. I'm sure it's just one of those things which future you can't tell me or they wouldn't end up that way, but still, it hurt a bit. Like I had a speech, you know, and I was on my knee and all that romantic sh-stuff,' he corrected himself in the last second and Vanya couldn't help but chuckle, 'Maybe it was all the romantic _stuff_ which made me say no. I'm not much for roses and a knee.'

'Really?' He asked before he smirked, 'And I thought you enjoyed it when I was on my knees and you were on you back on the bed-'

She covered his mouth looking around before she shook her head, 'There are kids which can hear you and repeat after you around here.'

Five chuckled and leaned down kissed her softly on the lips, 'Don't worry, I know you're more of a lilies kind of woman.'

'Roses look so sharp, lilies are more innocent,' she said looking at him loving the adoration in his face.

'Am I angry at you? In the future?' she asked as she lowered herself to Elena fixing her shirt.

'No, well, you weren't too impressed with me trying to explain why you _had_ to marry me, I think it might not be the worst idea to say _I apologize for what I will do in the future_?'

She laughed, 'Okay, but I'm pretty sure the apology will be useless as you will only say it again and I will be pissed again. '

He nodded, 'For sure.'

She grinned when she remembered something and pulled out of her bag a small photo album, 'This is for you. I have like a million and some photos of Elena and me and the others, and I picked a few just for you when we're not around.'

Five looked at the album for a moment before he took it and flipped through it his smirk turning into a soft smile, 'Thank you.'

She nodded and let him kiss her again wishing they had more time.

They stayed in the park a bit longer after that. Five helped her bring the stroller up to her door, but she knew he had to go. He was all shifty and kept looking around.

'What would happen if you stayed a second longer than you need to?' she asked. She watched him go plenty of times and witnessed his watch and sometimes he himself signaling he needed to go, but it was different every time. Sometimes he stayed the whole night, other times just a couple of hours or less than an hour. How did it work?

Five took a deep breath before he confessed another secret to her, 'I work for this organization full of as-' he looked at Elena, 'assistants, and the only time I can time travel is during my lunch breaks lets call them. If I stay too long they will notice. Sometimes I can be longer because I managed to cause a distraction other times I have to hurry because...well, they might notice.'

'What would they do if they noticed?'

'Maybe nothing or maybe try to stop me and caused the end of the world in 2019,' he said, 'It's all messy at work. Some are allies some are foes, but no one's a friend if that makes sense.'

It didn't but she learned a lot of time ago not to ask for it to.

He kissed her forehead loving afterward as she was holding onto Elena who was trying to reach him. Five leaned away and took Elena's tiny fist in his hand while he kept stroking Vanya's hair, 'Don't even for a second think that I would let that happen. Even if I could only stay a minute I would, but I would never put you two in danger, do you believe me?'

She pulled Elena higher in her arms, 'Always.'

'I love you two more than anything.'

Five leaned down and kissed their daughter's cheek which made her giggle before he looked Vanya deep into the eyes and disappeared in the familiar flash of blue light just as Klaus opened the door, 'Oh thank God.'

'What happened?' asked Vanya now panicked from what just Five said.

Klaus put a hand against his chest, 'I totally texted with my new boy-toy all day and had nothing done. The apartment is a mess and dinner is far from ready.'

Vanya groaned annoyed but also relieved while Elena moved against her trying to touch the sleeve of Klaus's ridiculously long robe.

'What? I couldn't let Five know. I would never hear the end of it. He would say I'm a _bad uncle,_ can you imagine? The embarrassment,' said Klaus dramatically and Vanya couldn't help, but laugh glad she could use him as a distraction as she went inside took care of Elena and started to clean the apartment while interrogated Klaus about his new causal boyfriend while he tried to dig something about Five from her.

She bit the inside of her cheek before she said, 'He asked me to marry me, and apparently future me said no.'

'Good,' said Klaus while cooking, 'Don't be easy to get. Make him chase you a bit.'

Vanya grimaced, 'I had his child. How much easier to get could I be?'

'Damn, and I thought I was the family _slut_ good to know,' he said and Vanya threw a teddy bear at him pointing over at Elena who was on the ground now playing with some blocks, 'If that will be her first word, I will strangle you.'

Klaus chuckle, 'Please, if _that_ was her first word. I would take her everywhere. Can you imagine walking down the street and she would just like _that_ on the woman who would pass by? Oh my God, please let that be her first word,' he said and jumped a bit.

'No.'

'Come on, Mammabear, don't be like that.'

'No!' she said shaking her head but laughing in the process as Klaus continued to try and get her to agree.

When Diego came back he seemed somewhat calmer ignoring any conversation which could lead back to Five feeding some pureed meat with her baby spoon. She chewed incredibly slow more interested in Vanya's plate although she only wanted to stick her fingers inside it.

Vanya didn't blame him if he was upset with Five as long as in the future they would be better she knew it was fine for now. As she went to put Elena to the cradle she settled her on her legs on her chair and talked with her a bit.

'Did you like your daddy, hm?' she asked her daughter looking up at her with those clever blue eyes.

'Because I could tell he liked you a lot,' she continued while her daughter listened.

'Look, I know, you're really _tiny_ to understand this or know what's going on. You don't even know where your nose is yet,' she said and touched her small nose for good measures which made Elena let out a happy baby noise, 'But your dad can't be around as much as he or I would like. He just can't, and sometimes it's hard for me to understand it as well, but know, that he _loves_ you, and if he could he would be with you _every day_ ,' her smile fell a bit, 'and he will. Just in the future. You'll be _sooo_ big in 2019. And I'm sure you will have just the best of moments and memories with him until then. And then we will all be together. Like a real family, so...I hope you won't miss him too much, but also know who he is and that he is out there, and he will be with us one day for good,' she said and Elena watched her for a moment. In Vanya's mind it felt like the little girl was taking it all in to the last word before she beamed back at her like the happy child that she was. Even if she couldn't understand her yet, Vanya had a feeling Elena felt it. She felt Five was someone who loved her, and for that she loved him back.

Later as she finally put her to sleep in the cradle (she knew it was a bad idea to let her sleep in bed), she took out the notebook and wrote down about Five's newest visit.

_August 18th 2013: We went to the park with Five._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N: Sorry it took so long. Thank you for the support and reading. If you want leave some feedback if not it is okay.


	11. March 27th, 2017

**March 27th, 2017**

The winter was slowly ending and the weather was improving. Vanya was glad because it meant Elena wouldn't be so sick. Since she started kindergarten, she had been in and out of with flue and other diseases on a weekly bases. Vanya never realized how often a child could be sick until she had one attending places with other kids of her age for several hours a day.

She was trying not to be overprotective or argumentative, but as she saw other moms bring in their kids who were clearly sick or had symptoms of illness, she lost it. It pissed her to no end to see Elena so weak and stressed when she was sick saying her head or stomach hurt and these women just brought in their sick kids? She got it that not everyone could allow themselves a sitter, but seriously?

'Mommy?' asked Elena suddenly, her voice the sweetest thing imaginable always melting Vanya's worries and anger away.

'What is it sunshine?'

'You're not listening,' the little girl accused her and Vanya chuckled a bit before she tugged her hand. They were walking down the street from kindergarten to their building. It wasn't too far, and Vanya refused to drive a car in the insane traffic in their city, plus it wasn't as ice-cold as it had been for the past few weeks. Sometimes Diego gave them a ride when he didn't have late night outs risking his life like a vigilante, but most of the time they managed on foot. Since he burned the bridge of being a police officer after he beat up some asshole in the alley the police couldn't get legally, his only income was from working odd jobs which barely got him by even if he wouldn't admit it. She didn't like the idea of Diego losing money for gas because of her because the idiot wouldn't take any from her. He actually got upset whenever she suggested it and acted like a bigger child than Elena at times.

'Not true,' said Vanya as they came to the street crossing. There were a lot of people all around them walking from work or hurrying somewhere else, 'You were telling me about Becky.'

She briefly smiled down at her. When Elena started to go to kindergarten, Vanya was a bit worried. Since she was born, Vanya was rarely apart from her baby and when she was, she knew Elena was in good hands with her uncles and aunt. Going to kindergarten meant she would be with strangers most of the day. Not to mention more and more Vanya noticed Elena was very selective about the people she wanted to play with and spent her time with. She had no problem with family. She was surrounded by them all her life so she enjoyed playing and talking with them, and Vanya could tell she genuinely love them when someone asked her  _Do you love uncle/aunt_ and she beamed like a little sunshine and answered  _yes_  in her childlike tone.

However, kids on the playground were a different story. At first, it wasn't anything strange. Even if she and some other mom let their kids to play both children spent time avoiding eye contact and doing their own thing, but Vanya started to notice how with every year other kids started to play together while Elena liked to be on her own.

'I don't want her to be lonely,' she confessed one night after a glass of wine to Allison when she came to visit before her own labor.

'Maybe she's just shy. You're not exactly a seeker of attention either and you have people you're close with.'

Vanya grimaced. She doubted she could start adopting kids, just so Elena would have people she could be close with. That or her siblings could step up their games and have a few kids of their own. They definitely were baby people now with how devoted they were to Elena and Claire.

Even if it was obvious Elena loved her baby cousin, Claire was barely one year old so it would be some time before they could properly play with each other. But she must have been overthinking things too much since after the first day Elena came home and told Vanya all about her new friend Becky. Since then she sometimes mentioned other kids, but Becky was clearly her favorite for some reason and best friend.

'She's not so loud and nice,' said Elena when Klaus was braiding her hair and asked her why did she like Becky so much. Whatever she meant by that Vanya didn't know, but she was glad her baby wouldn't be a complete loner. Kids needed someone their own age. Someone they could connect with in ways they couldn't with their parents.

'Becky said that she has a real bunny at home and her name is Judy and she likes carrots, and is all white,' babbled a little four-year-old as Vanya lead her to their home.

'Like Officer Judy from Zootopia?' asked Vanya already knowing the answering as she waited for the green light holding tightly to Elena's hand.

'Yeah!' said the girl happily, 'Can we go see her some time? Or can we get a bunny, mommy?'

'Maybe when you're a bit older,' she told her and the girl was quiet for a moment looking around at the traffic in front of them before she said, 'But Becky is four like me.'

Vanya sighed. Sometimes, the little girl reminded her too much of her father. Always knowing what to say, always trying to have the last word, or prove her point.

They crossed the street to their pavement, 'Ellie, we already have a small apartment to fit your other pets, uncle Klaus and Diego?'

The little girl laughed, 'Mommy. Uncle Diego and Klaus aren't my pets.'

She grinned down at her and they continued to walk to their building. It was true. From day one Elena had successfully wrapped almost everyone in her family around her little finger. Even if Allison was in L.A and Luther was on some secret mission on the moon for the past year or so, Diego and Klaus stuck around practically living with Vanya and Elena at this point. Both complained about one another but working very well when they needed to.

As they got close to the entrance Vanya spotted a man standing outside. She didn't pay much attention to him as she Elena pulled her hand as if she wanted to tell her something but stopped last minute and just kept on looking in front of her.

Once they were close the little girl stopped and just kept her eyes in front of her. When Vanya looked up she stopped as well.

Vanya blinked absently staring at the man in front of her. Man because well until this moment she didn't realize Five had actually changed so much. He was taller than her before yes, but to see him wearing a pair of jeans a hoodie under his winter jacket and to have him grow a beard was somehow off-putting. He looked so…different. She never saw him so casual in her entire life. He always appeared almost polished and dandylike giving up the vibe of some businessman in his expensive suits which fit him so well. He looked so much older now with the beard though. She hadn't seen him for a while now, and she wondered if she looked different to him as well. She cut her hair a year ago and it was shorter than it used to be. Klaus said she embraced the full working mom look. She grew a bit of a taste for style even if not as extravagant as Allison and Klaus would like to have her. She wondered what Five thought about all of that. About how she looked now.

'Mommy?' asked Elena silently beside her tugging on her hand bringing her back to her thoughts.

Vanya blinked away her shock and look down at their daughter and then back at Five, 'Uh, hi.'

Five smirked a bit nodding, 'Hi.' He looked relaxed which was a bit strange look for him. Maybe he was on vacation or something from the organization he worked for. All in all, he looked good. But was there ever a time he didn't?

Vanya was a bit shocked to see him though. It had been over two years since his last visit. He said it would be that long, so she was prepared for that, but at the same time. She wasn't expecting him. She missed him dearly. She imagined night after night him being there with her, and with Elena, and them having a normal life not half a life with him being there and then gone. It was getting harder. Elena was four and she was clever and very observant. She barely learned to speak and talk, and the first thing she asked was where's daddy? Vanya doubted she remembered Five's visits, but from what she gathered when the adults were talking, she had to assume she had a dad who was just away a lot. Vanya tried to explain the best way she could without saying anything at all.

'He's doing something very important somewhere far away to keep us safe,' she said not sure if it was a complete lie or truth. Honestly, Vanya didn't know what Five was doing in the future. Going to work and then coming to her future self? And what there? He asked the future her to marry him maybe she said yes the second time. She couldn't imagine saying  _no_ to Five if he asked her for something. It wasn't something she thought about or wanted per se, but she doubted there was anything she could actively deny him. It was something which she knew was frowned about from her siblings who tried with good intentions to meddle into her situation with Five at times before giving up when they saw it was no use. It was hard when Five was away, but…

In a way, it was easier when he was away. Easier to say her father left for the army, and that they didn't have many pictures of him. She wasn't sure if Elena believed that story all not, but she accepted it. It was different when she was a baby and couldn't talk or understand anything around, but seeing him and knowing he was here and real and he would leave. It hurt Vanya. It hurt her to think about what it would do to Elena.

Vanya kneeled a bit down to Elena's level who kept on looking at Five instead of her which made Vanya wonder just how intuitive the girl could be. She was a mirror reflection of Five all the way from how tall she already was to her greenish eyes to the way she smiled or set her jaw when she was pouting about something. Not to mention her whole personality. Vanya saw how intelligent she was, far smarter than the kids her age, so maybe just by looking at the stranger in front of her, she could tell who he was.

Vanya gently sat her hand on the girl's back causing her to finally look at her while Vanya avoided looking at Five for a moment, 'Ellie, sunshine, this is your daddy. Remember, I told you he goes away to keep us safe, and he comes back from time to time.'

She looked over at Five and caught the momentary emotion flashed through Five's face before it was gone, and he put on a smile softer than the smirk and looking down at Elena, 'Hi Elena. You probably don't remember me very much.'

Vanya was about to apologize as she got used to that Elena was shy so she didn't talk much to people she didn't recognize when the little girl surprised her, 'If you're my daddy how come you didn't come to my birthday party?'

Both Five and Vanya shared a quick look surprised by such a question before Five kneeled down closer to the two of them, 'Well, uh, I couldn't come, I was dealing with some things, and if I didn't very bad things would happen. I'm sorry.'

Elena watched him for a moment whatever was going on in her mind a mystery to both Vanya and Five before she reached her hand and touched the man's beard, 'Ellie!'

'It's okay, I was trying a new look,' he said and looked at Vanya who wanted to ask why but was worried to ask anything Elena might hear and interpret.

'It's scruffy,' said the little girl before she pulled her hand away and looked at Vanya as if she knew what to do now. She didn't. Adulthood or parenthood didn't give you a manual for right and wrong decision but she figured she would do better if they were behind closed doors than outside where anyone could see them.

'Let's go home,' she said and reached her hand for Five who took it and lead them to their apartment.

* * *

Vanya quickly helped undressed Elena's coat and boots before the girl stepped aside still looking at Five with unmasked interested a way only a child could.

'You're very tall,' said Elena, 'and mommy's very short.'

'I'm not that short,' said Vanya raising her eyebrow as she started to undress her own coat.

'Very short,' said Elena again

'How about you go wash your hands and we'll see what uncle Klaus made us for dinner,' she said and nodded toward the kitchen. The girl spared Five one last look before she ran to the bathroom.

Vanya turned to Five not sure what to say, 'I'm sorry I didn-'

He cut her off by diving his hand into her hair and kissing her stealing her breath away before she could finish the sentence. The kiss was heavy and sweet, and it was like Five restored time back to the last time he was there reloading all the passion and love she felt for him and reminding her why it was worth it to wait for him like this.

He broke the kiss, 'Sorry, I wanted to do that when I saw you but then I saw Elena and-'

She kissed him back her hands going to his jacket for a few moments again lost in the sensation of their lips moving against one another after so long apart before they broke apart again for some air. Five's hands were on Vanya's back now pulling her close while hers were against his chest.

'I missed you.'

He kissed her cheek urgently but with a certain tenderness, 'I know. I know.'

They heard Elena came back from the bathroom and stepped aside from one another looking away like a teenager caught making out for the first time.

'Can I show…daddy the new game, uncle Diego bought me?' she asked while already holding the game she got for her birthday. It was a bit advanced logical game, but Elena managed to understand the rules on the first try and spent playing it throughout the whole evening.

'Of course, sunshine,' said Vanya and looked at Five nodding at him to come inside.

He walked closer to Elena while Vanya put away their clothes. Klaus was usually home, cooking dinner for them and cleaning the house while they were away, but today was his  _day_   _off_  as he called it when he went to get ready somewhere and go to a club. As much as Vanya loved him and as much as he acted decent and nice when he went on a  _day off_  he usually didn't show up for three additional days and then just waltz back in acting like nothing happened. Whenever Diego or Vanya questioned him he claimed he just had some fun and crashed at someone's house. Diego tried to stalk him but his day's off were so random they never knew when he would take one.

'Okay, sounds interesting,' she heard Five suddenly after she spaced out. Clearly, he was talking with Elena as she explained the game to him while they sat down on the couch.

'I also have something for you,' said Five suddenly and Vanya looked to where they sat as he pulled a small nicely wrapped gift.

'Since I missed…a few birthdays,' he said and handed the present to her.

Elena eyed it for a second and then looked at Vanya who nodded encouraging her to take it.

'What it is?' asked Elena slowly unwrapping it.

'Open it,' he told her and Vanya watched as their daughter ripped the wrapping paper and opened a small box.

'A watch,' she said delighted before she smiled in that way which made Vanya call her sunshine from time to time, 'Look, mommy, it's the one we saw in the store. It shows different time zones.'

Vanya blinked surprised. They passed the watch in an antic story on their way to kindergarten almost every day. She couldn't understand Ellie's fascination with a watch, but she was debating if she shouldn't buy her one on her next birthday. It was an antique old-fashioned watch with a golden chain the kind the white rabbit from Alice in the Wonderland had.

'It's so shiny,' said Elena before she looked at Five, 'Thank you.'

He continued to smile at her that special soft way, he only ever looked at them. Five wasn't a softy, and he would rather bite someone than show or admit his feelings properly. And yet when it came to them, Vanya had a feeling he couldn't hide his love for them even if he wanted to. He just had this way of looking at them like they were the most precious creatures in the world, and Vanya had this urge to actually believe it.

Her smile fell a bit though as such thoughts reminded her of his absence and what it did to her, and feared it would do the same to Elena.

'Don't mention it. I think I owe you a couple of gifts for all the missed birthdays and Christmases'.

Elena looked at the watch again, 'Can you help me set it up?'

Five nodded and reached his hand for the watch. He patiently showed her how to set the watch and in a very teacherlike voice explained to the girl what each little watch inside meant and what were the differences of different time zones. Vanya went to heat up the dinner for them while peaking at the two. The similarity was undeniable. It was like Vanya was looking at a mini-female version of Five, even if the little girl had her hair color.

Just like with all new information, Elena, carefully listened and took in all Five told her asking her little follow-up questions and the two of them actually talking.

Vanya set up three plates and called them to the table. Five asked Elena about her day, and she told him everything from her teachers, her schedule, Becky all the way to her uncles and Vanya.

'Elena!' said Vanya scandalized as Elena described what Klaus talked about some moms from the kindergarten. Of course, with Klaus's lack of filter, it was in a very appropriate conversation to have in front of a four-year-old. The word self-centered egomaniac floozy should not be a part of Elena's vocabulary at that age.

Five only chuckled at the outburst clearly enjoying the whole conversation a bit too much. After dinner Elena asked Five to play with her, 'It's her favorite. She never loses.'

He raised his brows as Elena set the boarding game in front of them on the table. The three of them were sitting opposite to one another so they could face each other, 'Well, clearly she just hadn't had a good opponent yet.'

Vanya rolled her eyes at Five's cockiness but felt a wave of fondness for him as she squeezed his shoulder. They played a couple of rounds first won Elena, and then Five and then Elena again for the ultimate championship.

Five raised his hand, 'Well played.'

She grinned and shook his hand looking happy she won, but not glowing as much as she usually did about it.

Vanya checked the clock and with a heavy heart said, 'Ellie, it's past your bedtime.'

'But I'm not that tired,' said the girl instantly.

Vanya sighed, 'But we have kindergarten in the morning, sunshine.'

The girl clearly didn't want to go to bed maybe sensing if she did Five wouldn't be here tomorrow, 'Please, just a few more minutes. Daddy didn't even hear me play.'

'The violin?'

Elena nodded enthusiastically, 'Mommy taught me. I'm not too good, but I practice and mommy said I will get better and be better than her one day.'

Five looked over at Vanya, 'Well, I would like to see that. I can't imagine anyone being better than your mommy.'

Vanya smiled a bit.

'Me too,' said Elena and then turned to Vanya, ' _Please_?'

She knew she would give in the moment she used that tone with her not to mention knowing it because of Five.

'Alright, but only one song and then bed.'

'Okay,' said Elena and rushed to her room for her instrument.

'Does she stick to it?' asked Vanya when she was sure the girl wouldn't hear them.

Five watched her for a moment. It felt a bit bizarre to see him in her kitchen again looking so different, 'Yes.'

'Good,' said Vanya glad that her daughter would have something more from her even more that it was her love for music.

Elena brought the violin case. She had her own violin which was smaller than an average one. She played them the song she knew the most without a single mistake. They clapped at the end and Vanya saw how happy it made the little girl as she put the instrument back to the case. She argued only a little bit about bed and actually went to brush her teeth and change her clothes. She was very independent about these things even if she sometimes humored her uncles and aunt by acting like she needed help. She was a sucker for pleasing her family which was something Vanya wished she wouldn't inherit from her personality.

'Alright, tell daddy goodnight, and I will go tug you in,' said Vanya as she put away the board game.

Elena walked over to Five who was cleaning up the glasses before he kneeled down to her level, 'Goodnight, Ellie. It was nice playing with you.'

The girl nodded, 'Yeah, it was. Next time we can play again or do something else,' she said sounding hopeful.

Five nodded, 'I can't wait.'

Vanya didn't see the expression on the little girl's face, but in the next moment both her and Five were surprised by how she suddenly put her tiny arms around Five's neck and pressed herself against him in a tight hug.

She saw the surprise on Five's face before he hugged the girl back pulling her as close as possible for a moment closing his eyes and just taking at the moment. She wondered what was going on in his mind and what kind of relationship he and Elena had in the future. She could imagine them working out well together. They were such bright individuals who could get captivated by whatever caught their interest for hours and days. The older Elena got to more she would need someone like that in her life.

When they parted Elena skipped to Vanya and took her hand the two going to her room, 'Okay, time for bed for big girls to be nicely rested for their days tomorrow.'

Elena let herself get tugged into the bed while looking at Vanya, 'Will daddy be here tomorrow?'

Vanya paused for a moment before she sat down on the edge of her bed and smiled at her. She knew the question would come yet she hoped it wouldn't., 'Sorry, sunshine, but no. But he will come again soon.'

She brushed her hair a bit, 'You're too young to understand, but he can't really stay, not now at least, but soon. Soon he will be able to stay and all will be well.'

'When is soon?' asked Elena and Vanya smiled, 'Two years.'

'Oh,' said Elena looking a bit disappointed with her little frown between her eyebrows before she sighed in resignation, 'I really like him. He's cool.'

Vanya chuckled, 'I will let him know that. Now sleep. We can talk tomorrow.'

Elena nodded, and Vanya gave her a quick kiss on the forehead before she stood up and turned off the lights. When she came back to the kitchen, she found Five finishing the dishes.

'She said she liked you and that you're cool,' she told him with a small smirk which Five mirrored, 'Well, good, because I think she's pretty cool herself. She's so smart.'

Vanya nodded, 'Too smart at times.'

'You should consider getting her a tutor,' said Five as he walked to her, 'Also to get her tested and go to a better school. She deserves to be in a school that can explore and help her with her potential. Not to mention it would be better for her to be with kids who could challenge her.'

'Something tells me she's in a school like that in the future,' she said cutting off his speech. He grimaced knowing she caught him, 'Yes.'

'Isn't it against the rules to tell me these things?' she asked and Five brushed the back of his head looking a bit nervous, 'I'm not sure anymore, but when it comes to her...I can't help myself but interfere.'

Vanya smiled, 'Yeah, it's hard not to love her and want to devote your life to her and her needs. She's just... our baby.'

Five nodded, 'Yeah, and she's amazing. You're doing a hell of a job.'

She didn't need the praise, but it was nice to hear it, 'Well, I suppose you help out? In the future?'

Five shook his head, 'Not at first. Not for a while.'

Vanya was confused before she remembered him not knowing he was the father until they slept together, 'You didn't know for a few years.'

'Yeah,' he walked closer to her, 'You couldn't tell me obviously, and it took me a while to figure it out on my own,' he smirked, 'But when I did, I made sure it happened.'

She chuckled a bit, 'Oh,  _you_  made sure?'

'Yes, as I recall, I made sure a few times that night,' he told her as he stopped in front of her and she shook her head, 'You're so full of yourself.'

'Maybe you should be full of me,' he said and she laughed, 'Gosh, you did  _not_  just say that.'

'I wanted to be flirty,' he said and put his hands on her waist Vanya's heart speeding up like she was the same teenage girl who was crushing on him for years.

'Don't,' she said and put her arms around his neck looking into his green eyes, 'Just be yourself.'

He watched her for a moment as if he was memorizing the way she looked. She wondered what went through his mind when he looked at her all soft like that. His eyes then caught something behind her, and he made a displeased sound, 'I take it Diego is still around most of the nights.'

Vanya made a face, 'You can't seriously be jealous of Diego.'

'I can be jealous of whoever I want,' he told her as a matter of fact, 'Especially someone who walks around my girls without his shirt and in boxers every morning before doing push-ups.'

She chuckled, 'Ah, then you should be more jealous of Klaus until recently he walked around in  _less_  than that.'

Five's serious face changed to a shocked one for a moment before he chuckled, 'At least you're not suffering from boredom with them.'

She smiled at him softly before she said, 'You don't have to be jealous about anyone. I'm a one guy kind of girl and that guy is you.'

Five was smirking, but she could see the vulnerability flash through his face before he accepted what she told him.

He leaned down and kissed her with the same intensity as before. Both of them immediately melting into the kiss and each other. It felt the same. Kissing Five even after two years didn't feel different at all, it felt the same and Vanya found herself time traveling to the last time they kissed like this with ease. When they were like this, when they were together it was like nothing changed, like they were never apart.

Five broke the kiss and moved to her neck sucking on the skin there the beard tickling her, but the sensation was nice, 'I like the hair.'

'Thanks,' she mumbled, 'The beard is nice.'

She felt him grin against her skin before he suddenly lifted her up almost causing her to yelp. She forgot he loved to surprise her like that, 'Warn a girl before you do that.'

She hugged him with her legs and looked down at his face. He looked relaxed, but there was desire in his eyes. He wanted her just as much as she wanted him.

He carried her to her bedroom, and Vanya couldn't help the feeling of déjà vu as he said, 'The warning was implied that all is fair game.'

'Really when?' she asked teasingly clearly recalling their first time. It was forever burnt into her memory. If she forgot everything else, she was sure, that first time she would remember. Him coming over, their fight, their making up, their night together. Everything they said and did her mind would carry with her forever.

He kissed her again deeply his lips the most delicious thing Vanya ever had her mouth on. She almost forgot what they were talking about when he broke the kiss and said. 'When you kissed me with those addictive lips.'

She giggled and grabbed his hoodie unzipping it and throwing it to the ground while he worked on her shirt. They undressed in fast moves only from time to time interrupted by distracting the other with another brutally urgent kiss.

'I miss you,' she whispered into his ear as he kissed her naked shoulder once he had her on the bed, 'I know. I promise it won't take long.'

'Promises promises,' she said back before she felt his lips move to her breasts while his fingers found her center and all the thoughts left her mind but those of how amazing he made her feel and how much euphoria she could handle.

Her mind cleared only when she spotted him tearing the wrapper on a condom, 'No more babies?'

'Not yet,' he said with a knowing smirk and Vanya blinked surprised before Five spread her legs apart and pushed himself inside both of them groaning and all rational thinking gone.

'I love you,' he whispered to her as he held her close afterward both of them sweaty and tired.

'I love you too,' she mumbled not sure if he heard her or not.

She felt her stroke her hair in the most gentle way imaginable, 'Soon, I will be here for good. You, Elena and me. We will be together, a family and all will be well. Do you believe me?'

She barely opened her eyes, 'Always.'

He kissed her again his ticklish beard making her stay awake a bit longer before she let the dreamland take her not being able to hold on any longer.

When she woke up Five was gone, but she didn't expect him to stay anyway. She knew he couldn't.

She let her hand move over his empty side only once before she got up and went to get ready and get Elena ready for kindergarten.

When she made her breakfast she was surprised the girl didn't mention Five's leaving, 'He said he would come back soon.'

'Yesterday?'

'No, I woke up and he was in my room looking at me, and he promised to come back soon. He said he would come to my recital this year,' said the little girl as she ate her toast.

Vanya took one of her pills, pulled the coffee mug to her lips and smiled. Even if the others didn't approve, she knew Five, and she knew he was a good father as much as he could allow himself to be he was.

'Finish your breakfast, Ellie,' she told her before she went to the bathroom and pulled out the notebook she hadn't used in almost two years. She reread the last couple of notes before she wrote the new one.

_August 18th, 2013: We went to the park with Five._

_November 5th, 2013: Five stayed with us when Elena was sick._

_May 16th, 2014: We all went to visit Allison._

_March 27th, 2017: Five came to play a board game with Elena._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N: Yes, I brought this story back to life...sort of. I ran to some major writer's block and decided to jump to four-year-old Elena instead of doing separate chapters about Five's other visits. I might include them some other time, or maybe make them only from Five's POV when I will get to his chapters, but for now, I will start from this. I hope you still like it, and enjoyed it. Thank you for the support and feedback of any kind is always welcome and appreciated.

**Author's Note:**

> A.N: So...yeah, I sort of postponed the Cabin because I got stuck on one part and I can’t move, but here is something I was also planning since well today when I was up in 3 a.m because my BF was snoring again T_T I couldn’t fall asleep for the looongest of time and just decided this would be a good idea for F/V fic, so here it is :D  
> Anyway, I am not sure what will come out of this, but I have this sort of a general idea that Five would come back to Vanya every once in a while over the years. His comings and goings will be explained in the future of course. For now enjoy and let me know what you think :)


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